WILL I ever get 'better'?

Steel Maiden · 17-05-2009, 02:04 AM

The nurses keep begging me to try and get 'better' (I don't even know what this means). They want me to sleep and they keep trying to convince me that the Voices, Mindreaders and Spies are not real -.- .
I WANT TO GO TO CAMBRIDGE UNI IN OCTOBER. PLEASE I NEED TO GO THERE. My psych doesn't believe I'll get there. I've got a place, I just need to be 'better'. I have decided that if I don't get there or if I relapse again, I'll Kill myself for sure.
I do try hard to do things right but I keep falling backwards every time I show a bit of improvement.

lovelybones · 17-05-2009, 03:21 AM

it is normal to fall. you just gotta get yourself back up.
i think you'll make it. you've done SO well, especially considering your circumstances.
hang in there and keep posting. we're all here for you.

Steel Maiden · 17-05-2009, 04:04 AM

Thanks so much Lovelybones. I'll try to take things more slowly.

Steel Maiden · 17-05-2009, 04:36 AM

GRR I WANT WANT WANT TO GET 'BETTER'. I just want to be in uni studying hard and not dealing with so much MH sh*t.

SilentJudgement · 17-05-2009, 04:48 AM

I understand its frustrating.
Take things slowly, theres no easy way of getting better. Things will improve.

Steel Maiden · 17-05-2009, 05:09 AM

Sorry. Thanks. Its been 8 years now of not being right up there. And 5 years of schiz. I've been awake continually for 24 hours now. Will talk to the nurses later.

LucyLouLou · 17-05-2009, 07:40 AM

i think you will, i really do. you've come through a lot - getting yourself out of hospital, and pulling yourself through really distressing situations - those are really hard but you did them. i think if you really really want this, you can do it.
but maybe you've got to be realistic and say, well i'm never going to be fully 100% symptom free - and there will always be difficulties. But overall i am not going to let it stop me living my life to the full and achieving everything i want to. maybe in a way, still having some symptoms will make you stronger and more determined - or give you an incite into some things other people may not have?
sorry if i'm not much help, i know when you feel hopeless there's not a lot anyone can say. but you know what you want, so do not stop going for it, wake up every day thinking what your going to do to get where you want to be and hopefully every day you'll get closer.
i hope you can get some rest. Whats stopping you sleeping? is your mind just too active?
x

Ami · 17-05-2009, 03:11 PM

i think you're a really strong person and therefore will be "better" one day, it just takes time and effort, but you will be able to do it xx

xXMessedUpXx · 17-05-2009, 03:56 PM

Oly, i think you will get "better", but you have to take one day at a time. Its really good that you want to go to uni in september, you can use that as motivation, when things get really hard try and think about going o uni, tell yourself I can and i WILL get better. I won't lie, uni is stressful, it basically triggered a relapse for me, BUT and this is somethign i should stress i was unmedicated and had NO support. Hopefully this won't be the same for you, hopefully you will have all the support you need. I know some days it feels like you'll never get better, but you have to hang on to the hope that it will get better. *hugs*

justapuppetonastring · 17-05-2009, 05:58 PM

you will get better, maybe not completely free of symptoms but you will learn to cope with them so that they dotn effect your life in any way at all. It take effort and time but you will get there one day, hopefully sooner rather than later. I think having something to look forward to like uni will hel[p just keep looking forward your life will improve, i pormise. I had a supprt worker who is schizophrenic and she has small relapses every now and again but she lives a completely normal life. She has a job, she goes out with friends, she drives so it just shows just becasue you have schizophrenia it doesnt have to rule your life even though it is a part of it. Take care honey and use the hospital to its full extent.

plastic rose · 18-05-2009, 03:37 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Steel Maiden

GRR I WANT WANT WANT TO GET 'BETTER'. I just want to be in uni studying hard and not dealing with so much MH sh*t.

I felt this way for SUCH a long time. I am at uni now and I still feel that way. I still have to deal with my mental illness. But you know what, universities are extremely accepting of mental illness and they make a lot of concessions for me. It's a genuine disability, and they have to (by law) make sure that I am not discriminated against. They have to give me the same chance as anyone else to complete my degree, and that includes giving me extra time in exams, extensions on deadlines, one-to-one mentoring twice a week with a mentor who specialises in helping people with psychiatric and neurological problems...

Worse comes to worse, you can defer your place for a year. I did that. As long as you have medical evidence that you are too ill to take your place this year but there's a good chance that in a year's time you will be well enough to do so, they have to save your place for you.

plastic rose · 18-05-2009, 03:39 PM

Although there is no cure for Schizophrenia, and to a certain extent you will most likely always suffer from it to a degree, I do believe that most people can find the right combination of treatments - sometimes including ECT if nothing else works - to get them well enough to be able to function in the world, and have a mostly happy, productive life. Sadly a lot of people don't get the help they need. And a lot of people do not comply with their treatment, those are the things which make schizophrenia so hard to treat. It can sometimes take a long time to get you to a place where you're stable and can get on with your life most of the time, but be patient and stick with it. It will be worth it in the end.

lostandalone3 · 19-05-2009, 12:29 PM

What you might need to do is sit down with someone you trust, write down all the things you experience voices, hallucinations etc and get them to tell you what is real and what is not.
I know this worked for someone else i know... who is now at med school. they just carry a list around with them and when things start to get out of control they refer back to the list and see if it is real or an hallucination.
As for the sleeping issue accept sedation.....

27-05-2009, 03:34 AM

I know that feeling. I want to go back to college so bad and study biology or zoology. But my mental health just won't let me. so all i can say is hope you get better and *lots of hugs*

consequential · 28-05-2009, 01:36 AM

i was extremely ill three years ago and now im able to work and interact with ppl .and when i say i was sick i mean i was complete head case ,so theres no reason that u cant be like me and heal urself with the right meds and that
the only downside for me is that i become overweight and its not good but its better than hearing voices

Wellingtons · 29-05-2009, 05:55 PM

If you really want a life free from mental illness then you can have it, you've just got to really want it (not just the degree, the life without being a MH patient).

Steel Maiden · 30-05-2009, 11:06 AM

Thank you so much all. You've really helped.

I am going to try and get an appointment with my psychologist when things are better and I will try the "reality check list" to see what is real and what is not. However I am struggling to understand what is real and what is not now as the nurses keep telling me there are no Spies etc and the government are not Spying on me BUT THEY ARE AND THEY DO EXIST.

I'm on Haloperidol as well as Amisulpride now which is giving me extra side-effects =/ but the Voices are less frequent and less loud now that I've started the haloperidol.

Thanks again though.

plastic rose · 30-05-2009, 12:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daffodill

If you really want a life free from mental illness then you can have it, you've just got to really want it

I have to say I find that remark quite patronising and belittling to people suffering form mental illness. I mean... that's like saying if you want a life free of cancer you just have to really really want the cancer to go away. It doesn't work like that. You need medical treatment. Sometimes the first treatent you try doesn't work. Sometimes neither does the third, or the fourth, or the fifth.... sometimes it takes years. It has nothing to do with how much you 'want' it.

There is no cure for serious mental illnesses, they are usually life-long conditions. You can get better, in the sense that, you can get to a point where you can live relatively symptom-free or totally symptom-free, but it takes work, and upkeep. Yes, you have to want it. But you need a lot of other things too. You need a good specialist (often one who specialises in your specific condition), the right combination of medication(s), diet, exercise, therapy and possibly alternative therapies. You need a good support network, and sometimes you need an advocacy worker, a disability support advisor... etc etc.

It's not as simple as just wanting it. Nobody wants to be mentally ill.

Steel Maiden · 30-05-2009, 01:45 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Daffodill

If you really want a life free from mental illness then you can have it, you've just got to really want it (not just the degree, the life without being a MH patient).

Erm....of course I really want it. But I don't have it yet.

Steel Maiden · 30-05-2009, 01:47 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by plastic rose

I have to say I find that remark quite patronising and belittling to people suffering form mental illness. I mean... that's like saying if you want a life free of cancer you just have to really really want the cancer to go away. It doesn't work like that. You need medical treatment. Sometimes the first treatent you try doesn't work. Sometimes neither does the third, or the fourth, or the fifth.... sometimes it takes years. It has nothing to do with how much you 'want' it.

There is no cure for serious mental illnesses, they are usually life-long conditions. You can get better, in the sense that, you can get to a point where you can live relatively symptom-free or totally symptom-free, but it takes work, and upkeep. Yes, you have to want it. But you need a lot of other things too. You need a good specialist (often one who specialises in your specific condition), the right combination of medication(s), diet, exercise, therapy and possibly alternative therapies. You need a good support network, and sometimes you need an advocacy worker, a disability support advisor... etc etc.

It's not as simple as just wanting it. Nobody wants to be mentally ill.

Thanks. Those words are good words.

If go to Cambridge, my two friends (one of which is an autism rights advocate, I've got Aspergers but she can also accomodate for schizophrenia) are going to help me get all the support I can in uni.

If I don't go to Cambridge, I won't Kill myself. I'll go on a Killing rampage. Well, I won't completely Killl my victims, I'll just do grevious bodily harm on them. Because that is how mad I would be driven.