Triggering (SI) - SI Questions/ponderings...Can anyone relate?

Starla · 18-08-2008, 04:54 AM

So yesterday I cut myself for the first time in a long time. I am not that disappointed in myself since it was only once and I think I can go awhile without doing it again. but it has definitely opened up something inside of me that was dormant for awhile. Anyway I have found myself with several questions/ponderings and I am wondering if anyone can relate.
1. I sometimes find myself triggered for no reason. Usually I can pinpoint what triggers me but sometimes I swear I am triggered for no reason at all. Maybe it is just a wave of depression but even if that is it, I can't pinpoint what triggered the depression.
2. Looking at my scars triggers me a lot. In fact if I just trace over them or trace over a spot on my arm with my finger I will be triggered.
3. I find myself looking at my recent cut and feeling satisfied. When no one is around I will just stare, fascinated. I kept pulling off the bandage to look. Just looking at it calms me down even though it is more than a day old.
I realize now that I don't think I actually asked any questions. These are just some thoughts that have been spinning in my head and I was wondering if anyone could relate to any of this? Maybe i'm just an odd bird.

zivalover16 · 18-08-2008, 05:01 AM

I can relate to all of them... when I do cut and no one is around I usually look at the scars... I always thought I was weird but I guess I'm not....You're not an odd ball..

tamobhuuta · 18-08-2008, 02:00 PM

i know the feeling, especially the last one.

wishing_ on_a_star · 18-08-2008, 02:25 PM

i can relate to all of these your not alone with this

The 666th Pope · 18-08-2008, 02:48 PM

yeh me to all of them sound pretty spot on..

Twisted Fate · 18-08-2008, 08:38 PM

I can relate to the second one really well. I love looking at my scars and get triggered when they start to fade. Sometimes looking at them makes me want to see the cuts again. I also look a lot at my cuts. When I’m alone I will randomly look at them several times.

minolta24 · 18-08-2008, 08:52 PM

Yea same as twisted. When the scars start to fade i get upset because i feel like there isn't anything to show what i've been through. I can also relate to the other two as well. Trust me you're no odder than the rest of us.

PrincessVegeta_x · 19-08-2008, 12:38 AM

I can relate to them all!
... I really get triggered for no reason at all, seems to be when I am on my own a lot...
... I love my scars, I get really upset when they fade so I cut over them again.
...I am literally obsessed about looking at my cuts, once I've done it and dressed it properly I will lift the dressing up to see if it's 'healing' and to get a sense of self-satisfaction.

greenspot · 19-08-2008, 03:36 AM

I can relate to all of them, but the mostly to the last two

snowflake · 19-08-2008, 06:01 PM

I can relate to all of them especially the first one. I find myself getting triggered for no reason sometimes so you aren't alone.

Zashi xx

leftbehind · 19-08-2008, 08:47 PM

i can relate to the first and second one. idk y but seeing old scars are really triggering for me. your not an odd bird. we are all triggered in different ways.

raistlin · 20-08-2008, 12:18 AM

I can relate to the first and third one for sure. I always have the psychs telling me to figure out what's triggering me. But I have no idea! I also feel a strange calmness over me when I look at my scars and the damage I have done to myself.
I don't have any solutions to both of them though. :|

Tuesday · 20-08-2008, 12:23 AM

i can definately relate to all of them, and especially the 3rd, which i was always afraid made me weird but i see now that i'm not alone :) and neither are you :) congrats on going a long time without cutting, and i hope that you'll be able to go for a long time SI free after this too :) take care xx

Ingenue · 20-08-2008, 12:26 AM

I relate to all of them.
Especially the first one.
I experienced that tonight.

You're not weird or anything hun.
You're just fighting, and these are some of the things you have to fight.
<3

blissfully_forgotten · 20-08-2008, 01:16 AM

Yes, i can relate to all of them especially numbers 1 and 2.
I hate it that one minute you could be watching something harmless like, i don't know, the Lion King and then all of a sudden your eyes are darting around the room looking for something sharp. It's most disturbing.

All i can say is try desperately to ride it out... singing to myself seems to work for me at the moment... especially 'rise above this' by seether and 'you're not alone' by saosin... they really lift my spirits anyway.

x

Starla · 20-08-2008, 02:25 AM

Thanks for all of the responses. It's nice to be able to relate to people, even when the subject is not so nice. I know these are things that I'll just have to deal with but it's a relief to know that it isn't just my head that does this.
Peace and Love!

torn_into_peices · 21-08-2008, 11:13 PM

hey..

1. ive learnt that the random trigger may not be a real trigger/urge. self harm can become and addiction and the sudden trigger can be like a craving... like for people who smoke and crave ciggarettes... you can crave cutting. i know it sounds stupid but yeah...

2. i went thu a stage where i had to keep my arms covered constantly because as soon as i looked at my arms i would want to cut. if i saw they were fading i would want to make more because the scars showed all the pain i had been thru i didnt want them to go.. it was like i was upset for no reason.. (if that makes any sense at all?? probably not)

3. feeling satisfied with an old cut is actually good. if feeling good about that one for a few days keep you from cutting due to the satisfaction and relief from it,, then i think it's better than doing a lot of cuts..

anyway i hope u can continue to "recover" and not cut =]
x