Well, i have had an awful past 3-4 weeks.
I have been on the edge of doing bad dangerous things.
I requested a couple of weeks ago one weekend in the hospital just for a couple of nights, but there was nothing. I'm going in for 2 weeks in a couple of weeks from now.
I have spent the past week knocked out on all my meds, asleep, or craving bad things (don't know if i can say what in this forum), there's been a war in my head.
So, today i have a stomach ache, and realised i've probebly been PMSing before girl week.
My pdoc has been away for a week, and my first appointment with her back is Monday. I have my first university exam the following monday.
Anyone volenteering to take over things from here for me? and i'll come back once it's all over, lol.
I haven't opened any uni books till today, and today i'm still sedated from the past few days of drugged-out-ness.
I have had strange superstisions untill a couple of days ago, and it's hard to live because i have trouble doing everything.
I'm usually anxious not depressed, but i've been down this last week.
Needless to say, it's been hard.
Thanks for reading whoever :)
Peace.
Melancholia is my mummy Black Rose is my cupboard hiding in buddie All I'm Living For owns me...i'm her pet frog Aimee in Wonderland is my best-ever-man-girl-lover Lozza is my lovely care bear
***hugs*** Sorry to hear youve been having such a rough time...hope things improve for you soon, pm me if you want to chat more :) look after yourself and keep talking to us if you need
"just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, it turned into a beautiful butterfly..."
Sorry to hear you are having such a difficult time right now. I hope things settle for you soon & when you see your psych that you get the support you need/seek.
Take care lovely,xx
*cuddles* sorry to hear you have been having a hard time. First exams in Uni are always stressfull. Is there a way you could request a delayed taking of the exam? I know someone at my Uni did that once, as they had had an accident and so didn't have the study time, or something.. Maybe worth checking into.
Is it good that you are going to hospital for a couple of weeks? If so, I am glad. It will be somewhere safe where you can rest. Are the supersitions linked to your anxiety?
Sorry I can not say anything to help. Would that I could.
*hugs*
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
Hi sweetheart, I'm really sorry that things have been so rough for you recently. You deserve so much better than that and I know how strong you are, I believe that things can get better for you.
I hope that both your psych appointment and your exams go well for you, I know its hard but try not to stress too much.
Sorry for the pointless reply my heads a bit all over the place.
I'm sorry you've had a rough couple of weeks sweetheart. I hope that things pick up and you get through your exams smoothly. You know where I am if you want to talk.
Hey guys,
Just an update....
i have work tomorrow, for 8 hours :(
I'm EXHAUSTED from having to manage my distress lately, but i figure, if i go to work at least it will distract me hm.....well.... maybe....
I am very stressed about exams and hospital. I just want them to be over! I am fine at the time, it is just before :( I don't know why it scares me! that's the annoying part. And how to manage it. I feel so STUPID that exams stress me....everyone has such big things to worry about, and then there's me, and im stressed about exams, and dont even know why! lol. It's very very confusing!
Anyway, i know one of the reasons is because i am sceared of not being able to do them, like being sick, or late, etc. My 'what if' thoughts you know.... That there is pressure to stay well before then :( so that i can do them, or i feel my time is wasted i dunno....these are just my thoughts of maybe why it stresses me.....
Been picking my skin like CRAZY, and stressed as :(, but not taking my meds, want to be in a good state for work toorrow. Then i thinnk, cancelling might get rid of come stress? hmmm.... but then what to do that day ARGH STUPID SILLY THOUGHTS!!!! :( ConfusinG! what to do! no i must go to work or i'll sit at home worrying....
love you all much.
Melancholia is my mummy Black Rose is my cupboard hiding in buddie All I'm Living For owns me...i'm her pet frog Aimee in Wonderland is my best-ever-man-girl-lover Lozza is my lovely care bear
Melancholia is my mummy Black Rose is my cupboard hiding in buddie All I'm Living For owns me...i'm her pet frog Aimee in Wonderland is my best-ever-man-girl-lover Lozza is my lovely care bear
I feel like a worthless piece of **** right now.
and ugly.
People dont seem to like me, i mean MOST people. Some people do, but generally i don't even get validated as being good at anything. I was always just second best, like one of the looser people lol.
:( hmmm
Melancholia is my mummy Black Rose is my cupboard hiding in buddie All I'm Living For owns me...i'm her pet frog Aimee in Wonderland is my best-ever-man-girl-lover Lozza is my lovely care bear
you are definately not worthless or ugly sweetheart *cuddles* you are a beautiful, caring sweet and genuine person. Don't ever think of yourself as less than that, I care about you a lot sweet, take care of yourself.
love you ally *hugs*
wish i could see it hey :(
i have conflicting thoughts, but i just feel stupid and rediculous because of my ocd and stuff :( i dunno. Feel like im so inflexable and sensitive nobody will ever want to be with me....it's really bugging me *sigh*
*crys*
*hugs*
xoxo
Melancholia is my mummy Black Rose is my cupboard hiding in buddie All I'm Living For owns me...i'm her pet frog Aimee in Wonderland is my best-ever-man-girl-lover Lozza is my lovely care bear
But you aren't stupid and ridiculous sweetheart. You're funny, gorgeous, loved, amazing, smart and you will find that person who loves you for what you are not how you feel.
I have an awsome best friend and we are so close, like a couple but not a couple lol. I can tell her everythinng. However, we can't even live together very well because i get sooooooo frustrated sharinng my space with someone and i'm so annoying to be with for long periods of time :(
I've only just realised, the only reason my OCD doesn't appear very bad is because my parents have adapted so well to how i live, and i dont get asked to do anything they know is hard for me any more :/ Any deviation from the norm and i get all fickety!!!! GRAH!!!!
thanks for your reply
Melancholia is my mummy Black Rose is my cupboard hiding in buddie All I'm Living For owns me...i'm her pet frog Aimee in Wonderland is my best-ever-man-girl-lover Lozza is my lovely care bear
I'm really glad that you have your friend to talk to, friendships like that are very precious, you're lucky. I totally know what you mean about sharing space though, I'm like that too. I get stressed when I break routines as well. But these things can get easier with time and help, I've got a lot of faith in your ability to make things better, you're a very strong and determined person, you actually inspire me, and that's very rare. No matter how hard things are for you you never stop trying, that's an amazing quality to have. Care about you a lot sweet, don't give up just take it one day at a time. *cuddles*
:) awwwwwww ally.... *hugs*
i love you sweety!
I feel so special that i inspire you, makes me feel very worthwhile and powerfull. Thanks so much for telling me ally.
you make me feel really special :)
I do wanna keep trying to change things hey, i just gotta give myself time i suppose, and trust myself that i can do things.
talk more soon,
HUGS
xoxo
Melancholia is my mummy Black Rose is my cupboard hiding in buddie All I'm Living For owns me...i'm her pet frog Aimee in Wonderland is my best-ever-man-girl-lover Lozza is my lovely care bear
