Triggering (SI) - what is wrong with me??

[rayxofxsunshine]

maybe it's just a stupid selfish thing for me to do, but when I get really upset for no reason, and I can't take it, I make up lots of stories. I've faked friends dying, family members having accidents, you name it. I've even invented other people online (I would pretend to be them, and then as myself I'd claim them as friends) just so I could pretend they killed themselves. Everytime I did it, it was like I was the one who wanted to die. I feel so ashamed of my behavior, but maybe I just crave the attention, who knows?

I promised myself I wouldn't do that on this forum because you guys deserve better from me...but, I did to my friends last night. I pretended my cousin tried to commit suicide because I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I felt so ignored by everyone while I felt like I was dying inside. I feel like a failure and a stupid person and an idiot and everything else.


And then...for the first time in 2 years, I cut. I feel so useless. I want to die.

[green.eyes]

hey hun
perhaps its because if you have a 'reason' to feel bad then people are more understanding and sympathetic whereas if you don't know why you're depressed then people dont really understand it?
could you maybe explain to people close to you that you feel bad a lot of the time and really need support without having to explain why?
remember that you deserve support for yourself and not because something terrible has happened.
*hugs*

[Lady Arya]

hey hunni i just wnated to say there is nothing wrong with what you do maybe you just feel you have no identity. i hope you feel better soon

[Mad Dps]

I understand complete with what you said...i do the same thing...I do it bc i feel people pay more attention to me...but not for just my SI...

[silverfaerychild]

Quote:

Originally Posted by rayxofxsunshine

maybe it's just a stupid selfish thing for me to do, but when I get really upset for no reason, and I can't take it, I make up lots of stories. I've faked friends dying, family members having accidents, you name it. I've even invented other people online (I would pretend to be them, and then as myself I'd claim them as friends) just so I could pretend they killed themselves. Everytime I did it, it was like I was the one who wanted to die. I feel so ashamed of my behavior, but maybe I just crave the attention, who knows?

I promised myself I wouldn't do that on this forum because you guys deserve better from me...but, I did to my friends last night. I pretended my cousin tried to commit suicide because I wanted to scream at the top of my lungs. I felt so ignored by everyone while I felt like I was dying inside. I feel like a failure and a stupid person and an idiot and everything else.


And then...for the first time in 2 years, I cut. I feel so useless. I want to die.

Hun,maybe i am not sure what its called.....but its a illness where someone fabercates someone dying.....Like vada in My girl how she thinks she is dying when a new dead...person comes into there house for her father to make up for there funeral...i am not saying your like vada...but maybe you could be scared of death,.....and just be fabercating what it may be like if you did lose someone

but i think there is other people out there who do the same thing i ...bet your not alone