Triggering (Abuse) - SO confused! my manager at work...

[aquatickitten]

I don't know what's right anymore, I don't know what's healthy and good. There's a new manager at my work who's 22, four years older than I am. Since the first night we worked together, he's been flirting with me. I'm so confused. I know, I know, I'm almost 19...but I've always stayed far away from guys. I'm so confused about the way this guy makes me feel. I haven't encouraged what he does, but I haven't discouraged it either, because...it feels *so good* to be paid attention to, to be treated like I'm special and worth something, for someone to enjoy me. But...at the same time, I haven't felt like that since...back with my father. which is why this post is here, i guess. this guy is NOT a good guy for me to get involved with and i KNOW it.
but he pays attention to me.

oh god, i'm going to end up just like my mother...
i don't want this. i DON'T. but when he's around, i just...can't do anything about it. i feel trapped and helpless and NOTHING has even HAPPENED yet. I'm going to ruin my own life if I don't stop living like I'm worthless.

I don't know what to do. I just don't know.

[Stellata]

He's also your manager, and it's unethical for you to get involved with him sexually, really.
It's hard, because he makes you feel valuable, but also not in an entirely good way. You know that.
Keep the focus on your work. Thank him for his compliments, but keep the focus on your work. That would be my advice.

[Sometimes Crazy]

I understand how you appreciate feeling special and worth something - but I can relate to being afraid of these feelings because of past experiences.

I agree with Katie - focus on your job and be polite but nothing else to him. Do other things to look after yourself and make you feel special and nice, like little treats. Do you think that could work, honey?

[Renbowww]

i woudl suggest lightly letting him down, just say politely that you are involved with someone else, or just aren't interested. i agree with euphoria about the idea of doing nice things for yourself, when i dont feel special, i just aside a what I call "lazy" day. i get a bunch of my favorite food, a good book, and plop on the ouch and just lounge around. it doesnt change things but it does make me feel better sometimes

just tryin to help
feel better
xxxxxxxxx

[aquatickitten]

thank you everyone :) i'll try. i'm supposed to close out the store with him next week, so i guess we'll see what happens...

[Renbowww]

hon, be careful. just a feeling i have. be very careful.

[TimesLikeThese]

I'm happy to hear you're going to try this. As previous posts have said, try and focus on your work and find new ways to make yourself feel valued.

Let us know how it goes. Take care of yourself.

Sarah x