Understanding

[~hunni~]

When you tell people about your SI (if you do) do you feel like they understand what you're going through? I always feel like it's something that the people I talk to never understand fully. That's not to say that they're not supportive, but it's always in a more 'you should really stop' kind of way - whilst for me, I don't SIing is the main issue.

I don't know how to convey the feelings that come with SIing, the compulsion that makes you do it, why it's not easy to just stop. I guess the same goes for all of the things associated with depression. I just feel like it would be good if there was someone in my life who really knew what I'm going through.

[Tia4tw]

good thing you're on here then. We all understand it, i understand as well trying to explain to someone why you do it and how it becomes... addictive i suppose. *hugs*

[xlaurenx]

I just wanted to open up a lil and tell someone most of my friends dont understand why i do it and maybe think i am a lil crazy they will never understand i dont think you ever can understand it fully unless u do it.

[Vicky<><]

I totaly understand, when I told one friend and when I try and talk to him about it he says, he cant talk to me about it cause something like that doesnt even cross his mind and hes a close friend.
Others tut at me when they see ive done it, that know that i do and really feels like they are looking down on me.
But the guy I just started seeing whos my ex and didnt know I did it before this time we started seeing each other said that he really really wants me to stop and he wants to be there for me and when he cant be here pysicaly he tells me he understands how hard it is and that i cant just stop, he also said that he would take them off me but we came to the deal that ill let him check my arms!
I think you never can understand something unless you do go through it and you do find people who really dont understand but then the other people who really want to help you through it.
I think it also depends what type of person they are!
Sorry dont know if this is much help!
god bless
vicky

[Target Dawn]

I think people try to be supportive but really, they often just say the wrong things that trigger me even more like..."Don't do it again"..."It's silly, you aren't a silly person!"..."Why can't you just stop?".

Arghh! >_<

If it were that simple, no one would be doing it.

[foreverXanXaddict]

one will never understand until they do it. its as simple as that. as for wishing you had someone aroudn you that "knew", if you mean someone who was going thru it too, thats a bad idea. bc then you talk about it and figure out where they cut and what they use and you want to try it and you deal with it with them so much and yourself so much that it becomes a constant thought. as for all of that you just want to have community like this that will support you but not necessarily enable, which is, unintentionally, what having a friend nearby who does it...


i mean, those are just my experiences, someone told me that when i was younger and i thought they were full of sh*t but its actually really true.

[eyes.wide.open]

people dont understand untill they have done it.
i have known some people who have close to understanding it, but nope.
its like.. you dont get it untill you get it.

[KittenEyes]

^^ Exactly! They can't know what you're going through, they only know what you tell them. If all you say is that you cut yourself when you get upset, they probably just wonder why you don't do something else instead. I used to find it very frustrating that no one had a better response than to just tell me to stop... but I know that that's all they can think to say. I used to ignore everyone's responses like that, but now I try to realize that they do MEAN what they say, they just don't understand how hard it is.

If you want them to understand more, you could try comparing it to alcoholism or drug addiction; it's the same thing. Only our drug is cutting. When I say it that way people tend to get it more.

[snowflake]

I totally get what you mean. I had a friend that i told about my SI and she was like "why can't you just be happy?" its like, if it was that easy i wouldn't still be like this. my friends who i've told, they try to understand but because they've never experienced it they just don't get it.

[[Pixie]]

Totally understand.
Most people think its werid to hurt yourself on purpose, and if your honest with your self and the foot was on the other shoe kind of thing youd be the same way.
You dont know what its like untill your going through it.
addiction is hard to beat.
it annoys me the way drug addiction or somethin is classed as "ok", as in ok to talk about properly but self harm is still sort of wrong to talk about, its still so hidden,
dont get me wrong i hide mine of course but it still annoys me.

[fallen wings44]

Quote:

Originally Posted by eyes.wide.open

people dont understand untill they have done it.
i have known some people who have close to understanding it, but nope.
its like.. you dont get it untill you get it.

yeah i agree

[nightcat]

It's completly true that people don't understand untill they've done it, same goes for a lot of things in life really like smoking or drinking.

I know that when my friends first realised that those marks on my arm couldn't be the cat (they worked out after they realised I don't actually own a cat) they themselves went through a lot, and I understand why they were so upset by me doing it. Although at first they thought they were helping, they knew that by having a go at me, raiding my room for my tools that it just wasn't helping and was actually making it a whole lot worse.
I couldn't handle the fighting it caused within my social group, nor the nagging about it or the teasing for that matter but it was bearable, just about.

But trying to explain does no good either. I tell them that it's not really me doing it, I've answered every question they've asked about it, and still they're confused as to why I do it. I've explained it as something they can understand like, you know when you're stressed bex, you go have a fag and you know you don't mean to and part of you doesn't want to but you do it anyway which helped at least two or three of my friends get some of why I do it.
The unfotunate truth is it is just one of those things that can get really upsetting and frustrating but I found I just had to say to myself. Heyy, this is me, this is what I do, not THEM, I get me, most of the time, so meh, let them think what they want of it, at least I know.

x Hope that kinda helps with ya question x

[silverfaerychild]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tia4tw

good thing you're on here then. We all understand it, i understand as well trying to explain to someone why you do it and how it becomes... addictive i suppose. *hugs*

^ totally ^


we all understand.....its odd with SH-ers


we understand each other so well its almost like we are family in some odd way

[stop_the_bleeding]

i never feel completly understoooood.

[tigris]

Even the one other person that I know who SIs doesn't understand, because she has been able to give up successfully and she can't understand why I can't.

Neither my friends nor my parents could get it either, they both told me that hurting yourself 'isn't natural' and I should get over it. Not very helpful really.

[littlewhisper]

i lost my friends because they thought i was doing it for attention and they spread it round the school..not one single person offered me support everyone just looked down on me.

dont worry hun in here ive found everyone to be so amazingly understanding. maybe ask people to see what people say in here to give them an idea. but its hard no one could really understand unless they themsleves do it.
for me its the abilty to control some of the pain i feel.

pm me anytime ok?

love + hugs xxx