Triggering (SI) - My psychiatrist just made me feel ten times worse

[prophecygirl]

I am so fed up with so called mental health 'professionals'. My depression has reached a crescendo lately. I have self harmed and tried to kill myself more times in the past year than the rest of my life put together. And the ironic thing is, I only started getting real 'help' one year ago. So after two long hospital admissions, regular trips to the psychiatrist, weekly therapy, anti-depressants, anti-psychotics, hypnotics, two therapy groups and numerous trips to the A&E department I feel worse than ever before. I think I was better off when I was in denial and totally dissociated.

My psychiatrists keep messing up my medication and we regularly argue to the extent that they threaten me with involuntary admission. All because I just want to be heard, to be listened to. They also constantly write inaccurate reports in my files and when I try to have them corrected the doctors all close ranks and say i must have been mistaken, confused or distracted (basically they seem to equate mental health difficulties with a lack of intelligence). My Mum has started coming in with me as a witness to what is said so they can't turn around and say the discussion never happened or happened differently than I recall. I am 29 and highly embarrassed and degraded as I need my Mum to hold my hand.

I usually get a maximum of 10 minutes with my psychiatrist (public health service) and today was the worst visit ever. I have a long history of self harm, suicide attempts, sexual abuse, rape and have been diagnosed with BPD. Here's some of the 'not so helpful' things my doctor said to me today
- why do you still feel down? It is up to you to take control and start feeling better.
- Everyone has problems, what makes you so special that your problems are worse than everyone else's?
- If you don't get your act together you will never succeed at college.
- (I took an overdose last Saturday) Why do you keep taking those overdoses when we are trying to help you? It is a bad reflection on us.
- You don't seem to listen to us or understand what we are saying to you. Life is precious. But if you want to keep taking overdoses that is up to you. There is nothing we can do to help.

Then he hands me my prescription and an appointment for 3 weeks time and tells me to take care????? Am I the only one that thinks that what he said was completely unhelpful and even unethical. He's only one of many (you never get to see the same psychiatrist twice) and they're all the same.

So instead of making me feel better I now feel ten times worse and the anger I am so badly trying to control is bubbling over and affecting those close to me.

I just don't know what to do. If the professionals can't/ won't help me, what's the point? I'm on my own. I feel so helpless.

Sorry. Didn't mean to go on so long, but I got on a roll

[prophecygirl]

No worries. I appreciate that reply. It makes me feel less alone.

Thanks for the support.

[small light]

I have to rely on my mum for most things, and though I'm only 19, it's beginning to get me so frustrated. I really hate it when professionals are doing a crap job *anger* but take care and remember we're here *hugs* you deserve someone who can give time towards you, and I hope you find it soon :)

[black_vortex]

I'd like to say (as a future 'professional') that i am horrified that this would happen. Yet sadly i know it happens all too frequently. If you have been getting help for 10 years and there was no change, it may be okay to say some of those things, but one year, thats hardly enough time to make a big difference, especially with them acting like that. Please dont give up on getting help becasue of this bad experience. There are people out there, like me, who just want to help. I really wish i had something more useful to say than try and find someone who will actually work with you, but thats all i can think of at the moment. Good luck.

[The Midnight Crazies]

Hm well, while I can see the points he tried to get across the way he did that was just cold hearted and rude, it usually works a lot better to focus on the good things. I, myself, have found therapists and shrinks totally unhelpful, shrinks were worse in terms of unhelpfulness usually...

Marte

[Sugar and Spice]

*hugs*
I can only really offer you the knowledge that you are not alone.
The psychologist I had through CAMHS made me feel worse too so I can totally relate.

Hope you are ok x

[Razoredge]

hey, i no that feeling as i have the same with my supposed team of professionals, all they say to me is that we cant help you because i will not go to the group theropy they are offering, i have been 4 about 5 monuths now and they will not listen to me. i agree with u about what the doctors sadi that was outta order and they should not be allowed to say things like that to you! hope u r k PM if u need 2 tlk more. i got diagnosed with depression and BPd so i no what it feels like

[-Tough-Cookie-]

i cant say anything to help but my dr has the type of things yours did...like there help was making me worse, and why was i still bad, and i should help myself...

seriusly if we could help outselves would we waste our lives in hospital waiting rooms?

there idiots hun.

[Becca]

I can't say anything of help whatsoever but I can tell you you aren't alone in being treated this way. I am being treated similarly by my mental health 'team' too.

[prophecygirl]

Thanks a million guys, for all the support. It helps just to know that I am not alone in my views, experiences or feelings. Sometimes the doctors really do have you doubting yourself. But I do intend to get better, not because of them, but despite them.

I appreciate all your comments and if I can ever help out in return just let me know.

[Stellata]

I just wanted to add here something that my GP said to me when I was upset about the way the psychiatrist treated me. She said how it's his job to sort medication, and be good at that. Rather than be empathic. The empathy can come from my therapist. We agreed it's not ideal and nor should it be that way, but I did find it very comforting and reassuring at the time. And at my next visit he did seem to have a bit more of a clue.

This doesn't make the way he treated you right, but it can help to put things in perspective. Remember psychiatrists are primarily knowledge based trained, and their so called 'bedside manners' often leave much to be desired. Therapeutic training is a whole other thing, and something I feel every psychiatrist should have, but they don't! You get some good ones, like you get some good GPs - mine being a prime example.

It seems he has little understanding of what depression is really like.

Remember your feelings are important, and you deserve understanding and support.

[prophecygirl]

I was actually thinking about that. (You know when you go over and over things that happen and try to come up with things that might make you feel better?). Basically psychiatrists are just general doctors with a module of 'the brain' stuck on the end of their training. I'm a psychology student and I probably have a broader knowledge than they do. Their main expertise is psychopharmacology.

So I'm just going to let him do his job and dish out my meds. I'll go to my therapist for the advice and understanding. And until I'm qualified, I'm not going to try to take on the system.

[well]

Like if it was "completely up to me to change my feelings and how I let things affect me" DON'T THEY THINK I WOULD HAVE DONE THIS YEARS AGO?!!!!! I'm not exactly enjoying myself here.....I've hurt myself since I was like, TWO.....so don't go telling me I just need an attitude adjustment..... I don't CHOOSE to feel like this!!!!!

[starshine]

There are plenty of times i ran into that, it sucks that you got someone(s) like that. Its sad but the truth is there are alot of shrinks like that. I hope you can a solution to all this! *HUGS*