Triggering (SI) - why is it so hard?!

[hated*]

please explain to me why it's so hard to tell people you care about that you need help! i've been trying to tell my best friend that i've relapsed (she only found out the first time because she saw the scars on holiday) and that i need her right now. but i can't. i honestly don't know how to do it. she keeps asking me whether i'm okay and telling me she's worried but i am physically lost for words whenever she asks how i am.
i don't understand why it's this hard i can't do this anymore. i left it for a day, the cuts, but they haven't heeled over (i haven't exactly been helping, i keep scratching to feel the pain but i don't seem to be able to stop). i really need her right now and all i can do is cry.
does everyone else find it this hard?
i can't understand why i physically cannot bring myself to tell her or let her know

lora x

[Lost-Odd-Sock]

sometimws the worst of thingds are tje hardest to vsay
i ntime you'll bne able to let her knoei hope.

pleas try nad tak e care

allie

[snowflake]

I found that before I told my best friends I was really worried they would react badly and never talk to me again. I kept thinking that they would start treating me differently and I started to picture all these worst case scenarios in my head. When I finally did tell them they I was surprised because they took it a lot better than i had imagined and they were really surportive. When I told my best friend I told her over msn because I found it a lot easier to type out my feelings than to say it face to face so you could try doing that. I hope you do manage to tell her and get the help you need *hugs*

Zashi xxx

[Behind the Smile]

I find this hard too.
I think a lot of people do.
Maybe writing things down would be a good idea, it's easier to explain things that way.
take care x

[Stellata]

How would it be just to say "I'm not ok" and reach to hold onto her hand?

[hated*]

it's great to know you all kind of understand (although not, given the reason why, but you know..)
and thankyou :) everyone's so lovely here.
i still haven't told her, but i think over a little time I'll gain the courage.
i know she's there fore me whatever happens, she said so last time. it's just hard knowing i'll be putting her through all the worry and hurt again.
i wish there was just some miracle way in which she could know without her having to find out by seeing or me telling her *sigh*

thanks you lot.
lora
x