On the positive side, before I start getting all emotional and stuff, the pregnancy is going fine, and I am very, very thankful for that.
Things just seem to have crept up behind me and jumped on me all of a sudden.
Life's complicated - I think Rusty will be leaving his job when his contract expires in 3 weeks. We cant really afford the commute to the job, and it's grinding him down spending 4 hours a day in the car. I reckon if he's happier working a less skilled job closer to home, then that's fine by me. In fact, I kind of hope that's what happens, because it feels like we don't get much quality time together now. He gets home at 6.30 (at the earliest, often later) and by the time we've had dinner he wants to go to sleep. It'd be nice if we had proper evenings again, I miss him a lot. Strange to say about someone you live with, but I know what I mean.
Just to add to it, it's my first godson's birthday tomorrow, or would have been. He died 4 years ago, but he would have been 5 this year. Growing up, but it's hard to imagine him that way. His little brother is a year old now, so we're seeing how Ky may have developed if things had worked out differently, but he'd be at school, and a cheeky little monkey no doubt! I wish I could go to his grave tomorrow but it's 70 miles away and I can't drive. It'd be nice to be there for Hannah too, although I think my brother will be spending some time with her so she won't be on her own.
Just all a little emotional at the moment, no doubt hormones aren't helping lol, although sometimes feeling Harlan kicking is what keeps me going.
Oh well, hopefully having got all that out I'll be able to get some sleep - I think tonight calls for some comfort tv... I've just watched Ice Age and I think Monsters Inc or Madagascar may be next.
I'm dripping tears all over the keyboard so I think that's enough for now, just didn't want to go to bed brooding on things too much.
Location: Denial Tent, Virtual Psych Ward Campsite, MA, USA
I am currently:
oh good luck tomorrow honey
i think you sound like a wonderful godmother and those children are lucky to have you, even if one only had you for a short time.
i really hope it helped you to get that off your chest. sleep tight and get some rest. i think it sounds like Rusty needs to work closer too, even if it is less skilled, because gas money is a lot and also because that commute sounds awful especially if it takes time away from him being home and zaps his energy, which he will need when baby comes!
good luck with his job hunt and feel better hun
xxxooo
Rusty's made his decision today - we talked about it again this morning and we both feel better for sorting things out.
He's told his manager that when his contract is up in 3 weeks, he doesn't want to renew it. He's going to get a temporary job closer to home, just warehouse work or something. It may seem crazy for someone with a chemistry degree, but he's not happy in chemistry at the moment. Perhaps he just needs a break from it, or maybe he'll end up gong in a completely different direction. Either way, getting a job in Stoke for a while will give him time to think about what he wants to do.
With regards to Ky, I'm trying to remember all the good things - how he used to stand up holding on to our fingers, then never wanted to sit down again! Things like that, that still make me smile. I hope Hannah's coping alright - I know she knows she can ring me if she needs me.
I'm coping better today than I thought I would. Haven't harmed or anything, so hopefully will get through safely.
Having said that, I can feel my mood starting to drop, but I'm trying to keep myself occupied.
I hope he finds another job quickly, I'm a little bit worried about that. Until he's sorted that out, we can't get a house, and baby is due in 4 months so we're running out of time.
*snuggles tight*
i dont have any advice and im so sorry for that.
but please dont slam the door on your hand. please. it wont make anything better. you'll only have a really sore hand.
keeping you in my thoughts.
much much love.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
A little Consideration, a little Thought for Others, makes all the difference.
I hope you managed to stay safe. Sorry it's been a hard day for you. Try to focus on the positive things like getting to spend more time with Rusty. (I know it's easier said than done.) Hope you're okay hun
