being looked at/stared at

Stellata · 12-08-2008, 06:56 PM

Does anyone else hate this?
Does this make anyone else scared? Dissociate? Cause you to be hostile and defensive?

Because it does me.

pixiedust · 12-08-2008, 07:01 PM

Me too *hugs*

quautia · 12-08-2008, 07:32 PM

I get quite a lot of looks/stares (I'm very overweight) and it does make me feel bad. I think its made worse because I'm hyper-observent - I notice tiny imperfections in me and in other people, and I assume that everyone I walk past can spot all my flaws (large ones and small).

Somedays, my anxiety is so bad, I just cannot force myself outside. I could happily walk around anywhere, if only there were no other people!

*Fading_existence* · 12-08-2008, 08:24 PM

Yeah im the same, i also suffer from paranoia so sometimes i make it worse but not deliberately.

I am very similar to quautia because im also very overweight and sometimes cant leave the house.

Whilst its very hard its important to fight through because if people dont then it can make it worse and harder to get out and feel safe out and about.

Stellata · 12-08-2008, 08:37 PM

They stare because I'm hyper-vigilant and look 'crazy' sometimes. When I step out of the way to let people past if they get too close.

I've had people accuse me of being on drugs before.
Which hurts because I've never touched drugs in my life. Ever.

I am probably one of those few traumatised abuse survivors around here who aren't on heavy psychiatric medication, hospitalised, housebound, or drowning it all in drugs and/or alcohol. That's why I'm such a freakshow.

I wear pretty normal clothes. I .... apart from my face, look pretty average. When I'm 'myself' my face looks pretty normal.
My face is very sensitive. My face looks entirely different when I'm taken over by my alter-ego/shadow/self-protectiveness.

I choose to be with my feelings, I'm not doing anyone any harm. Why can't they just leave me in peace? Why do they have to stare at me? Don't they know that that makes me worse?

Stellata · 12-08-2008, 08:51 PM

Today he actually kept turning around to look back at me.
I ended up running away in the opposite direction.
A woman did it yesterday, too.
I was only standing aside to let them past. And looking wary and watchful.
I was scared they'd send for the police to lock me up.
BUT I WASN'T DOING ANYTHING.

I feel really vulnerable now.

Popple · 12-08-2008, 08:54 PM

*cuddles*

Yeah I hate it
I often shout at people who are looking at me..or who I think are looking at me..
And I have slapped someone before cause they were staring
And having bright red hair it does make it a tad more difficult cause most people look.

Steel Maiden · 12-08-2008, 09:52 PM

I get this. It is one of my paranoias. If I look at the person then I see the Devil in their face and it freaks me out. If someone looks at me, they're staring at me, reading my mind and stealing information from my head.

Stellata · 13-08-2008, 01:05 PM

Hmm.
I don't think so.
This was the park, and there were only a couple of other people around.

I feel so depressed and low and alone.

ThinkingofRecovery · 13-08-2008, 10:58 PM

I know what you mean. I hate it. I am really bad at making eye contact and if people do it makes me feel really uncomfortable, as if they are trying to get information from me not in a severe way but in a way that they don't believe me and will see something in my eyes to validate that. The other thing is that they will see that I am a fraud.

I sometimes go out for walks at night (trying not to at the moment) and the occasional person that I come across seems to freak out or think me odd.