what's it really like to be a teenager? *please post your views* /possible triggers/
This isn't for the eZine.
This isn't in my Supporter role, either.
This is for me. I genuinely would like to know what it is like to be a teenager. At home. At school. Being in your skin. With friends. With boy/girl friends. Anything and everything.
You see, my teenage years were developmentally missing. By that I mean I lived an exceedingly imprisoned and sheltered, emotionally impoverished, life. I had no social life. No sexual life. Nothing like that. I didn't even rebel, at least not verbally or by my actions.
All the 'normal teenage' feelings etc got put behind a wall in my mind, so's I could survive my day to day existence and in my parents' eyes.
In therapy right now we're opening that wall, and everything is there to be seen and heard and understood. And untangled.
So. Please tell me your experience of being a teenager. The highs. The lows. It would really help me.
And maybe it would help you too in the process of the re-telling.
first *hugs*. Im still a teenager but i wouldn't really describe my experience as 'normal', it's mostly been taken up by depression and the difficulties surrounding it. Buut i have always found school hard, trying to fit in and it took me a long time to realise that i would never fit in, and most importantly didn't want too. But through all the tough times in school and home you really know who your friends are, even if its just the one that sticks by you. I think the hardest thing about being a teenager is trying to feel comftable in your own skin (something ive not completed yet!). I don't know really what else to say,sorry im not in a more positive mood today
any questions, just ask! Take care sweetie xxx
That's a difficult question. As a teenager I did the whole rebellious thing, I would only wear black, I did odd things with my hair. But I didn't really fit into a defined social group, I had friends but I wasn't a goth/chav/emo/skater.
Early teenage years I changed from having previously gone to friends houses for tea, to going into town with them on a Saturday. We'd shop and buy cheap plasticky jewellery or nail varnish and try on clothes in Tammy girl.
School wasn't always the greatest, I was bullied a bit for being clever. But nothing that ever upset me too much, just a bit of name-calling and stuff. I was your classic over-achiever 90+% in every exam, member of the choir, the orchestra, shakespeare society, recorder club, mock trial, hockey club. You name it, I did it. I hated having time to stop and think
Later teens I didn't go into town so much with my friends. We'd go to parties in peoples houses or barns. That's when I started drinking alcohol, I was fairly sensible actually though and never had a hangover/was sick. It was here I discovered boys, which soon progressed from hand holding to kissing and "heavy-petting"
At 15/16 I discovered weed and used to bunk off school on a friday lunch time to get stoned. I'd come back to class for a double english lesson and would sit there completely zoned out.
I guess I had your usual teenage rows with my parents over me piercing my own ears, or being rude and stuff. However mine were abnormal in that it went beyond your angry door slamming and would end with my Dad locking me in the stable/throwing a wine glass at me.
I struggled to like myself as a teenager. I was never quite sure why, there was abuse later on, but I started self-harming at about 12 years old. No one knew though.
Later in my teenager years I developed anorexia which then went into bulimia from which I've only just recovered. However it was never really about being thinner than the other girls, I think it was because I struggled to accept me growing a womanly figure, I hated having breasts and hips.
I hope this helps. I think in a lot of ways mine is a typical teenage experience, however in other's it isn't.
I will get back to you in a bit, just need to think about what it was like being a teenager... feels a long time ago. Not in the right frame of mind atm, but just to let you know I've read it and will reply in a bit. xx
I'm still a teenager but I was never very rebellious. School for me was hard in the first year of high school as I wanted desperately to fit in with everyone else. I didn't have any friends really at that point which was quite a low point for me. In general I'm quite a shy person so I found it hard making friends. In the next few years I stopped trying to be like everyone else was just myself and this led to me becoming friends with 5 other girls who were all in the same position as me- trying to fit in with everyone else yet not being able to. we all became really close as a friendship group and I was happy because with them I could just be myself.
School was hard for me- not because I found the work particularly difficult but because my parents constantly expected perfection from me which i couldn't achieve. It wasn't just with school work, my mum would often make comments about how I wasn't as pretty or thin as my cousins and how I should try to be more like them.
At about 14/15 my and my friends started to meet up regularly with a group of boys from a neighbouring school. It was at this point I started going to parties and things at peoples houses. At first I never used to drink (because of my parents and cultural influences) although later I did but it was never very much. I geuss it was my way of getting back at them. Boys brought on a whole new set of problems with lots of bitching, and back stabbing springing up. The boys caused drama- relationships and things got confusing amongst other things.
I think being a teenager is different for everyone and I think that my experience was normal in the sense that it was all about trying to fit in and be accepted. I never liked myself as a person and i'm still struggling with that now. I used to self harm from a young age and throughout being a teenager I think self harm was my method of control.
*hugs* I hope this helped, sorry if its all a bit jumbled up.
Zashi xx
If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me
And just forget the world?
Just because you can't see the stars doesn't mean they aren't there
I cared very much for my school work in year seven. Then, I was sociable, always felt great at school :) I'd go home and cry for hours- no one knew who I really was. Immature and the center of attention suited me fine :) I was ashamed I SH'ed, it ruined my happy-go-lucky image, as I lost interest and care for school work. Then I got moved to the other half of the year in year 10- due to "timetabling problems"
I was absolutely devastated that id lost the security of such a close circle of friends. It felt like being in a new school, but everyone already has misconcieved opinions of you. Who was I supposed to hang out with? So I started smoking - and Ill be the first to admit that it was to fit in- and it worked :) But my old friends lost interest, and inventually so did my new ones. I just wasnt dumb enough :) Frech was a fucking battle each week, but I eventually pulled of a B.
In yr 8 n 9, i ALWAYS felt like I was hiding something, i was never really happy. Now it's just brief moments of happiness, amongst a constant level of insecurity and stressy-stuff. I just want to fit in, i want to be able to say exactly who my good friends really are.
School works getting better though :) I know what I want to do, always have, but now im getting close and i dont want to loose the chance of a good life just cus id rather watch hollyoaks than revise, it seems stupid.
I dont know what to do- im just gunna see what time throws up :)
Im glad u posted this- it gave me a chance to reflect on the last few years, and a lot i didnt write down (:
More about general teenage crap-
My GHD's blew themselves up
I dropped my phone down the loo,
(but choose not to have one, i guess ud say im a hippy at heart:))
I always (comeon) in my new favorite pants
And He's been with her for four months now ;/
xx
"I grew up in Slough in the 1970's. If you want to know what Slough was like back then, go there now." -Jimmy carr
"Swimming is good for you. Speshly if you're drowning" - Jimmy carr
Me: Mum what are you doing for ur 20th anniversary? Mum: BIG party time! .. Dunno what your dads doing.
I think being a teenager started when I started 'big school' in year 9 ('high school'). All the cool kids started smoking and drinking etc, because we all felt pressure to seem more grown up.
I didn't really have many friends because I'm quiet and shy, and I don't smoke. I worked really hard to get good grades etc. People used to call me 'dictionary' and stuff, cos I was quite clever, but I didn't mind. It wasn't like bullying really. It gave me a place in society =S I fell in love with a guy, which didn't go down too well since we were all too young. Started drinking a lot in year nine, and cutting too. I started cutting because I thought everyone else was doing it, and I really wanted to fit in. But looking back on it, I think it was only me. I don't know how I got that so messed up. Anyway, I used to drink in school and by myself. Cut myself some more. Hated myself. Argued with parents a lot, about staying out late and drinking etc. Ended up ODing in school. Got taken out of school for a bit, had to do my GCSEs in a room full of delinquents. Managed to pull off good grades, somehow.
Rejected counselling and psychotherapy, went back to school, pretended I'd been ill all that time. Started again, sort of. Sixth form. Felt weak and like everyone was better than me. Fell out with best friend (still not speaking now). Cheated on a guy who told me he loved me, because I wanted to get back at everyone and show everyone I was in control. Started cutting again. Gave up drinking. Felt left out a lot. Gave up cutting eventually. Started going out with another guy, who used me for sex. Got through my A Levels. Didn't do as well as I should have done. Felt stupid for wasting my time not revising.
Started university but dropped out because I couldn't cope due to low self esteem and illness. Started working.
Here I am.
I am pathetic, God. Well anyway. I guess I am still a teenager, but I feel about 30. =S That was quite theraputic actually. Cool.
Last edited by sweetsunday : 22-10-2008 at 07:45 PM.
Reason: forgot some parts
I don't know what you hope to achieve from this but...here goes...
I am 19, I am still a teenager. I am in university and I haven't slept in 3 days. I feel like I am going insane but I am loving life.
Teenage years were quite good to me I suppose. I am not going to lie, I thought i had it bad at the time...I didn't. I was never an unpopular person at school. I cannot say i was particually popular but i had plenty of friends, people knew who I was and I had fun.
I started smoking and drinking far to early. I started partying far too early. I lost my virginity far too early. I had to grow up far too early. I started getting flashbacks of my mothers ex boyfriend touching me far to early. I moved out of my house far too early. I started work far to early. I done alot of thing far to early.
But I will never regret a thing. I don't believe in regrets. I never will. You are what you make your life. I love my life, I love my friends, I have had a fucking good time so far and I plan on doing so in the future.
I hope I make sense...like I said I am going insane...seriously. No sleep does strange things.
Thanks. As I say, I'll reply properly in the next few days.
What I hope to achieve is a clearer understanding of what constitutes natural and healthy teenage development, something I missed out on. I am asking you folks, because that makes it more human.
And, as I said in my original post, it might also help people replying, as they gather their thoughts.
When I have more time, I'll explain more what my teenage years were like.
i'm 19 now so i barely consider myself a teen, but i do remember very well what it was like. i also had an EXTREMELY sheltered life. even though i was seriously like the best teenager you could be at 12/13 yrs., my parents didn't see that. my mom was so afraid and controlling she pulled me out of school for no reason at 11 yrs and made me homeschool. i was ok with it at first, but i hated it after a few months. me and her never got along, usually over my younger sister (i fought with her alot cause we were close in age). and she decides to homeschool me WITH my sister. and somehow she always takes my sister's side. and i could go nowhere without her. i had one friend i was allowed to spend the night with but we couldn't do anything without her mom...
so part of being a teen is the inability to choose for yourself, even though you are very close to being an adult. adults seem to think teens don't know anything and are only going to get into trouble. but really teens are so close to an adult, adults should listen to them and take their views into consideration. yes, some teens are troublemakers. but that's usually because they haven't been listened to or the other extreme, never been guided.
i know i never would have gotten into trouble had my mom put me back in school at 13/14 yrs. i was a firm christian. i was depressed but didn't know it, but that's all i would've needed to get back on my feet. i never would've tried drugs, alcohol, etc. i doubt i would've even cut. but my mom was so controlling she just wouldn't take the risk. and it backfired. not to mention she made me more angry every single day by screaming at me and isolating me. and i was smart enough to know i wasn't the horrible child she made me out to be.
when i was isolated such, many bad things happened. number 1, i always lived in a fantasy world of "later" of "when i turn 18"... i hated the present cause i had no control over it. which brings number 2... with no control, anyone searches for it. i found it in cutting. i also lived in a fantasy world just to waste my endless amount of time. from the time i was 3 to about 14, i would tell myself elaborate stories whenever i was bored. i ended up in such a fantasy world that i could not relate to peers well, even when i was with them. i learned to be alone so well, that i forgot how to be with someone else... the other bad thing about the homeschooling was that there's more bad influences than you think. other teens are experiencing what i was, and they found ways to do harmful things and introduce me to them. i didn't do drugs/alcohol til i was 18, but they made me more comfortable with the idea and got me into the dark type thinking that encouraged cutting. it wasn't their fault, it was just that in such an environment we were trying to escape. so between all of these things, the want for control, the isolation, the cutting, the depression, i began using sex, drugs, and alcohol after i became of age. my mom's isolating only made me much worse.
another thing was that i never learned how to deal with guys. i always liked guys, but i was never allowed to date, or even be around them by myself. i wasn't even really around guys from the time i was pulled out of the private school until about 14 when i started going to a youth group (and after that was still VERY sheltered)... i was way too shy. and when i finally was let go around 17 or 18, i was either so shy i was always rejected by guys or i ended up not understanding the value of sex. people always told me don't have sex, it's wrong. but that's the problem with telling kids what not to do, and not explaining it. i never understood sex, because i never understood relationships, cause i was so isolated. so i, after having only kissed once or twice, had sex with a guy from work on a first date... that ended up being a year long involvement for only sex... and i had another one night stand. and i was a stripper for a short time... so basically i never understood what sex meant. i never thought any guy would like me for more, because i was so socially awkward... luckily i've overcome that lately and have a good boyfriend.
but yeah i think people don't even try to understand teens when they raise them. they make assumptions and don't ever remember the teens have a mind too. and that sometimes the teens are more right than the parents. (not always, but parents refuse to see that)
of course not all parents are like this. but i think many are. so yeah those are my experiences. hope they help.
For me personaly, my teenage years were by far the best years of my life..easily. back in my teans, being at school it was all just good fun, I was always in trouble, always doing summin stupid...always having a blast with friends, I was a naughty little shit, not a care in the world....
as far as lows go, some of the things i regret are social things, I always had this social problems a lack of self esteem, especialy with girls, never had girlfriends never had the confidence to ask them out or realy talk to them, infact most of them probably thought I was a complete dick (seeing as how i was haha) I was never one of the popular people, and i was never un popular, later I found out the amount fo girls that had crushes on me one time or another at school (straight from the horses mouth!) lol it was my late teens when everything started to go wrong...
you know i don't think anyone has a "typical" experience. some are more healthy than others, but i think we're all different. sadly, verbal/sexual/physical abuse is becoming the norm for many teens. so just cause you had this or other problems, you weren't abnormal. all but the lucky teens usually have self-confidence issues... most have problems with parents. i think you just gotta look at the different experiences and see how it affected your teen years, not whether or not you had a normal childhood. cause what's normal? especially these days...
Home, Is pretty much hell for me. My parents are both clueless as to the wellbeing of there own kid. there much to wrapped up in there own lives to care about me. When there not screaming at each other there screaming at me. Calling me a selfish bitch, Worthless, and a whole bunch of other stuff.
School, Is a little better, besides having to deal with a bunch of loud mouthed boys that act like there still in kindergarden at leasts its better then being at home. I ususally try to stay after school everyday to do homework so i don't have to go home till later.
Friends, I have none...well real life ones anyways. My parents scare them away. Pretty much all my true friends are from here or yahoo.
In a nutshell my life invoves high amounts of stress and me having to test my patiance every day which i'm not a very patiane person in the first place.
~Anarchist Theory is my big brother~
~on the outside i'm smiling but on the inside i'm slowly dying~
- staying at home all the time apart from school
- not knowing any boys
- my mum choosing my clothes, shoes and hairstyle.
- going out food shopping with my parents on a Saturday.
- hiding the fact I was experiementing with make up and putting my hair up - alone.
- never even thinking of stepping outside the prison walls my family placed around me.
- having no emotional support whatsoever, even though I was obviously depressed and anxious.
- being caught between my parents' domestic violence and drink problems. This put me off alcohol completely, and I've never drunk. I get scared around people who're drinking, even now.
- being discouraged from having thoughts and feelings of my own.
- every evening spent in, doing my homework or writing about my fantasy world.
- being treated as abnormal and/or ignored at every turn.
I'm rather lost on words at the moment to try and explain my own situation. Even though I'm only 15, I guess a lot of things have happened to me (many of which are controlling by my mum, similar to you) that I'm still trying to get my head around.
I didn't want to leave the thread without replying, though, because I can imagine how horrible that must have been. I'm so sorry. I wish I could say more to help.
I had to change secondary school due to bullying at aged 13, I had been seeing a CPN / psychiatrist singe I was 12 for clinical depression and started on anti depressents at this age too.
I was what was thought to be rebellious but later turned out to be clinically manic once I had moved school but can vaguely remember enjoying it, I had friends etc.
One day whilst at school and aged 14 I became full-blown psychotic, it was a Friday and I was to be admitted by emergency on the Monday as soon as a psych hospital bed in the area became free. From then on I haven't looked forward, yes I mean forward.
I wasn't discharged until I was 17 years old. Whilst an inpatient, my parents divorced in the first year I spent in hospital so when I came out it was to the previous 'family' home which now only consisted of my dad and brother both of whom had minimal understanding or wish to understand my or any mental health problems.
Life at home was either depressed turmoil or out of control mania, far too much to write about the goings on but I somehow made it to age 20 and further.
The years I spent as an inpatient would perhaps put my developmental stages out of synch a bit too. I wish I could go back and start again.
