I just told a friend about a lot of things really...about the 3 people in my head (Fred, Alex and John) and the Woman who is my permanent companion... and she said "you're mad, you had better take your meds or else I'll tell your doctor". I don't think I am mad.
Fred, Alex, John and the Woman are very nasty to me when I try to suppress them with the olanzapine. I've stopped taking my meds (but only my friend knows in real life) and now Fre, Alex, John and the Woman have become very helpful and kind. They help me solve maths problems. When I am on the meds, I can't do the maths, the numbers don't come to my head as easily. Maths is a huge part of my life. I nearly got into the UK Maths Team and I want to get to that level one day.
Do you think I am mad? Do you think I should tell my friend to leave me alone? Do you think my doctor could actually do anything if she told him I'm not taking my meds? I don't need those meds; they suppress the numbers.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I just told a friend about a lot of things really...about the 3 people in my head (Fred, Alex and John) and the Woman who is my permanent companion... and she said "you're mad, you had better take your meds or else I'll tell your doctor". I don't think I am mad.
Fred, Alex, John and the Woman are very nasty to me when I try to suppress them with the olanzapine. I've stopped taking my meds (but only my friend knows in real life) and now Fre, Alex, John and the Woman have become very helpful and kind. They help me solve maths problems. When I am on the meds, I can't do the maths, the numbers don't come to my head as easily. Maths is a huge part of my life. I nearly got into the UK Maths Team and I want to get to that level one day.
Do you think I am mad? Do you think I should tell my friend to leave me alone? Do you think my doctor could actually do anything if she told him I'm not taking my meds? I don't need those meds; they suppress the numbers.
It is not they who are solving the math problems, they're a manifestation of your subconscious; it is in fact you who is solving the problems, and I guess your medication intereres with that as a side effect.
I don't think your mad, and your friend is just looking out for you! I don't know what could happen if they found out you are not taking medication, but I honestly thing you should take it Steel Maiden. Sorry I don't know your name.
I'm just gonna answer the questions you asked at the end of your post.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Steel Maiden
Do you think I am mad? Do you think I should tell my friend to leave me alone? Do you think my doctor could actually do anything if she told him I'm not taking my meds? I don't need those meds; they suppress the numbers.
No I don't think you're mad, you are mentally ill tho, schizophrenia is a horrible illness. Yes, being so closed minded she doesn't deserve someone like you as her friend. That depends how much your dr believes of her story, I guess. And yes you do need those meds, I know the side effects are horrible and they make you feel like a special needs kiddie but that's sometimes much better than full blown psychosis. Why don't you tell your dr about all this?
Marte
Last edited by The Midnight Crazies : 30-06-2008 at 04:34 PM.
To Asystole:
Steel Maiden = Olympia.
Thank you for replying and saying that I am not mad. It helps.
I do not want to take my medication on the basis that the 3 people and the Woman get extremely angry if I try to suppress them. The numbers have come back and I am able to see everything in numbers. Numbers mean more to me than words.
I asked the people why they are there and they said that I am one of the 'chosen'.
They have given me instructions that I have to follow.
Now that I am off the medication I can spend up to six hours producing proofs and formulas for everything and anything and I can stay into the early hours of the morning doing this.
I have also lost my appetite which means less inconvenience of having to eat.
The medication hinders me as a person.
We all work as a team of close friends, analysing the world around us together.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I'm just gonna answer the questions you asked at the end of your post.
No I don't think you're mad, you are mentally ill tho, schizophrenia is a horrible illness. Yes, being so closed minded she doesn't deserve someone like you as her friend. That depends how much your dr believes of her story, I guess. And yes you do need those meds, I know the side effects are horrible and they make you feel like a special needs kiddie but that's sometimes much better than full blown psychosis. Why don't you tell your dr about all this?
Marte
Schizophrenia is just a label. An excuse for doctors who cannot see beyond their own nose.
My doctor never believes me when I tell him anything. He just tells me I'm being silly. Besides the people and the Woman have unanimously agreed on a list of people whom I am not allowed to tell the Truth to, my parents, my social worker and my doctor being on that list.
The numbers have come back and you probably don't understand, but that is so important to me.
Fred is getting really mad at me for saying all of this, I think I should stop now because Fred is the physicist of the three and I need him because I'll be doing physics in university. John is the mathematician and Alex is the general all-round scientist. I don't want to upset them because they hold the key to my future.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Schizophrenia is just a label. An excuse for doctors who cannot see beyond their own nose.
My doctor never believes me when I tell him anything. He just tells me I'm being silly. Besides the people and the Woman have unanimously agreed on a list of people whom I am not allowed to tell the Truth to, my parents, my social worker and my doctor being on that list.
The numbers have come back and you probably don't understand, but that is so important to me.
Fred is getting really mad at me for saying all of this, I think I should stop now because Fred is the physicist of the three and I need him because I'll be doing physics in university. John is the mathematician and Alex is the general all-round scientist. I don't want to upset them because they hold the key to my future.
Well yes every diagnosis is just a label. But labels aren't always bad things. You want to know whether you're grabbing a bottle of hydrochloridic acid from the shelf or a bottle of diet coke. They give an indication how to treat something that's 'in your hands'. So a good dr just uses it as a guideline to treat some of the problems you might face. Telling The Truth is most important, it always pays off, eventually.
Why are the numbers important to you, tho? Try to explain it to me, if you want.
Well yes every diagnosis is just a label. But labels aren't always bad things. You want to know whether you're grabbing a bottle of hydrochloridic acid from the shelf or a bottle of diet coke. They give an indication how to treat something that's 'in your hands'. So a good dr just uses it as a guideline to treat some of the problems you might face. Telling The Truth is most important, it always pays off, eventually.
Why are the numbers important to you, tho? Try to explain it to me, if you want.
Marte
I can't tell the Truth to certain people because of the list that I have been given. Its a piece of paper they gave me and I have it hidden in my study room.
The numbers are important to me because they are a language to me. Numbers mean more to me than words. I think in numbers. I dress according to numbers. Numbers rule my life. Numbers define things around me. It is hard to explain. When I see purple, its 166. That's 83 x 2, only two prime factors. Today I wore clothes that said 1753 and that's good because 1753 is prime. When I see a pattern, I find the mathematical formula for it. Sometimes it appears in my head even before I start to properly think about it. John is most helpful in this matter, but Fred and Alex do help. The Woman told me to prove that Pascal's triangle has an area that tends towards zero but a perimeter that tends towards infinity. I didn't even know that for a starter, she told me before I knew and then asked me to work it out. I did and I have the proof. Numbers are the language of my brain, although algebra and trigonometry often comes into it.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
the spirit i hear is called Alex too!
anyway olympia i dont think that you are at allmad if you are then so am i and i know we are definately not mad. i know how yuou feel abotu them helping you if it werent for alex i would have failed my GCSE's. Tryh not to let them rule you , you are your own person. xx
That is amazing, we both have an Alex!
John's the mathematician - him and I solve problems and create formulae together.
Fred's the physicist - he guides me in my interest in physics and he inspired me to read about quantum mechanics and special relativity. String theory is next.
Alex is the all-round scientist - he helps John and Fred.
The Woman is my closest friend now. She walks along with me and she suggests things that I can find proofs for and helps me ignore my annoying Mother.
The Woman told me that I shouldn't bother sleeping unless I am tired, which rarely happens, and that I shouldn't bother eating unless I am hungry, which also rarely happens. This is so I can have more time to work.
You see, I have been chosen.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
Hm that thinking in numbers kind of reminds me of 'the golden ratio' I believe it's called. Apparently if you follow that ratio in art and everything else in life you will lead a most pleasing life, very interesting.
Yes, the golden ratio does that.
The Woman told me that tonight I am not to sleep.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I can understand what you're saying completely, me and my Others are very close, when I do what I'm told and follow their plans. I don't believe anyone can be "mad" we all work in different ways. Numbers are the way you work, it's what makes sense to you because there are formulas and equations, things can be worked out easily because 1 is always 1 whereas with words 1 can be one whole, one person, one nation. Numbers are easier than words.
Anyway, your friend was very insensitive to say that to you, but in a way she is right hun. Your medication is important to take and I know thay it is a pain in the ass, but I think deep down you know it's important to take too. YOU are the one working out the numbers hun, whatever help they give you it's YOU working it out and coming to the conclusion. Isn't it better to be able to work out those problems yourself rather then have them lead you or tell you the answer? Them leading you to the answer is like working out a maths problem when you've already been given the answer, isn't it more satisfying and better for your all round growth in learning to lean less on their knowledge and lean more on your own? I'm sure, given the chance, you could be much smarter then them all, but if you always lean on their help to get there, are you really working out the problem yourself?
Also lack of sleep and food will wear you down, it'll make your brain function less efficiantly hun. Your body is like a well oiled machine, but if you don't let it cool down or give it fuel to work, it'll burn out.
Sorry if that didn't make much sense or help much, I hope you feel better soon hun.
Xxx
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
I can understand what you're saying completely, me and my Others are very close, when I do what I'm told and follow their plans. I don't believe anyone can be "mad" we all work in different ways. Numbers are the way you work, it's what makes sense to you because there are formulas and equations, things can be worked out easily because 1 is always 1 whereas with words 1 can be one whole, one person, one nation. Numbers are easier than words.
Anyway, your friend was very insensitive to say that to you, but in a way she is right hun. Your medication is important to take and I know thay it is a pain in the ass, but I think deep down you know it's important to take too. YOU are the one working out the numbers hun, whatever help they give you it's YOU working it out and coming to the conclusion. Isn't it better to be able to work out those problems yourself rather then have them lead you or tell you the answer? Them leading you to the answer is like working out a maths problem when you've already been given the answer, isn't it more satisfying and better for your all round growth in learning to lean less on their knowledge and lean more on your own? I'm sure, given the chance, you could be much smarter then them all, but if you always lean on their help to get there, are you really working out the problem yourself?
Also lack of sleep and food will wear you down, it'll make your brain function less efficiantly hun. Your body is like a well oiled machine, but if you don't let it cool down or give it fuel to work, it'll burn out.
Sorry if that didn't make much sense or help much, I hope you feel better soon hun.
Xxx
That made sense, thank you.
John, Fred, Alex and the Woman don't really lead me to the answers, they discuss it with me, and the problems I am solving in my head are very challenging in terms of remembering all the bits of information, so they are like my notepad.
I'll try to eat and sleep, but only the minimum that I require, because for me those two things are a distraction from my work.
Your explanation of numbers and words (first para) are very good and I agree completely.
However my medication chemically holds me back, it prevents me from doing what I can do. I am going to refuse all psychiatric medications from now on. Nothing to poison the mind.
John, Fred, Alex and the Woman are all so close to me that I couldn't bear for anyone to take them away. If anyone takes them away, I will kill that person for sure, and I mean it, I will kill that person because that person would take away the best friends I could ever have.
People say they're hallucinations, but they're not. They're real people. Ok, others can't see them, but that's because I am Chosen. I am Chosen to possess these people who can hide their presence from others.
Thanks for the post, it really helped.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
00:51 and still 100% awake. That's good. I will go to bed maybe at 3am and wake up at 6am. I seem to have loud whispering in my head. Mostly numbers.
Thank you for all your replies btw.
PM me if you want a PDF copy of the ICD-10or the Mental Health Act 1983/2007. I ALSO HAVE THE DSM-V BOOK and am a pharmacology student.
I have a visual impairment / neurological problems so I need people to type in clear text and no funny fonts. Also excuse any typos, my vision blocks things out.
I have autism and have problems communicating, PMs included.
Just becasue I type well doesn't mean I speak well. I am only part time verbal.
I hope you are alright. I don't think you are mad but I do think that you may be ill. I understand about meds surpressing things. Mine stop me analysing and thinking in any depth and forming theories for history. It also prevents me from writing poetry. I know it is not exactly the same but I can see why coming off the meds made sense to you.
What would concern me is what is going to happen next? You have said before that when you are stressed or don't take meds you end up in A&E. Why would this not happen this time?
