Triggering (SI) - Urges to keep going back

I first started self-harming over a year ago and stopped last april. Then over a month back I started to again. What a big mistake that was, once I had started I didnt want to stop. After telling my mum about it and showing her my arms I managed to stop for a couple of weeks, now its like I go a few weeks then self-harm again. I did it again yesterday after feeling very down, it just seemed to lift me. Basically at the moment I have still got the scars from a month ago, but I dont want them to go completely. I want them to go enough so that I can where a t-shirt out. Today I have been getting the urge to really cut like I when I was doing it a number of times a day. I dont know what I am doing because I want to wear t-shirts, but I also want a release and thats what self-harming does for me. Sorry to go on, I just dont want to let my mum and therapists down.

any moisturiser with lots of vitamin E in it i good to help minimise the appearance of scars.

Try reading this and this , they are sound bits of advice.

In the mean time, use the boards and the supporters here at RYL, theyre a lovely bunch of people.

Have you tried any other less harmful ways of dealing with your emotions, such at screaming into or hitting a pillow?
squeezing ice might work for you also.
or drawing where you wish the cut to be in red pen.

My personal favourite is to run a sink or bath of water, stick my head in and scream for all my might.. cos no one else can hear you.

Take care.
and pm me if you ever want to.

Charlie.
xx

[Red Sky]

I can really relate. I never wanted to stop so I get really strong urges to cut. But like you...I really don't wanna' let my mum down and I don't wanna' have to talk it through with other people who care about me if I do. The ice cube thing though I find really helpful. If you just keep a bag of ice in the freezer so it is on hand whenever you feel the need.

[Mandimoo]

Heh Charlie, I do the screaming into a sink of water thing. Ice cold water, helps me to think too. Another way to avoid self hamr is to snap an elsatic band around your wrist. Technically you are still hurting yourself, but it's less damaging than cutting.

Bio Oil can reduce the appearance of cuts too, but it's expensive. All it does it heal the scar (so you're left with a white line rather and a pink/red/purple one) so its still there, part of your history, but not noticeable to the casual eye. hope that helps, mand x

[Buttercup.]

Very good advice given above, just try to find alternatives to cutting. I like that sink idea...and I think I might try it! Just keep distracting yourself and focusing on what is making you want to cut. Take care.

Jess xx