I'm Scared I May Have Severe Depression. [Triggering?]
I'm extremely worried that I may have depression. It's not the first time this thought has crossed my mind but I've been pushing the thoughts away for a while. I don't want depression - I can't be like my mother. I can't.
I was sexually abused from the time I was 3-4 to earlier this year (I'm 15 now) by my step-dad, so I've been abused for over half my life. This last year has been extremely difficult for me in so many aspects. But I have a friend who knows me and my life story, and she firmly believes that I'm nearing my breaking point. She said that since my dad has been out of my life for a while now, the abuse and everything is beginning to sink in. And that all the memories and pain I've been pushing away is beginning to come back. Hence, the depression.
I've taken online tests that help try to tell you if have depression, and they all give me the same response "You may have severe depression, please contact your physician (sp?) immediately." (I know these tests may not be true all the time.) I've also been reading symptoms and causes and they all point to the same thing.
This may seem like a rather pointless post, and I'm sorry. I just need help deciding on what I am or what's wrong with me because I don't know anymore. I just don't know. :|
Depression is a nasty illness, but it is really, really common and the thing I'd urge you to bare in mind right now is that it is both treatable and recoverable from.
It is very understandable with such a traumatic past that you are feeling as you are- what I would say is that the earlier you get some help and support in working through your feelings, and past issues, so that they dont continue to ruin your life.
I take it from your post, your mother had depression or something similar? Just because you may have the same illness does not mean you will be like her. It is the choices we make when we have the illness, and the manner in which we choose to fight it ( or not as the case may be) and accept help that set us out as individuals.
You sound like you have a very supportive friend. perhaps she would be able to come with you to the doctors and see what they have to say? Only they are going to diagnose you- the trouble with internet tests is that not all of them are reliable ( I bet if all online tests for health conditions were accurate, you'd be a walking casualty half the time!) and while they may be able to give you a fairly good indicator, seeing someone and talking it through in your own words is far, far better than typing fixed answers into a machine. And if you see your doctor, they may be able to offer you some treatments that could start you off feeling better, for example medication.
Please think about the doctor sweetie, as it sounds like you're in a fairly dark place right now.
You dont need to tell them about the abuse straight out. Some people take months and years of therapy before they finally reveal the root causes of their problems.
Hmm. Im afraid I dont know the American system so I dont know about finance. But I would assume that if you are able to go without your mother, then they wouldnt tell any one becaue you'd be protected by confidentiality. Another option would be to go see your college counsellor- again you dont need to go into the details of the abuse, but just explain how you are feeling and see what she says.
Im sorry I cant offer much more advice, but I completely unfamilar with the intricacies and legal/ finacial stuff of the American system.
I understand that you're frightened. I do agree with Becky that it really is best to get help now, before things get more deeply embedded and harder to treat.
I agree that you don't have to give full details, rather that you have had a difficult and traumatic past, and that that is one of the things that is affecting you now, as well as a history of depression in your family.
yes, it sucks to have depression. however, if you have it, you have it, whether you ignore it or not. and if you ignore it, it only becomes so much worse. it goes from just feeling down to the point where you might be cutting yourself everyday. and it can happen in a matter of months, before you even know it. also, don't stereotype depression by whatever your mom had. she may have acted/dealt with it a certain way. but that doesn't have to be you, and the sooner you deal with it, the less likely that will be you. depression is an illness, not a personality type. so you may deal with and feel depression in an entirely different matter than she would.
are you hurting yourself at all? if so, you definitely need to go in. the same is true if you're having any serious suicidal thoughts. but even if not, just the fact that you feel depressed too much is reason to go in.
if you're worried about meds, you don't have to take them, even though your psychiatrist will probably push them. realize you always have the right to say no to medical treatment (unless it's court ordered, which sounds unlikely in your case) counseling is often plenty for people who are depressed. figure out what you want and what works for you.
you said you were abused. i have not been abused myself, but i do know from others that it is a horrible and traumatic experience. even if you do not qualify for the mental illness depression (which it sounds like you may), you really need counseling. like your friend said, the abuse will most likely catch up with you. you need to talk to a professional, cause most likely it has skewed some of your thinking. that's not your fault, it's just reality. you need to talk to someone who can help you deal with it when it starts to get bad. however, you can wait to talk about that like others have said if you want.
as for your mother, you are right, you have to have her permission. (i live in the u.s. too, and had that problem at 17) however, what you can do is talk to a school counselor or a crisis line. if they see your mother is not allowing you to seek needed medical help (which mental health issues are needed), they can talk to her, and in the end if she still refuses, they can go above her if they feel you are in danger or you really just need help. it's like if you have a broken foot, your mom just can't refuse to let you go to the doctor. medical treatment is medical treatment, mental or physical. she more than likely doesn't understand this, so if you talk to a professional, she may end up fine with it.
