My boyfriend of six years, Josh, is in the Army National Guard, meaning he goes one weekend a month and does training and drills for the military and if they're needed they can be called up to go overseas or deal with something in country. He's been having troubles financially lately, has lost his apartment, can't find a job, and is getting kicked out of the friends apartment he's been staying at. Looking at all of his options he's decided he thinks he wants to see if his unit will let him go active army... meaning he'd be on base somewhere, probably either somewhere in country or in Germany, for the next 3 years... I would get to see him very rarely. I'm overwhelmed. I know this is what he needs to do, but I don't know if I can handle being apart from him for that long... I don't want to be selfish and tell him I don't want him to, but I really don't... I love him so much and I don't know what to do...
Perhaps you could find a servicemans website for partners of people servinf overseas? Im sure they exist. It cant be easy on anyone. Ask him what his motifs are for doing this. If its to secure the pair of your futures then its something you will need to suport him with. If not then you need to look at alternatives or see whether a long distance relationship is something you both want and can handle.
Im sorry i dont have any words of comfort or reassurance but i think you need to get these issues sorted and out in the open.
I hear you hun. My dad was a soldier for 20 years. I can remember times as a young child not recognising him when he got back from being away for months on end. I am sorry that your boyfriend is having a tough time at the moment. Please try to look at it from his perspective. He can't find a job or a house and a full time job in the military might just give him that, not to mention a chance to serve his country. I'm not sure how the military works in your country, but in Australia they normally accomodate wives, defactos, children in army housing or subsidized (sp?) housing and the single men and women live on base. If you have been with him this long can you commit to living together in military housing? You might have to get accustomed to being moved around every few years but at least you will get some time together. Usually army houses (well here anyway) are in army neighbourhoods so you will make plenty of friends with the other miltary wives. And look on the bright side, he isn't going into the navy where he would be at sea for a year at a time.
Hugs,
Nathan
"For those who fight for it, life has a flavour the sheltered never know"
-Pinned to a noticeboard at the US Command Post in Khe Sanh.
I personally don't believe that joining the military as a fall back is a good idea at all. I've known several people who have done that and it hasn't turned out well for them at all. Every single one of them has gotten into it and then a few months/a year or so later they are bitter and hating every second of it because they didn't do it for the right reasons.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
Aidey - I agree with you about the fall back issue totally. Just not sure if this is what you would call a 'fall back' situation. Hypothetically if he finds any civillian job and takes it because that's all he can find, isn't that a fall back job? And wouldn't he be likely to become disgruntled in that job because he would only be there for a pay check? He is also in the National Guard already serving part time so he would have some idea of what military life is like. My grandfather was in a similar situation in the 1950s, he was farming and wasn't making any money and had a wife and four kids to look after. He joined the army, got military housing and a wage to feed the family. He didn't become disgruntled either, in fact stayed there for over 25 years and served in Vietnam too. He had previous military experience in the Air Force after WW2 so like Bwana's boyfriend, he knew what to expect. If the screening process is anything like in Australia, they will be very thorough in their testing of applicants physical and mental health. I'm sure if there was any problems like those mentioned, the interviewing psychologist should find them. I wish you all the best and hope he can find the job he really wants, whatever it may be.
"For those who fight for it, life has a flavour the sheltered never know"
-Pinned to a noticeboard at the US Command Post in Khe Sanh.
But if he takes a civilian job as a "fall back" job he's not signing his life away for the next 6 years, and signing up to be put into a combat zone.
And the US is so desperate for people right now I wouldn't put ANY faith in their screening process. And I mean no offense to NG people, but it's a heck of a lot different than being active military in the middle of a war.
Well it breaks my heart to see you this way,
The beauty in life, where's it gone?
And somebody told me you were doing okay,
Somehow I guess they were wrong.
It's really his choice to make. He's an adult and knows the risks. I don't really know about the US screening process or NG. I don't know if all military jobs have a 6 year service obligation in the US. I know that in Australia some jobs do but not all of them. I guess it's something he will have to look into carefully as part of his decision making process.
"For those who fight for it, life has a flavour the sheltered never know"
-Pinned to a noticeboard at the US Command Post in Khe Sanh.
Oh Lizz honey,
I am an Army wife. My husband is the Reserves and we are in much the same boat as you.
My husband lost his civilian job, we were forced to move out of our apartment because we couldn't pay the rent.
We are currently living with his parents.
He is contemplating either going Active Guard Reserve or Active Duty.
My husband was overseas in Iraq from May 2007-June 2008 (got to come home for 2 weeks in January)
You may want to think about visiting and/or joining http://www.marriedtothearmy.com/...
it has LOADS of great info for people like us!!! Whether we are "married" to an army man or not!!!
And if your boyfriend does go active- I know it would be hard, but it's not like you would never get to talk to him, and you never know,
he may get sent to a base closer to you than you expect, so you will be able to see him some... and you know what they say...
"absence makes the heart grow fonder!!!" Also... what is his MOS? Because depending on his MOS he may get a local duty station!!!
If you ever need to talk, I am only a PM away. <3
Last edited by BoundNoMore : 30-11-2008 at 03:22 AM.
Reason: adding something...
We're all in the same game;
Just different levels.
Dealing with the same hell;
Just different demons.
Thank you all for the advice.
Aidey, I understand the concern but for him it isn't really a fallback, it's what he wanted to do in the first place but he went into the National Guard because he was worried about leaving me. He loves the military and has always wanted be in the military so I highly doubt he'll end up bitter and hating it.
Thanks Amanda for the link. His MOS is Field Artillery.
He's talking to his unit this weekend about whether or not they'll let him go active. I've given in to the fact that this is probably what is best for him, and I'm going to support him in it.
He's asking his unit about it on Saturday when they have drill, and shortly after that I have to go to the unit's Christmas party and meet people and pretend I'm ok with all of this... Wish me luck...
