I'm really struggling to figure out this question right now... when someone hits you or hurts you in some way, how can you tell if it's your fault, or if there's just something wrong with that person?
I'm really debating not going in to work today, although I'm already on campus where I work and already have my machines I'll be using today warming up. But I'm tempted to go shut them down and go hide in bed until I have therapy tonight.
I've got this conflict that has come up with this guy I work with... and it's made work a really scary place to be now. It wasn't too bad at first, like he'd flirt with me and stuff and make some comments but I could deal with those. But it escalated a LOT last night. We went out to get a couple drinks. I had two shots and was drunk off my ass after that (I'm a light weight, plus not eating tends to result in getting drunk sooner). We came back to our lab because he had a gel running he had to stop like an hour later, and we started to fall asleep on the couch together. He almost didn't even stop his gel and was going to waste a whole day's work just to keep laying there with me, he thought I should be flattered, I thought he was an idiot for thinking of doing something like that (not only is it a waste of his time and our bosses time if he had done that, but of equipment and materials as well). Anyway... long story short, we ended up back at his place and started making out which is already way too far since we work together. Things continued to escalate, he eventually hit me because I wouldn't have sex with him.
I'm really confused, and scared, and somehow this seems all my fault. I think maybe I deserve to be hit and treated badly. My last boyfriend was amazing to me, I left him after he got agressive with me and threw a wine glass at me, but maybe I shouldn't have cuz apart from stuff like that he treated me really well, now I miss him and regret leaving him cuz maybe I just deserve it.
If you get rid of the pain before you have answered its questions, you get rid of the self along with it.
--Carl Jung
There is no way in the world you deserve to be hit or hurt in anyway. What this man did to you is disgusting. You haven't done anything wrong at all. He's the one in the wrong. I don't know how you feel about talking to someone but if you can, please do tell someone what this horrible person did to you. If you don't feel up to talking to your employer or the police, please, please find a friend to speak to. This man should not get away with hurting you. Please take care x
Play the game out
Amor Vincit Omnia
Dad 10/11/2008 Always our sunshine, I'm still playing for the town hall clock
Hey,
Firstly, I'm sorry that this happened to you, but please understand that this was not your fault. You haven't done anything wrong at all: remember, that just because you went home with this guy and just because you kissed him, doesn't mean that it was then his right to have sex with you. It is always your right to say no or to stop and him hitting you because you said no is completely unacceptable. As starbright has said, I think it would be useful to talk to your boss about this and report the incident to the police.
I'm sorry that I can't be any more help, but just know that no matter what, you always deserve to be treated with respect and that nobody ever has the right to hurt you.
I hope your therapy session goes well and that you're able to resolve this
Take care
xoxo
This guy has issues. You did a lot of things RIGHT- thinking it would be irresponsible of him to not finish the gel, standing up for yourself when you didn't want sex with him. This man does not love you when he hits you- he's using you. Definitely report it to your employer (especially the part where he considered ditching his work), and if it goes any farther, contact the police. In the meantime, take care of yourself and your needs. This is NOT your fault.
Who can attest that when they're at their best
Oh their worst is still crouching close behind
It's coming to peace with the darkness in me
That allows the true light to shine inside "Ups and Downs" ~ Kendall Payne
I have to agree with the above posters in that it is not your fault, because physical violence is never right unless in self-defense and he wasn't defending himself. It is your choice whether to have sex with him or not, not his.
What reasons do you think it maybe your fault? I don't see anything in your original post which indicates you been to blame for anything. Rather, him having issues with not getting what he wants (which is not your fault).
If you find your place of work scary to be in, then is it possible for you to discuss it with your boss? As this may mean they have a quiet word with your colleague and that could put him off sufficiently for him to leave you alone. Alternatively, arrangements could possibly be made for you two to work separately from each other after discussing the matter with your boss and make the whole incident quite clear.
