Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - I am not okay.

[rustedchains]

I am not okay.
I am not okay.
The one who forbade me to cry is the one I cry over, when I cry.
I'm not a crier by nature, you know.
I'm finally broken enough to cry.
The flashbacks are worse than ever.
I'm not sleeping in order to avoid the nightmares.
My lips move to plead him to stop... he's hurting me.
He won't.
He's selfish.
He doesn't care.
and if he did this to me, certainly I deserved it.
I should have stopped him. I should have protested.
I should have obeyed him more. I shouldn't have smart talked him. I shuldn't have cried that one time.

Maybe if I cut the memories will leave.
Maybe if I hurt myself, I won't keep remembering him hurting me.

[troubleshooter]

*hugs tight* Honey it's okay to cry now even if he said it wasn't wen you were younger. He's wrong, and it's not your fault you were hurt. Cutting won't make it better, and yo didn't deserve it. Sometimes you can't stop things, and especially when you're little. You can do nothing to EVER deserve abuse of any kind, EVER. *hugs tight* It's ok to cry now, now it's just the memory.

[rustedchains]

i'm not really sleeping anymore.
i'm too afraid too..