i don't want there to be something 'wrong' *trig everything*

[nim]

i started college and i basically had a mental breakdown where everything just was too much. i didn't eat for 2 days (which i know doesn't sound like much...but i'd been used to eating quite a lot again) and ended up going to the counsellor who saw my arms and sent me to A&E, where i was stuck in a psych ward and wasn't allowed out or to talk to anyone. i hadn't done anything...i didn't even want to cut, i just wanted someone to understand that i missed my family and was homesick (i'm from london but went to NY for college). what a f****** mistake trusting people was.

they kept threatening me, laughing at me, took blood which they found hard to do so kept taking the needle out partway then back in again and said 'well, you cut anyway so it doesn't matter if it hurts'. then i was stuck in the psych ward hall with another guy who looked after me, who was pretty messed up himself. but he hugged me, and told me to close my eyes when scary things went by, and made them get us food etc. and he taught me how to focus all my energy on a point on the wall so we didn't act crazy (we had to sit on the same chairs in a hall without being told anything for 5 hours).

i couldn't bear to go back to school after i was released, so i went back to my uncle and aunt's in GA. now everyone (and i do too) think i have a personality disorder cos i can never cope with change or stress of any kind. but i don't want something to be wrong. i just want to be normal. what if people don't like me any more because i'm not perfect?

[Stellata]

Everyone has imperfections. Sometimes they effect us more than others, and also at certain times we're more vulnerable.
It's often our imperfections that make people - by this I mean all people - more precious and human.
Everyone has personality disorder traits, if not all the time, then in stressful situations particular to them.
Personality disorder symptoms are basically defence mechanisms that we develop in order to cope with situations that are unbearable.
Often brain chemistry doesn't get the opportunity to develop in a full and healthy way when we're growing up, which can lead us to react in certain ways. For example finding it hard to handle intense emotions, or reacting impulsively, or having a hard time dealing with change.

It sounds like you're very closely attached to your family. That's ok. And it's totally normal to miss your family when you head out to college, at, 18 ish. I know many people who were. It can be all the harder when you're a sensitive person who needs security - as well all do, to some degree.

What was your discharge diagnosis from the psych clinic? Are you having any follow up support?

[nim]

they said the same thing i told them when they forced me into th ambulance...that i was fine, but would benefit from some counselling. which i was gonna do anyways, but i'd only gotten to school 2 days before. i just don't know whether people are gonna think that i'm not as good or normal as them because i'm 'mentaly ill'. and i know it sounds stupid and childish, but like, i don't wanna get treated differently. i feel like i'm really defensive, having to tell people i'm not crazy.