ok so there is another thread on how much everyone hates spam phonecalls.. i read this a while ago and thought you would all apprceiate it.. =] made me giggle anyways
1. Use a husky, dirty phone sex voice but ask normal questions about the proposed offer.
“Is it a low interest rate? mmmmm…I like low interest rates…really low…”
2. In an outrageously excited tone: “Thank god you called!!!” Explain that an online psychic told you that your future lover would randomly call disguised as an asshole.
3. Say you are hard of hearing and see how loud they will shout into the phone.
4. Allow the telemarketer to fully explain his offer. When he is finished explain that his company hired you to randomly spot check telemarketers on their performance. Tell him that he did a good job overall, but that he is a bit monotone and needs to fluctuate his tone of voice more to sound convincing. He also should pause longer between sentences, and more clearly pronounce the letter “s”. Tell him you won’t report him if he repeats his speech to you with the appropriate corrections. Repeat.
5. Be incredibly polite as they explain their offer, but make farting noises once in a while and ask whether there is something wrong with the connection.
6. In an annoyed tone cut the telemarketer off mid sentence : “Dan, stop screwing around…we have to get rid of this body fast, did you find a chainsaw or not?”
7. “Congratulations! You’re the 100th caller on the (insert local radio station) Sweet Vacation Giveaway Blast Marathon. You’ve just won a pair of tickets to Negril, Jamaica and the use of Sean Paul’s celebrity vacation house.” Take down her address and send her all of your L.L.Bean catalogues for the rest of your life...after you use them as liner for your cat’s litter box.
8. Flirt.
9. Keep repeating, “I knew you were going to say that…”
10. Stutter on a syllable of an obvious word in a sentence… see how long it takes before he completes the phrase. When he does, get upset, and say “That really hurts my fee…fee… fee… fee…feel…fee… fee… fee…” ad infinitum.
11. Pee on the phone while he’s talking.
12. Mid pitch, stop him and complement him on his wonderful voice. Explain that you are a voiceover scout and might have a breakthrough commercial job for him. Ask if he wouldn’t mind doing a quick test. Ask him to say in a deep husky voice “May cause dizziness, diarrhea, vomiting and shortness of breath. A small number of participants in a recent clinical trial experienced weight loss, irregular clotting, abnormally frequent and/or painful urination and hair loss. Results may vary”
13. Ask how much it would take to get him to stop working as a telemarketer. Start at $1000. Say you are dead serious.
14. Ask if he will be your friend if you sign up.
15. Tie obscure facts about Barbara Streisand to everything thing he says,, “2.3% interest rate? oh my…did you know Barbara was 23 when she filmed Funny Girl…”
16. Every few minutes repeat, “You’re going to have to bear with me, I have a slight short term memory loss problem…who is this again?”
17. “Oh my god, I used to have your job…does Bob still work there (repeat names until you find a match)…which building are you in?” Escalate coincidence until you both realize that you sat in the same chair. Explain that you had to quit work when your genitals mysteriously vanished.
18. Regardless of the offer tell him you’ll take 7. If he asks what you mean say he drives a hard bargain and you’ll take 9, but that’s as far as you’ll go.
19. Every half-minute ask him to hold and pretend to scream at your invalid mother. “You want to use the bathroom??? Well stop whining and get up out of the wheelchair for a change. You just sit there and think about that for a while, mother. Can’t you see I’m on the damn phone?”
20. Forgive him. Tell him you did. Over and over again, until he hangs up. Then secretly take it back.
smile, your beautiful
if someone hates you, be proud that youve done something worthwhile enough for them to disaprove of
As a member of the official fan club, it's BARBRA Streisand.
¬_¬
And he brought me into a vast farmlands of our own midwest. And as we descended, cries of impending doom rose from the soil. One thousand, nay a million voices full of fear. And terror possesed me then. And I begged, "Angel of the Lord, what are these tortured screams?" And the angel said unto me, "These are the cries of the carrots, the cries of the carrots! -- Not a vegetarian
Actually made me lol! We used to put my cat on the phone and let them talk at him for a bit. My brother used to pretend to be my dad to see how long it would be till they clocked on. Fun with telemarketers.
7th July 2007
Hope is the feeling you have, that the feeling you have isn't permanent. (Jean Kerr)
My dad once kept a call centre person on the phone for almost an hour, asking the right questions and pretending he was interested, wondering what payments options there were, wether there were any products that work well with it, all that type of stuff. The guy on the other end of the phone hung up when my dad said 'I think there might be a slight problem...Can you build conservatories on upstairs flats?'
Which was only slightly amusing at the time.
Now I'll play your ghost as my ace, whenever I'm led astray.
But I am actually good, can't help it if we're tilted.
I'm in my right place, don't be a downer.
Don't be fooled by my smooth skin. The deepest scars are the ones unseen.
Remember compliments you received, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how..~ Baz Lurhman.
Letting it get to you - You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now that's all that counts. ~ Doctor Who "The Doctors Wife" 06.November.2011
I've worked in a call centre a couple of times (I was young, I needed the money). I know how hard it is to be on the other side of the phone line and receive nothing but abuse all day for minimum wage as you desperately try and make one sale. You have targets to meet after all.
Doesn't stop them being annoying when they DO call. It just means that I hang up instead of swear at them.
Don't be fooled by my smooth skin. The deepest scars are the ones unseen.
Remember compliments you received, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how..~ Baz Lurhman.
Letting it get to you - You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now that's all that counts. ~ Doctor Who "The Doctors Wife" 06.November.2011
I've worked in a call centre a couple of times (I was young, I needed the money). I know how hard it is to be on the other side of the phone line and receive nothing but abuse all day for minimum wage as you desperately try and make one sale. You have targets to meet after all.
Doesn't stop them being annoying when they DO call. It just means that I hang up instead of swear at them.
did anyone use more creative ways to show you're annoying them?
There was one guy who led me on into thinking that the sales patter was working. Until it came to taking his details then he was like "address, yep. that's 1 Aslan street in Narnia"
And there was another person (a guy, it was mostly men that played the jokes) who answered the phone in perfect English and as soon as he figured I was trying to sell him a kitchen he put on one of those false Indian accent like Apu in the simpsons "Yes, no. No english. No English. Yes. No." Any time I made a noise that's all I said.
Don't be fooled by my smooth skin. The deepest scars are the ones unseen.
Remember compliments you received, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how..~ Baz Lurhman.
Letting it get to you - You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now that's all that counts. ~ Doctor Who "The Doctors Wife" 06.November.2011
