family therapy... advice/experience/help please

lozza · 18-05-2009, 11:23 PM

My counsellor brought up the topic of family therapy a few weeks ago... since then each week she has been checking in with me to see if it was something I wanted to try or not. She says she thinks it may be good because some of the same issues with my parents keep coming up over and over again. My counsellor isnt trained in family therapy and so wont be doing it but she does know of someone really good who works in that field and my counsellor told me yesterday that if I go ahead with it then I can skip the many months waiting list and see her as soon as she gets back from holidays in July. I will be still seeing my counsellor as per usual but on top of this also be doing family therapy if I choose to.

I am very unsure of the whole process though. And I have spoken to my counsellor a bit about it but I still have so many fears.

I have had my parents in a few sessions many years ago, the most recent one being when I was in hosp earlier this year... but I have never really done the proper therapy thing with them.

I am just so afraid of how I would be if I was to go ahead with it... I am already pretty sure I will not be able to talk to them in session (I cant in real life either) but I so desperately want them to see how badly I am hurting, why I think of suicide so often, what makes me want to hurt myself and how it has nothing to do with them being good or bad parents. But I am so afraid of the talking thing and something scary coming out of it.

Has anyone done family therapy before? If so was it ok, how did the therapist help both you and parents/siblings talk and feel ok and safe doing so. How did the parents react to it... **** if I do it I still have to tell parents... any ideas on how to do this?

Sorry for all the qsts... I just think this could really help but am so unsure about it still at the same time.. any advice/experiences would be appreciated.

Thanks for reading guys.

rockaroni · 19-05-2009, 12:42 AM

Personally, I had horrible experiences with family therapy. Mainly because my parents (especially my dad) were so burried in their own denial, they only helped give the impression that I was "just a teenager" with teenage angst who will "grow out of it" and needed to spend less time on the internet.. pah. Needless to say, I never grew out of it.

However, don't let it put you off. If you have the slightest inkling that it might help, it's worth a shot. It's scary, but potentially worth it. Sometimes it's good to get things out in the air, and hopefully your parents accept what's happening and can be of some benefit. Plus, it being with a different therapist, it's not that big a deal if it doesn't work out and you want to break all ties. Your current counsellor won't be able to judge you on your parents' behaviour (if that makes sense) so all that will stay the same.

lozza · 19-05-2009, 06:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by rockaroni

my parents were so burried in their own denial

This is what I am afraid of. When I was in hospital I had a kind of family session thing with my parents and the pdoc tried to explain to them what was happening and all they could do was think that everything was really just fine and I just had to stop being lazy and get on with life.

Half the times when I am doing badly and my mum see's me sh'ing or drinking... they just ignore what is going on and pretend its not happening and everything is just how they should be.

Maybe family therapy will help change there views on this and they will understand more... but then it could just make things worse and I just really really dont know what to do

smile5 · 19-05-2009, 07:52 AM

hi,

ive not had family therapy as such but Ive had a few sessions with a few of my therapists and my mum. For me I was so worried beforehand, i thought there would be arguments, that it will be "you do this and that", but do you know what it wasnt like that. We broke things down like thinking of a situation that was difficult. I was asked what I felt and how I viewed it then my mum was asked the same. Its the first time we have been able to talk to each other properly and listen to what the other one says. I found out some things that I would never have known my mum felt and the same her. She admitted that she had said to me many times Im attention seeking (with self-harm etc) and my therapists got me to tell her how that made me feel. She had no idea what it made me feel and i think it made her change her opinion.

I would say its worth a try, but its totally up to you, it all works differently for different people. Like those above have said it didnt really work with them.

Take care

lozza · 19-05-2009, 09:25 AM

Thanks guys.

I think that because it has been on my mind a lot and it hasnt been going away... it will probably be good to at least try one session and just see how it goes...

what would be a good way to talk to my parents about it though? Like how would I tell them I want to give it a try and it will be great if they gave it a go too.... I hate talking, arrrghhhh

lozza · 05-06-2009, 02:12 AM

I've been thinking about this more and more lately and I think I will give it a go but I will only do a one off session (to see how it goes) but I will ask to do it either with my counsellor or pdoc.... pdoc sounds like a safer person cuz then (in a sense) my counsellor will still be mine and working with me instead of with my parents... not sure if that came out and made sense but yeh....

but I would have to do it when I am feeling a lot stronger so maybe in the semester break? But problem... how do I confront my parents about this and bring it up??

Any ideas would be greatly appreciated:)