Triggering (SI) - if someone's alter (mpd) cheats is it cheating? ... and other issues

[jadedfaerie]

my girlfriend cheated on me. i found this out and confronted her. she didn't have any recollection of it and therefor denied it to no end. she has dissociative identity disorder (formally multiple personality disorder) and it was figured out (and then found out) that it was one of her alters that slept with our friend (before she was my friend). i dont know what to do about this.
she knows and always has known that if she cheated on me it would be an automatic break up on my end of things. but did she cheat on me??

we've been together for 9 months and have serious issues, but we're working on them. and trying really hard. things had gotten better in the past few weeks and then two days ago i find this out. it happend two months ago. so it's not like it happened years ago or when we first started dating.

i'm writing here because i really don't know what to think about this. and i'm having a really hard time dealing with it. it's like all of her faults and lies to me have come flooding back and it's just fueling the fire.

i haven't cut in a little less than 6 months and i'm really wavering on the edge here. she took our bird, who had been living with me for the past two or three months, back to her house and it was just the last straw. i don't cry and i actually started to shed a tear or two because of this and i just can't handle it. i want to cut and i dont know what to do.

[Heidi Tiger]

It's a difficult one.
I guess it depends wether you consider her alters different to her or not. For example if she switched into an alter in your presence but you would still act like a couple with her, then it's like you are dating her and her alters. So then I guess it would be a bit like cheating. However if when she was in an altered state you don't consider her to be your girlfriend, then I guess it's not cheating.

It sounds a difficult situation for both you and your partner and I hope you can work out wether you think it's forgiveable or not. And I'm sorry it's upsetting you so much. It must be a confusing time for you.
xxx

[SecretMe]

No matter what, the fact that your partner was with someone else is going to be a huge issue to deal with in the relationship.

The fact that she has no memory of it (if you believe that to be the truth and can tell that she is telling the truth) then, I would say it's hard then to say she was cheating. It would have been a part of her that is very different from the one that loves you.

That still does not take away your pain, the need to address the situation, therapy for the two of you would be a good thing I believe, and if she wants to make this relationship work she needs to figure out what is going on with the other parts of herself.

Although, I do know that for some with DID that is harder than for others.

I really think you are in a better position to judge this one than we are honey.

We can offer you are advice, support, care, and we can be here for you through everything that happens because we care so much about you.

But you are really the one that knows her and your own heart and relationship the best.

*Cuddles and lots of hugs*

It can't be easy. Let us know what happens and what you decide and how you are okay? I am concerned about you. I want you to be safe and to take care of yourself. Please don't feel like you have to be alone in this.

If you need to PM me or someone here you are close to, or post more, do something relaxing for yourself, take it easy, and give yourself some time to sort it out.

Hang on.

[Stellata]

Even though it's a 'walled off' part of her personality, it's still in the same body, and she is still responsible. The part of her that didn't do it needs to communicate with the part that did, and she will need to work this through in therapy.