I've not met many other people who suffer from OCD, but so many people use the phrase in passing. I'm sure everyone has said/heard "Oh, that's a bit OCD" before, but OCD is SO much more than just washing your hands a lot.
I'm not someone who washed their hands a lot, or someone who always has everything tidy and neat. I'm not someone who's a bit meticulous or absorbed.
I don't have a little tic in my mind that bugs me if it isn't "just so". OCD is an psychiatric anxiety disorder and limits so much of my life. It's sometimes dangerous, and always uncomfortable.
Personally I suffer from Obsessive Compulsive Dissociative Disorder. This means that along with certain physical and mental processes I HAVE to go through, I often zone out if there is no way to "fix" the problem. It's a way to cope with something my mind can't handle, but gets embarrassing in a social situation!
I really want to use this thread to talk to others who suffer from OCD or other obsessive or compulsive problems. For a disease that's so commonly used in the english language, I've never talked to others who suffer from it!
xxfreddiexx
Last edited by small light : 21-05-2008 at 12:05 AM.
Reason: Spelling
F r e d d i e
I am raw meat in a slaughter house, packaged according to what you are hungry for . . .
I think OCD can mean many things, atleast in my opinion anyway.
I don't suffer from OCD, but i believe (and more recently been told by my long term partner) that i'm showing small symptoms of OCD.
I'm very..picky in regards to germs. I wash my hands 30-40 times a day. Even if i get a drink/wash the glass thoroughly, i will wash my hands afterwards. If i cut a slice of bread, i will boil the knife with fairy liquid until it's clean, then i may wash it again just to "make sure". It's not even like i've used the knife on raw meat, it was to cut a slice of bread!
I just..always feel dirty on my hands. Mentally i feel they're riddled with Germs, and i'm really picky about what i touch.
I wouldn't say i "suffer" from OCD, but i believe i have tendancies of OCD. I think it's a control mechanism. Makes me feel in control. If .. er.. that makes sense, heh.
I hope this thread brings some awareness to others, and i hope you can find some others who go through similar situations as yourself.
Take care of yourself
xx
Hi Freddie,
my OCD is a part of my mixed personality disorders.
I always check my flat door (closed?), technical stuff (off?) and other doors ("correct" angles?) again and again and again and again... .
Oh, another thing is that I am checking my bag again and again and again before and after I left my flat because I am afraid that I have forgotten something (my keys, my purse, my cell phone,...).
There were times, I felt sooo bad after I left my flat that I wanted to go back at once because I was afraid that something bad will happen (my flat could burn down, thieves could come into my flat,...).
Perhaps it is a helpful information for some of you that my OCD correlates with my mood and stress. Whenever I am stressed and feeling bad (anxious and/ or depressed) it is worse (like checking ten to 20 times each thing) but when I am feeling quite good two times checking is enough.
A friend of mine has very, very bad OCD (mainly thoughts) and sometimes she is really insane because of that, so I know that it can even be much worse than my OCD.
I know that others often think you are really insane now because they don't understand how bad and unsure you feel when you don't check/ do something again and again but please don't let it make you feel bad!
Hugs,
Judith
I can't control my destiny.
I trust my soul. My only goal is just to be. (Rent)
I'm selfish, inpatient and a little insecure.
I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best. (Marilyn Monroe)
I have a an OCD. Erm, I wash alot! and i mean alot! 6-7 showers a day, Wash my hands 30-40 times a day. I use that Germ Killer hand spray (which i love, doesnt make me sore). I put roll-on (deodrant) on all the time. I never wear pj's or tops more then a day (my poor mum). I cut myself to get dirt out of me, that isnt even there.
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
It sounds like a lot of the cleanliness routines are a pain for you all. Not everyone has extreme OCD, but it's classed in 5 different ways:
Subclinical
Mild
Moderate
Severe
Extreme
Although I don't think self-diagnosis is a good idea (a mental health professional must come into the equation) the standard testing for OCD is known as the Yale-Brown Obsessive Compulsive Scale. It tests for how many hours spent thinking on your obsessions and how distressing it is for you, and also how many hours spent carrying out your compulsions and how distressing it is if they are not done. It might help if you want to pin-point where you are on the scale, but it's ALWAYS best to talk to a doctor. http://www.brainphysics.com/ybocs.php
One of the most dangerous problems is that I count mouthfuls and have a very tight system in order to function. My allowances for the day must be kept, or I panic and need to counter the balance - by subtracting the next day's and self harming. This makes recovery from eating problems very difficult, for although I can manage for a while, if I have a few days out of sync then everything gets turned upside down!! I'm terrified of contamination in food and make my mum check most of my things. Recently I've been able to eat out of my house more which is a plus.
I've been trying to get on the NHS psychology list for a long time, but the last time I say my Psychiatrist he said I had a "few obsessive ruminations". This is after knowing me for 20 minutes!!! I'm demanding a time to talk with another doctor (at LEAST an hour) to fully get them to understand the length and breadth of what goes on inside. My eating and food problems is the most damaging, but my thought patterns are very controlling and distressing. I miss my old psychiatrist from the Youth mental health - I find that there is no time for me in adult mental health :(
F r e d d i e
I am raw meat in a slaughter house, packaged according to what you are hungry for . . .
* hugs small light *
I'm actually thinking of making a post in regards to the NHS system when it comes to mental health. I have been let down ever since i've been diagnosed with depression - by the CT - by psychiatrists - by nurses and doctors.
I understand some people may have good experiences with the NHS, but i know the majority have had nothing but problems.
So if you feel very passionate about getting a second opinion and being heard - i suggest you go for it, and put your foot down.
I hope - soon - you get the answers/help you deserve.
xx
Thankyou Neverbethesame :) I'm very grateful for the encouragement!
Have you ever talked to a psychiatrist about your cleanliness routines? It may seem small, but I'm sure you don't want to be ruled by it each day forever. As for the NHS, perhaps we should start a petition and send it to the government! Really let them know how important mental-health is and that there aren't enough doctors available! It may be a pipe dream, but I'm so fed up with the system. Many of my doctors and therapists have been wonderful, but mostly the system sucks.
F r e d d i e
I am raw meat in a slaughter house, packaged according to what you are hungry for . . .
No, i've never really thought about how much i "wash my hands" until my boyfriend pointed it out last week. I'll even wash them after not even touching anything.
But to be honest with you - i've seen a few psychiatrists since being diagnosed with depression, and none of them have been helpful.
I actually saw one a few weeks ago, who had the audacity to laugh/giggle at everything i said (when i was in tears) and his reply to everything was "Oh well, atleast your not hearing voices!"
And that's meant to help how exactly?!
I've been in hospital twice after attempted OD's. I sat on the bed crying, like..sobbing, and 5 nurses, yes i counted, walked by, stood, stared at me, and walked away.
It's like i said to my GP - i have given up with the NHS in regards to getting help. They never referred me to counselling - i had to do that myself, and that was after quite severe OD's (one of which could have been fatal).
I completely agree some sort of petition should be set up. I thought it was just me who has had bad luck with the mental health profession, but since coming on this website it's opened my eyes to how unhelpful/unaware alot of people are in the mental health team. I believe that's why they're so many fatalitys/suicides by young people, because the help out there is insufficient and not at all helpful.
Maybe it's just me who's had a run of constant bad luck. My GP and i agreed that we're pretty much alone in my "recovery" because he has done everything in his power - pyschiatrists/psychologists, and everyone has simply washed there hands of me. He's also disgusted in the way i've been treated, which makes me feel slightly better knowing it's not me overreacting!
Like i said before, if you have the strength to find the help that you need, good on you, and i wish you all the luck in the world! And i sincerely mean that. But i've given up all hope of ever getting the help i need.
You are certainly not overreacting in being upset and hurt by all the stupid ways professionals have treated you! But please believe me that there are good ones who really want to help, many who have been in the same place you are going through now. I hope so much that your GP keeps helping you :) you really deserve it, and whether it's through NHS or Private care you can push forward.
Take care huns, feel free to PM me any time
F r e d d i e
I am raw meat in a slaughter house, packaged according to what you are hungry for . . .
Yea i have gone to the doctors, they have gave me Fluexotine, And sleeping tablets. They help a little, but the urges to wash are SO intense sometimes, they are hard to fight.
thank you, Lily, for saving mummy's life*.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers round my thumb and hold me tight, and you'll be alright.
#It takes over a lot of areas of my life. Washing is one of them. I wash my hands ATLEAST 70 times a day sometimes 100 or more. I use to anti bacterial spray aswell. Life saver!
The washing stems from a fesr that i'm contaminated ]and i basically cant even touch people, door handels, anything i myself havnt washed etc without cleaning.
I also have an obsession with things matching. This includes things being even and things being co-ordinated. I need things to be 'just right'.
I also have a mental ritual when i see or here the number t h r e e - thats related to the even-ness thing.
Ontop of this i also check things. I check some appliances such as the cooker and my hair straighters but mostly i check doors and windows. I need things locked or i fear for my safety but that end up in me going back an back an back an back to keep checking...just incase.
i also do things mostly in specific orders. my life is very much structured by my O/C thoughts because i fear doing things out of their usual order. To me this isnt safe and if i dont do things the safe way then i fear il be SA. how odds that?
this mean i shower, dress, make things, do things EVERYTHING pretty much in a certain order.
Last edited by -Tough-Cookie- : 09-02-2010 at 08:28 PM.
“Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.”
----
Kel, it really sounds like your life is ruled by it *hugs* Have you ever had therapy for it? I don't mean counseling, but specific treatment for OCD to help lessen the severity of the symptoms?
Quick question to everyone: Have you ever had specific treatment for OCD? I'd love to hear if anyone's had therapy for it and what it was like. I'm still on a waiting list (for OCD and other thingies) and aren't really sure what to expect!
F r e d d i e
I am raw meat in a slaughter house, packaged according to what you are hungry for . . .
I have OCD, diagnosed about a year ago but had it forever. I have phases of different things I have to do. At the moment it is counting, and it has to be 8. Hate certain letters and numbers because of the way they look. I have to do things in a certain order, otherwise OCD tells me something bad will happen. It sucks. It is worse when I am not doing so well mentally - at the moment I am having a real bad time, so it is awful. When I feel better I can talk myself out of some of it, but not the counting and the magical phrases to make it all ok.
I sometimes have the washing thing, but not often. I do have to have everything symmetrical though, and if something is not fully on the table I have to move it. I also tidy up in shops - the labels ahve to face the same way and be the right way up. My family laugh at me, and sometimes I laugh at myself, but it is hard to be controlled by a little demon telling you that if it isn't done this way then someone will die. I HATE IT!
My horse, my life.... no truer friend in the world do I have than him, my confidante, my joy, my world.
I think i probably have it, i've never been diagnosed or anything. I spoke to a counsellor once about it but she wasnt very helpful really.
It doesn't totally rule my life. During the day i get instrusive thoughts which are quite distressing, stuff like people getting hurt, dying ect... I call them 'bad thoughts' and i have to touch wood a few times so show i didnt mean them, so nothing bad will happen. I like the number 8 too mellymoo and tend to do things 8 times, like touch wood ect.
I check plugs, smell for gas, doors are locked, at night or before im going to have a nap. I don't feel safe unless i have, i wouldnt beable to sleep if i didn't. I do it over again sometimes, espeshelly smelling the gas fire and making sure the switch is definitly turned off. Sometimes its like, i can't feel safe unless i see its off right before i go to bed. I always check all my pets are ok, before i go to bed too and my mum.
I believe in god and i pray everynight, asking for 'everythign to be ok, and no bad things happen, and for him to watch over everyone' I don't feel safe if i don't.
Noone really knows the extent of it, i can say, to people, 'i'm a bit oc sometimes' but i wouldn't tell people anything like that. My mum knows about the plug checking and tries to get me to stop, but i go to bed really late after everyone.
Last edited by KeepLosingMyWay* : 24-05-2008 at 12:16 AM.
Reason: typo!
I have OCD - cleanliness - washing hands over and over (the amount of soap we go through), when I have been out, I change my clothes when I come in, shoes right through to tops etc.
Checking - electrics are off, doors are locked, etc, etc, over and over again.
Numbers and patterns, ie - doing, or not doing things a certain amount of times.
There are so many things......
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
Kel, it really sounds like your life is ruled by it *hugs* Have you ever had therapy for it? I don't mean counseling, but specific treatment for OCD to help lessen the severity of the symptoms?
Quick question to everyone: Have you ever had specific treatment for OCD? I'd love to hear if anyone's had therapy for it and what it was like. I'm still on a waiting list (for OCD and other thingies) and aren't really sure what to expect!
Well my Ed psych wont take my OCD syptoms seriously....if it isnt weight she doesnt care TBH. She said i have 'OCD tendancies'.
Then in November i started seeing a private therapist who is a trained psycholgoist an she said i without a doubt did have OCD not just 'tendancies'.
I have done a little bit of CBT work with her for it but at present am focusing on abuse specific stuff which is much of the underlying issues so hopefully in dealing abit i can lessen the behaviours...an then, then i can try an tackle them when other stuff isnt so raw.
I'm OK with coping with the OCD if it helps me stay alive....its bad fuctioning but its better than no functioning.
Check out the OCD workbook (amazon)
“Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles.”
----
That just seems to sum it up. So many things. It's like my head is so crowded and worried and paranoid. Things to do, things to fulfill, things to cancel out, things to say, things to touch, things to tap, things to count.. even things to think that wont go away!
F r e d d i e
I am raw meat in a slaughter house, packaged according to what you are hungry for . . .
hey guys. i was diagnosed with OCD at the hospital i was. my doctor asked me if i have some thoughts that can't go away and i said yes. i don't wash hands and have everything clean and tidy. some of the things i do is put my shoes at a specific place when i come home from school only, when i go to the toilet i close the window and put the toilet paper at a specific place. if i do these things, the thoughts go away. actually, remember one of my thread that i was talking about my problem with going to the toilet, that if i don't go one day i can't do anything that day??this is my obsession, the thought that can't go away and thats why i do all these things, to be sure that everything will be ok.
but i have other obsessions too, like stepping on specific side of the pavement, or count little squares or other things i see.
sorry for the rant, i just wanted to tell you that i do have OCD, but i don't wash hands and body like crazy, you know, many times the day and things like that.
My RYL family:
I-used-to-be-positive is my big sister razorxkissedxwrists is my mommy alyssa.star is my sister phoenixflames_forever is my cousin concreteangel, helpmydeath, xxbeckyxx and queer fringe are my little sisters bob--says--hi is my twin
That just seems to sum it up. So many things. It's like my head is so crowded and worried and paranoid. Things to do, things to fulfill, things to cancel out, things to say, things to touch, things to tap, things to count.. even things to think that wont go away!
Yeap! Some days I find I can handle it, but others, I just don't want too. I just want to switch my mind off, if that makes sense?
Does anyone else, feel they have become quite good at hiding it from other people? xxxxx
-“And the day came when the risk it took to remain tight inside the bud was more painful than the risk it took to bloom.” Anais Nin-
Allie, Mutt, Great Grandma, Hope and Humbug. I love you and miss you all. xx
.
