My mum isn't coping very well right now (with me). She's getting depressed (not diagnosed) and it hurts to see it, which makes me think of what she went through with me. I have CPTSD (I'm in recovery) and live at home with my family. Now that I'm in college I'm not with my mum all day like I was before, but my mum is still feeling down. I have ups and downs, and although most of the time I feel fine, I get times when I feel suicidal and want to hurt myself like before I stopped hurting myself. My mood just drops (or as I call it, switches) and I don't want to help myself, I cut myself off from people and I plan killing myself. Although these times are getting a bit better, my mum isn't getting any happier. She's been looking after me full time for two years now, and she is disabled (she has rhumatoid arthritis and had an industrial accident on her back years ago).
I've offered to move out, so that she wouldn't have to look after me all the time, but she said that she'd move in wherever I go (lol) because she can see I'm not ready to leave yet and wants me to wait at least a year (I'm 17 now). I've also asked if she wants a break from me, and she said no. I just want to not be such a burden on my mum anymore. I told her sometimes I think it would be better for everyone if I weren't around anymore, but she said that if I die then she dies. She is really supportive and understanding, but I can't stand seeing her like this. I'm trying to do my best to stop these switches happening, so that she doesn't have to worry about me, but I can't control them and I'm trying really hard in therapy. I don't know what I can do to help her cope.
It's obvioous from this post that your mum is really supportive and loves you very much. Unfortunately it is hard for our relatives to watch us struggle with our illnesses.
I know there is a local support group for families in my area and I am sure there would be in yours. Take a look around and see if you can find one as I know a few families who find it helpful to talk to other people in the same sort of situation. There may even be community forums your mum could try.
It's obvious you also care for her alot. I know you feel like you are burdening her (I feel the same) but my mum would worry to much if she felt she wasn't looking after me. Talk to your mum as well and be open with her as this will help strengthen your relationship even more. She wants to keep you near so she knows you are fine, and this will never go away as she is your mother.
I'm in a similar sort of situation. My illness has put such a strain on my family, to the extent my dad has moved out and my mum is depressed.
My mum has her own support from the CMHT away from mine which she finds really helpful. She also goes to a carer's group and talks to other people in similar situations. She likes having her own space to talk about things.
Maybe your mum could get some support like that?
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
We have family therapy once a month, where we discuss problems in the family. But I don't think thats quite the same. I don't know here I'd go about looking for support for my mum, I'm rather lost.
Oh I forgot to metion, last night I mentioned going into adult services when I'm 18 to my mum. She went mad. She has told me she doesn't want me going into adult services, no matter what. I'm scared that I'm going to go downhill again and if I don't have any support then its going to take me ages to get support again. My camhs psychologist has told me recently that they wont force me to go into adult services, and that I can go into a service with youth workers instead. If I'm still on medication, will I have to go to adult services, since it wasn't my GP who prescribed my meds? I'm just really scared of losing all support because my mum doesn't want me to have the support.
It sounds like your Mum could do with some counselling or perhaps take part in familly therapy with you. It is hard to see someone go through issues, both for her to see you and for you to see her. It is, however, also good that you have each other. Are you honest with her, do you both sit down and talk through your feelings together. It is obvious your Mum still wants you around, but it does sound like you could both do with looking at what help is available, perhaps by asking to local cmht or gp?
Sorry I can't help more.
Roiben
If the Human brain were so simple that we could understand it, we would be so simple that we wouldn't.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but it isn't up to your mum whether you go to adult services or not. If you need the support, then you should have it regardless of what she thinks.
If you didn't see them, then I'm sure your GP could monitor your meds.
Isn’t it funny how day by day nothing changes but when you look back, everything is different…
you once called your brain a hard drive, well say hello to the virus.
