Triggering (SI/OD) - "Imagine a miracle has happened...
...and you wake up in the morning to find that all your negative feelings, all your abadonment, depression, sadness, has disappeared. Tell me how you are feeling, what you want to do, what you're thinking?"
*stares blankly*
i cant imagine...
Last edited by PropheticStar : 15-06-2008 at 01:35 PM.
*squishes erin until she is squished out* honey, you WILL get to that point. Maybe. or maybe there will always be a lingering feeling.... like that yucky taste that lingers in the back of your throat after you've.... drunk cough medicine... What did you think i was going to say? I know you can get past this sweetheart! *hugs tight*
*flashes*
Jess
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
there will be a day where you will find that happiness!!! that peace! someday you will feel it! ::hugs:: I was there once but i took a turn for the worst and now i cant imagine getting back there! ::hugs:: remember you did have a time in your life were you were happy but deppression toys with your emotions!
Just ignore me... wait you already do!
I was Lei'd live in vets!
The following content has been hidden - Reason : Secrete
Dear groovy aunt Erin, I wish I knew how to help. But until you get there, I'll do my best to help you out and to be a shoulder you can lean on or cry on.
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
I know this will sound contrite but I do not remember a time in my life that has been free of it all. There was a time it was so far at the back of my mind I felt as though I might be able to pull away, however, even then, it was there. I started life out on the wrong foot, and I can't help but stumble.
She asked me this question. I have never been asked a more difficult question in my life.
Difficult questions have difficult answers... though sometimes the answers are simple. You felt like that once. You will feel like that again. *cuddles tight*
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
In therapy you need challenging questions. If you sit there in the bubble of comfort you dont move on or forward. An unchallenging and "soft" therapist allows us to dictate just how much we reveal and hide and ultimately lets us go no where.
Im glad she is challenging you. YOU NEED IT!
20 years unchallenged. 20 years of these feelings being born and bread and fed, but never challenged and reasoned and banished.
2 sessions and you think you can answer a question like that right away? Pah!
Good on your therapist. I hope she makes you struggle to find answers. I hope she makes you cry and feel angry and pain and all kinds of things that you have suppressed the whole of your life. I hope she will allow you to learn to release outwardly instead of inwardly.
You have a brain and its time that brain was set difficult questions. Its about time that brain wasnt allowed to hide under Vodka and sleeping pills and drugs. Its about time that brain wasnt allowed to just pull a sweet face and change subject and dictate.
I like your therapist already. You may have noticed that. I have a good feeling about her.
so what do you do?
Old Erin = Find question too hard and assume she has failed and therefore is a failure for not answering and therefore assume there is no point in trying cus you are going to fail anyway and spend another 20 years slowly dying.
New Erin = I havent a ****ing clue what the answer is, but now there is a seed inside of me that is willing to try hard to find out. With time perhaps the answer will come. I have proven to myself that when i set my mind to something i can make it happen.
SO set your mind to accepting that this cant be answered in one simple session. Set your mind to finding the answers. Their aint just one. Its going to be a mixture of alot of things. You can do it. she knows you can too. She will also know that you aint gonna be able to do it in 2 sessions you twit! :P
Matthew xxx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
Hard questions can make you feel uncomfortable, but they also make you realise things. Erin this is a turning point for you hun, dont fight it, even though it i hard. you will get a lot of benefit from it.
There is this girl at work. She is doing temp work with us. She seemed really upset on Friday in the morning, and I told her "Honey, if you need anything at all, you know where my desk is"
At about eleven she came over to my desk, bawling her eyes out "Please, i need to talk to someone"
I took her out side and we sat down on the ground. She was so amazingly upset, and kept crying and crying. She felt so hopeless, felt like nothing would help. She had nothing, noone liked her, her own family doesn't even like her, things will never get better "I just want to die"
I couldn't help myself when she said that. I just said "No, you don't" I know that seems like a very wrong thing to say, but I just panicked, like I always do when someone is feeling suicidal, but I'm such a hypocrite.
I talked to her, told her that counselling would help. She said she was on AD that helped alot, but then she panicked that she would be on them forever, so went off them. I explained that they are just a crutch, like when you have a broken leg. The crutch just helps you along while the leg heals. I encouraged her to re-connect with her friends. She really needs friends right now. That seemed to sink in cause she ended up going and having lunch with a friend and came back much better. I checked up on her for the rest of the day, and made sure she had my mobile number just in case she needed someone to talk to or see.
I did a good thing. I really helped her. But I don't understand, why has this left me feeling so hollow?
you probably feel hollow because you want someone to be able to do the same thing for you.
Erin you did a lovely thing. But that dosnt make you unsavable. Getting help is dficult and you have to fight to get better. But the fight will be so worth it in the end. Anything worth doing is difficult.
*hugs you* I don't have many words of wisdom for you, everyone seems to have said such wise things already! Just try to remember that you deserve to be happy and you will get there eventually. Take care hun
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
nothing nice. hah. "wake the **** up you whingy little twit and sort your life out. youve got nothing to be all mopey about, youre just an attention whore. so get off your arse and get it all sorted and stop wallowing in this pathetic self pity"
well - i came in to see how you were but i really don't know how to respond to what you would say to yourself. My best advice would be to listen to the opposite - you really are being hard on yourself.
You know, you were so good for that girl at work - it would be so nice if someone could do that for you, it's what you deserve. Sorry this isn't a very good response but I just wanted you to know I care.
Loneliness with or without people, a feeling that comes from inside
Unable to show your true feelings, Unaware of the things that you hide
A life built around a pretending, feeling things that you think you should feel
A life unaware of it’s ending – is there a chance it could ever turn real?
My Lovely Daughters: Reason[TO]Believe, Bound by Thoughts, and Kija. My Little Sisters: Automatik Teknicolour and Pomegranate. My Big Sister: Lil-Princess. My Neice: forever_lost*
And yeah, it would be nice, except I dont let people help me. I have issues with even talking to people let alone accepting help. Maybe that was why I felt so hollow. In a way, I wish I could collapse and break down to someone and just have them be there for me when I need someone the most.
Why do you think i have the words "dont do as i do, do as i say" in my signature? I have them so that people dont end up like me!
Erin, you carry on like this and you will be where i am. Completely alienated from all your friends. No more contact, no more texts, no cards, nothing.
Is that what you really want?
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
i dont know what i want. sometimes i think i want one thing, then i wont, or another completely different thing then freak out cause how could anyone want that.
I wish I could collapse and break down to someone and just have them be there for me when I need someone the most.
I understand that completely - i've wanted to do that so many times but i can't let myself - i often wonder if that makes me a strong person - by holding it together in front of others or a weak person coz i'm not strong enough to cope with others knowing how I am feeling. And it's when i need people the most - that's when i push them away more.
If you could just manage to let one person know (someone that you trust and you haven't managed to share with) it would be such a huge stepping stone for you, It is OK to be vulnerable and to ask for help - there are people out there who will care about you and maybe be able to help - on a day to day basis.
I really hope that you can find the courage to share with someone new in the not too distant future - the more you let out the more room you have inside to deal with everything else. xxx
Loneliness with or without people, a feeling that comes from inside
Unable to show your true feelings, Unaware of the things that you hide
A life built around a pretending, feeling things that you think you should feel
A life unaware of it’s ending – is there a chance it could ever turn real?
My Lovely Daughters: Reason[TO]Believe, Bound by Thoughts, and Kija. My Little Sisters: Automatik Teknicolour and Pomegranate. My Big Sister: Lil-Princess. My Neice: forever_lost*
