Kay, so last night, I came across this little book that I haven’t thought about for a while. Private Eye’s ‘Dumb Britain’. Genuine answers to questions from a variety of different TV and radio shows, like Weakest Link, Family Fortunes and so forth. Just thought I’d share some of em with you all xD.
ANNE ROBINSON: Which part of the human body consists of 33 vertebrae?
CONTESTANT: The heart.
The Weakest Link
LESS DENNIS: Name a part of the body everyone has only one of.
CONTESTANT: Big toe.
SECOND CONTESTANT: Combine harvester.
THIRD CONTESTANT: Wedding tackle.
Family Fortunes, Challenge
PRESENTER: Who said ‘Kiss me Hardy’?
CONTESTANT: Was it his girlfriend?
PRESENTER: No, it was a man who said it.
CONTESTANT: Was it Stan Laurel?
Magic 1152, Manchester
ANNE ROBINSON: Which Ossie played for Tottingham FA Cup Final?
CONTESTANT: Ozzy Osbourne
The Weakest Link
GREG SCOTT: We’re looking for an occupation beginning with ‘T’.
CONTESTANT: Doctor.
SCOTT: No, it’s ‘T’. ‘T’ for Tommy. ‘T’ for Tango. ‘T’ for Tintinnabulation.
CONTESTANT: Oh right… (pause) …Doctor.
Quizmania, ITV1
CHRIS MOYLES: Which ‘S’ is a kind of whale that can grow up to 80 tonnes?
CONTESTANT: Um…
MOYLES: It begins with ‘S’ and rhymes with ‘perm’.
CONTESTANT: Shark.
Radio 1
HOST: We’re looking for ‘Films with an Animal in the Title’ – like Spiderman or Catwoman.
CALLER: Lassie.
HOST: Sorry, no, that was the animal’s name, it’s not actually a title that includes the name of an animal, is it? Next caller.
2ND CALLER: Free Willy
HOST: No, sorry, you’ve done the same thing. We want a film with the name of an animal in it, not a film that’s an animal’s name. Next caller…
3RD CALLER: Bambi.
HOST: No, that’s not the name of the animal, it’s the animal’s name. Do you see? Because in that film, Bambi was the name of the dog.
Big Game Quiz, ftn
CONTESTANT: You step in it and it takes you up and down to different floors.
RICHARD MADELEY: Dog poo?
‘You Say We Pay’, Richard and Judy, Channel 4
LES DENNIS: Name a game you can play in the bath.
CONTESTANT: Scuba diving.
Family Fortunes, Challenge
And my personal favourite…
STEVE WRIGHT: What is a female sheep called?
CONTESTANT: Er… er…a goat.
Radio 2
Last edited by Damnation. : 15-07-2008 at 07:30 PM.
Reason: I type like a chimpanzee on crack =D
Very Funny.
you trying to take my gig?
:)
very funny.
Don't be fooled by my smooth skin. The deepest scars are the ones unseen.
Remember compliments you received, forget the insults. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how..~ Baz Lurhman.
Letting it get to you - You know what that's called? Being alive. Best thing there is. Being alive right now that's all that counts. ~ Doctor Who "The Doctors Wife" 06.November.2011
Rofl yeah. Never come across anyone else thinking that elephants are larger than the moon, but then again, I've also never heard of anyone thinking that a female sheep is a goat XD
...It might be a PICTURE of the moon. Then the elephant would be bigger?
Or like...not.
That book looks hilarious. I might have a look for it also.
It kind of reminds me of "The World Of Karl Pilkington" by Ricky Gervais, I definatly suggest reading that one.
Fel: LOL, I know! Anyways. Someone asked me to add more, so...I has a few more xD
GRAHAM LIVER: Which piece of essential household equipment was invented by Thomas Crapper?
CONTESTANT: Er…
LIVER: The clue’s in the question. Thomas Crapper.
CONTESTANT: The tin opener?
BBC Radio Leeds
EAMONN HOLMES: What travels at 300 million metres a second?
CONTESTANT: A cheetah.
Sudo-Q
WILLIAM G STEWART: Above the entrance to which place do the words ‘Abandon all hope, ye who enter here’ appear?
CONTESTANT: A church?
STEWART: Er sorry, no, hell.
Fifteen-to-One, C4
ANNE ROBINSON: In the traditional version of the Lord’s Prayer, what ‘H’, meaning sanctified, goes before ‘be thy name’?
CONTESTANT (quietly): Howard.
ROBINSON (incredulously): Pardon?
CONTESTANT (louder): Howard.
The Weakest Link
ANNE ROBINSON: In politics, what is the current occupation of David Blunkett?
CONTESTANT: Blind.
The Weakest Link
CARLOS: What former premier makes over £4 million a year as an after dinner speaker?
CONTESTANT: David Beckham.
CARLOS: No, I’m looking for a former premier. Prime Minister or President…
CONTESTANT: Oh, Tony Blair.
CARLOS: No, think of someone smooth…
CONTESTANT: John Major?
CARLOS: No…
CONTESTANT: John Prescott.
CARLOS: No, I don’t think he’s ever been Prime Minister or President
CONTESTANT: Oh, give us a clue, Carlos!
CARLOS: I’m trying, I’m trying. (pause) Look, just say ‘Bill Clinton’.
CONTESTANT: Who?
Wave 105
ANNE ROBINSON: In UK politics, which party leader’s surname is an anagram of ‘romance’?
CHANTELLE from Big Brother: Love.
ROBINSON: No, it was David Cameron.
CHANTELLE from Big Brother: Who?
The Weakest Link
ANNE ROBINSON: MPs wanting to clear the House of Commons public gallery used to shout ‘I spy…’ what?
CONTESTANT: With my little eye.
The Weakest Link
GARY KING: Which singing diva had a UK number one hit in the 1960s called ‘Respect’?
CONTESTANT: George Galloway?
LBC 97.3
PRESENTER: Which ‘pie’ did both Don McLean and Madonna sing about?
STROPPY SOUTH AFRICAN CONTESTANT: Don’t know.
PRESENTER: Take a guess.
CONTESTANT: Chicken pie.
PRESENTER: No. Come on, you know this. What type of ‘pie’ did both Don McLean and Madonna sing about?
CONTESTANT: Cottage pie.
PRESENTER: No, it’s a country. Last go. What type of ‘pie’ did both Don McLean and Madonna sing about? Famous song.
CONTESTANT: (long pause) UK pie.
Radio 2, Dubai
UNITED ARAB EMIRATES
Last edited by Damnation. : 17-07-2008 at 10:37 PM.
Reason: Once again, I type like a retarded ferret
