Severely Triggering (ED) - I can't do this anymore...

little_miss · 11-11-2008, 05:33 PM

The thing is im scared to eat, really scared. I look at the food which comes in my mouth and i feel DISGUSTED. How can i be so dirty? How can i let food in my mouth?
I dont want to eat, because i will be punished. I will be attacked by the devil. He will hurt me. I cant let that happen. I just CANT.
Anyone there to help me?
Im so alone, and scared.

little_miss · 11-11-2008, 06:46 PM

Oh no :( Ive got to eat dinner, im so scared, i cant do it. But i have to. I am so petrified. I am going to be hurt and attacked. I must not eat. I cant. If i eat, i have to live with the bad consequences that itll bring. :(

nowhereman · 11-11-2008, 07:08 PM

Hey hun, I think bad things will happen if I eat too, but my dietcian asked me if anything bad had happened so far and it hasn't. I know the fear is scary and real but they're not true fears, they won't happen. You're not dirty for eating, everyone needs to eat, you need it to live and you deserve to live and be happy. Good luck with dinner, I know how scary it is but you can do this. *hugs*

fragile as glass · 11-11-2008, 08:15 PM

[quote]

Quote:

Originally Posted by dancintrulife

Hey hun, I think bad things will happen if I eat too, but my dietcian asked me if anything bad had happened so far and it hasn't. I know the fear is scary and real but they're not true fears, they won't happen.quote]

I echo the above from dancintrulife. Try to rationalise in the way her dietician suggested she did.

Everyone needs to eat even though it can be really hard at times. I hope you managed dinner. Please dont beat yourself up for eating xx

sparkle. · 12-11-2008, 03:35 AM

you're not alone sweetheart, *cuddles* we're all here for you. A lovely once told me - your body needs food like a car needs fuel - to keep going, it's true. Take care xxx

little_miss · 12-11-2008, 01:09 PM

Thank you all for your support.
I am sat here with a yoghurt, trying to eat it, but im just so scared to eat it. Im just terrified what will happen. How pathetic i am :(

fragile as glass · 12-11-2008, 03:13 PM

If you dont eat something your metabolism slows right down but if you eat even ifs just a wee bit then your metabolism will speed up. So eating a wee bit is better than nothing. And you are not pathetic

nowhereman · 13-11-2008, 02:05 AM

You're not pathetic hun, just scared. I hope you were able to eat it and that things get easier for you.

KrissyInterupted · 13-11-2008, 04:15 PM

hun you really arnt pathetic, most of us feel like this

how are you now hunny

little_miss · 13-11-2008, 04:35 PM

Thanks for your support, and telling me im not pathetic. It helps to reassure me im not alone with these thoughts.
Yesterday i had a small meal at night time, but today ive eaten nothing. I just cant bring myself to do it. :(
At the moment, im not doing too great to be honest. Ive had a stressful day (i had a hard meeting earlier).
I never thought id dread eating, when a week or so ago, it was what i did a lot of and enjoyed loads, and snacked a lot. But now, i just dont feel up to it.

fragile as glass · 13-11-2008, 04:40 PM

Please get help with your disordered eating before it becomes a full blown eating disorder. There is nothing nice or wonderful about having an ED. Its awful, it rules your life and can ruin it as well not to mention your physical health. Get out of it while you can. Please. xx

little_miss · 13-11-2008, 05:03 PM

I dont think I'll get an eating disorder. I dont really feel hungry, i can go without eating. I just dont want to be punished for eating. Thats what im most scared of-the devil attacking me, for eating. He already attacked me yesterday. :(
Thanks for your support, and i shall keep talking to my nurse and doctor about whats happening for me, so i am getting extra help.

fragile as glass · 13-11-2008, 05:28 PM

Never get complacent about your eating issues. Many people say they wont get one then allow their 'behaviour' to carry on and they get one.

I really hope you get good support - it can make so much difference. You do deserve it :)

little_miss · 14-11-2008, 05:45 PM

Thanks for the hugs everyone. I just dont see myself as someone that has an eating problem.
Im not eating much, i just cant, i had a yoghurt today, thats all. Im so scared of eating. It took me 40mins to have my small dinner last night, where it wud usually only take 10 at most. I sit there, hearing this voice saying "YOU'RE FAT. YOU'RE UGLY. YOU'RE DISGUSTING FOR EATING." Its really horrible. Im useless. I am fat. i need to lose weight. i need to stop eating altogether. i have to. i dont want to be attacked, i cant go through that.

fragile as glass · 14-11-2008, 08:00 PM

I dont mean to sound harsh but you are contradicting what you are saying. I think you have more awareness over what youre doing than you realise.

You say you dont think you have an eating problem yet you are posting in the eating disorder section of a self harm website.

I dont know what more to advise you. Start eating again by slowly building up you food intake. If you are struggling to do that that much then get some professional help for your food issues. If you really dont want a full blown ED accept some of the advice given to you.

Im trying to be straight because eating disorders ruin lives and I dont think tip toeing around you is going to help you at all.