Is this paranoia?

I have certain things I'm not sure if they're just me being weird or if they're actually paranoia. I know I had one severely paranoid episode one time, but the other times I'm not sure...

The other day I was on the phone with my mom, and the cell phone kept dropping the call/giving static... I was convinced that someone was "jamming the transmission". Didn't know who. It didn't particularly scare me. It just sounded so reasonable. I knew it was weird and implausible, but I couldn't really talk myself out of it...

Other times I'll be paranoid my boyfriend is going through my history on my computer, even though I have no reason to think that. Or I'll think he's put hidden cameras up. Like I'll be aware of what I'm doing cause I think someone's watching me. It causes a little bit of fear, but not a lot. It's like even though I think these things are happening, I'm not too afraid. I'm just kinda off in my own world.

Sometimes I'll think everyone is looking at me. Or that they're working for a satanic cult and watching me. Or that everyone is laughing at me, even though I've never talked to them (that's the one that causes the most stress). Or I used to (and still do at times, though i try to push it away) think that demons were everywhere, watching me. And since I had been told in church that demons couldn't read your thoughts, so I would purposely not say stuff to people that I thought they could "use".

One other time, I was in the hospital for like 2 weeks, and it was really really bad. So bad that when I was getting ready to get out, I had blocked some of it out, so I didn't even remember most of the stay. I do now, but at the time I didn't. But I got really manic and then was convinced some of the medicine they gave me was meant to not let me remember because something bad was happening that they didn't want me to know about.

Those are the ones I can think of right now. The other thing is I know what sounds paranoid to other people. Like I might believe it, but I'm still there enough to realize that other people don't believe it, so I don't say anything. Usually anyway. I think the exception was that one in the hospital. And these ideas are rarely all that specific. Sometimes I kinda know I'm being irrational, but sometimes I really am not sure. I get very confused.

What do you think? Is this stuff everyone does, or is this mild paranoia? Also, if this is being paranoid, is that part of Bipolar I or OCD? That's all I've been diagnosed with (as of late anyway).

[sherlock holmes]

You do sound a bit paranoid I guess, but I have no idea if it's related to Bipolar/OCD.

Do you have a psychiatrist or a doctor you see? I would discuss this with them and they can tell you if it's paranoia or something else, and how you can reduce it.

[SecretMe]

Yes, I think this would qualify as paranoid episodes. Absolutely. I can relate to some of the things you are sharing and I have issues with paranoia.

It seems more likey to me that it would be linked to certain moods or symptoms that are apart of Bipolar 1

I don't think it has anything to do with OCD. But of course I am not a professional, almost, but not quite.

If you are on any new medication this could be a side effect. If you aren't on any new medications then I would stick with what I already said. Either way I think you should talk with whatever professionals help you to see what they say. There is no shame in admitting it. You need relief. Trust me, when my paranoia got out of control it made my life miserable.

Hang in there and take care of yourself. I care and am here if you need me.

*hugs*

[sopranonut]

I would definately tell you psych about this, as secretme says above you don't want it to get so bad it starts to rule your life.

Sometimes I have feelings that people in the street are laughing at me or people are talking about me etc. I think for me this is when i'm feeling vulnerable or have very low self esteem.

In regards to your diagnoses and which one this is related to - mental health/illness is so complex that people may experience all sorts of combinations of symptoms and these don't always necssarily fit into one particular 'disorder'. What's important is that you are experiencing this symptom and you are worried about it, therefore it is affecting your life.

I hope that makes sense? (Not sure i'm thinking or expressing myself too clearly this morning!)

I hope you can talk to your psych about this and he can help give you some insight to this problem.

yeah I think I mentioned it a little, but I tend to forget everything I want to say when I go in. But yeah, this is stuff that's happened over the past 5 years, and I've only been on meds for a little under 2 years. (And about a combination of 15 different meds at various times at that)

it's not too bad now, but yeah i don't want it to get there. i'm switching psychs, so hopefully they'll pay more attention and ask a few questions on the first visit. although i don't know cause it's the same company, just different clinics so they tend to take your old evaluations (which i think kinda keeps them outdated).