Triggering (SI/Suicide) - I'm done

lunalovegood · 20-06-2008, 08:01 PM

I can't stop crying. I'm so sorry.
I can't wait until I will be able to cut myself.

The following content has been hidden - Reason : SI/graphic

I don't know what to do anymore.
Everyone's done with high school now. Everyone's going to uni in the fall. Everyone's happy.
And I failed maths.
I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to live.
I had to promise my psychologist I wouldn't kill myself until next monday.
I don't know if I can keep that promise.
bad.bad.everything's so bad.

no ones there to save you · 20-06-2008, 08:17 PM

hey hun,
finishing high school is a big deal, i finished last year and felt so left behind, everyone else knew what they wanted to do and i didnt have a clue, im not sure i still do.
can you take a gap year? i found i've grown up alot in the last year. this'll give you time to re take anything that you feel you need to, and get a better sense of what you want to do. don't feel you have to go to uni because everyone else is, just do what feels right for you.
killing yourself may seem like the only option right now, but i promise you it isn't worth it, there are things to live for, is there someone close to you that you can go to for help?
if you need anything on here then feel free to pm me
xxx

lunalovegood · 20-06-2008, 08:35 PM

I am already taking a gap year. I can take the exam over in september, but still. everyone's finished and I am not.
I just don't want to live anymore. I really don't.
there's no reason. I have no future.
and I have to go babysit tomorrow. the whole day. and I don't want to. but it's really important for them cause they have to go somewhere. and I just want to stay at home in my bed and cry and I'm not even allowed to do that. I can't babysit. I have to die. it's the only possibility to not have to babysit. I'm stupid. I know. I'm sorry. I'm just confused. kind of.

Sometimes Crazy · 20-06-2008, 09:15 PM

Hiya,

Sweetie, you're not being stupid at all - you sound in a very low place and I'm so sorry. Are you getting any kind of professional help for the feelings you are getting right now? Do you think it's just about leaving high school that has brought this on or is there anything underlying that that might be upsetting you as well? I know right now that suicide seems to be the only option but you are a very special person and you don't deserve to feel so bad as this. Try not to have any tools near you or anything you could use to harm yourself because you don't deserve to feel like this, love. Could you keep yourself around people, even calling a helpline/crisis line at your bad points so you can hang on for this appointment? Stay safe and I'm always here for you if you need to talk,

xx

Louise · 20-06-2008, 09:28 PM

Hiya! I’m so sorry that your having such a hard time right now. *hugs* I know that what your going through is not easy but it doesn’t mean that you can’t get through this. we are all here for you and care for you. You can get through this please don’t give up please keep fighting through this. Even try to start to take an hour at time then when you have done that try another hour and take it from there.

Suicide is not the answer though it seems like the easy options it’s people close to you e.g. friends even people on here would miss you.

Have you thought about writing your feelings down on paper? punching a pillow drawing with red pen on where you want to harm. Please keep distracting like listening to loud music, going for a walk. using the distracting form on here. Please look after yourself and try to keep yourself safe. Please to hesitate to pm me if you need to talk more. Xx

Porcelain Child · 20-06-2008, 09:58 PM

*squishes Lauren*...

No words sorry... but wanted to say that your not stupid at all... I really hope you don't try to kill yourself... you can get through this... i feel the same as you.... everything finished and now i am facing starting again in september.....You can get through this... I am sorry about what you are going through at the moment...

*squishes Lauren*

lunalovegood · 22-06-2008, 10:55 AM

It's not just leaving high school. It's the whole package, I guess.
Everyone leaving me. No friends. No one to talk to. I am so alone I could scream and cry and never stop.
I have two jobs for the summer and I don't even feel like I can manage one.
I'm sick of wearing long sleeves everywhere I go and making up excuses why I do that.
I know I should distract myself, but I can't. I'm just so low right now that I can't even LISTEN when someone's talking. Just. I don't know.