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Triggering (SI/Suicide) - Sometimes stuff gets out.
Triggering (SI/Suicide) - In serious, but it's so bad it's a joke. Take care weh reading ++bad language.
I'm such a pointless waste of space. If I concentrate hard enough it's plain to see. It's not a wonder why I don't I-M that much, same reason I don't talk to people outside the house all that much at all either. I'm not doing anything with my life. I've lost count of the amount of times someone anonomos to me like a taxi driver or paramedic, a doctor anybody has asked me if I'm working or studdying or lobbed both into one question.
*I don't work or study at the moment". At the moment has been a helluva long time sunshine might I add if I could be bothered but I can't, they never know the half of it and an evening spent explaining wouldn't cover that half either. Some of them retort that it's a good thing,..I'm lucky?! Aye right,..try it for a week. Try for ONE WEEK having the potential I have and doing **** all with it. Frustrating? Try FIVE YEARS. Christ it's coming 6 years now.
Pure suicidal waste of life.
I'm not irrational in my suicidal thoughts, I'm not irrational in wanting a swift double vodka as soon as I wake up so that I can't find my way into reality by midday. I ****ing hate this. I can be so restrained, such a quiet person, such a violent tornado spiralling inside.
I don't want to turn 23 on the 12th. I so to the point of you don't know HOW much do NOT want to turn 23. Ever since I 17 everytime I turn another year older, basically **** another year away to the kerb for all it's worth,...I've thought oh god another year and I've done nothing. And now all the while maturing as one does I take a back seat to that feeling and just have that gutted suicidal feeling.
I'm sick of the false hopes built on temporary enthusiasm.
How did I end up here. Physically speaking.
I moved out of home when I was 21, I spent a year in Belfast through result of mine and theys relationship, they were married with kids, that did it's fair share of ****ing me up but I did my share too, a year of enjoying the chase, then I took it upon me to fall in love with Mrs I'm so borderline I'll **** your life up too, I was awake for 3 weeks non stop, yes during which I proposed to the sweet destructive darling, signed myself into a contract buying her a ring for £1,440 , moved in with her and her mum, all fine and dandy until her feelings changed, how pathetic, feelings changing. Well hell yeah it meant I had to move to here. I am here. I'm never here goddamnit.
Living now with parents.
No drive, none ****ing whatsover.
I'm so ****ed off. How can someone be ****ed off with their entire life all in one go.
Oh....lol....I didn't mention the three years they banged me up in a psych hospital.
I WANT TO DIE.
no threat involved. I'm doing the lets stay alive for our loved ones thing.
I FEEL LIKE TEARING MY ARM UP THOUGH! TILL I BLEED ALL MY ****ED UP INSIDES OUT.
Last edited by rageagainstthemachine : Today at 08:04 PM. Reason: mistake dammnit
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