Ok, i've already asked about this on here, but my opinion has now changed, and its mroe serious now cos it seems like a common thing..
(plus.. i wasnt going to post this due to someone elses feelings, but ive just read sumthing which means he doesnt give a fuck about my feelings so fuck it..)
anyway,
my boyfriends ex-girlfriend told him that her boyfriend had raped her. I was sympathetic as I guess i just assumed it wld have been a violent forceful rape.
it turns out her boyfriend had kind of pressured her into it, so when she said "i dont know" if she wanted to have sex with him or not he did it anyway. so she didnt stop him once he was doing it, but she didnt want it. she classes this as rape and is very hurt by it. my boyfriend told her to dump him, which she has, and he's threatened the boyfriend to stay away from her. so basically its this huge big deal.
in my opinion i don't think thats rape, i just think her boyfriends a bastard.
thing is the same thing happened to me, and its got me thinking..maybe it was. just made me get really angry.. u know why didnt he listen to me? why wasnt he more considerate when he knew it was a big deal for me?
im just confused again I guess. am i being overdramatic? cos i thought she (boyfriends ex) was.. garrh i dunno.
Just wondering what other peoples' opinons are, because obviously there's nothing law can do about it, you cant plead a case "i wasnt sure if i wanted it", "i just didnt make it clear enough" etc.
That is certainly a tough one, but in my opinion, all the really matters is how she feels about it. Is she allowed to be hurt by what he did to her? Most certainly Should he be labeled a rapest for the rest of his life? That im not sure of. But I do think what he did definatly warrents keeping an eye on him, and yes, breaking up with him was probably a good course of action. If she said "I don't know" and when he started, she continued to engage ie. kissing touching, then he may not have felt like she was still unsure. Now, if he started and she kinda backed off and he continued, and she didn't show any affection, then that would be more on the grounds of rape, in my opinion. This is certainly a hard question to answer. Im not sure, like I said, I think it all depends on the feelings behind what happened.
xx
Nicole
"Even if hard work and determination doesn't pay off immediatly, it will ALWAYS pay off EVENTUALLY"
i think if the person felt under force, emtoionally or phsyically during the intercourse then it was rape. otherwise an unfortunate incident with a dickhead, in my opinion. however no noe can really know except those involved, and even then it can become distorted in memory. either way it can be aterribly traumatic experience *hugs you*
Last edited by HitchMyAppleWagon : 20-06-2007 at 08:37 PM.
I guess you could say that happened to me-He was my boyfriend, although he didn't ask me-and I didn't make much attempt vocally or physically to stop him...I don't call it rape-I called it abuse. It confuses me all the time-whether I have justice to call it what I call it.
I would say it depends on if you felt forced into it. Did you feel like if you'd asked him to stop he would've carried on anyway? I mean obv I don't know the details n don't know if u did ask him to stop or anything.
But if you didn't feel that it was rape at the time, why should something that happened to your friend change how u feel about something that happened some time ago?
That probably came out wrong, I'm not wording it very well...
Basically, its how u felt at the time that should matter I think...
all states/countries have different rules of what is and what isn't. but the most important thing, and what really matters, isn't someone's opinions, but the feelings of the person it happend to.
being violated is one of the worst things in the world. no matter how it happens.
in ustralia, being 'coerced' into sex is rape. that is even being convinced. if your ever unsure it is. it has to be a definite yes.
but thats just australia, dont know about anywhere else. i suppose it depends on what the feelings are behind it
I don't know. I've always thought that it was only rape if you said, "no!" Or if they completely attack you or something. She said that she didn't know, but did she participate in it at all? That's a key point too...
bro//ken, the word 'no' does NOT have to be spoken, at all! hell, if a person is intoxicated and willingly participates in sex, it can still be considered rape because they did not make a concious decision.
sorry, i just feel very strongly on this topic
But "I don't know" is not clearly "no".
Although, I think the boy should have stopped because the girl was unsure of herself/the situation etc.
But equally, "she didn't stop him once he was doing it"
She could have said no at that point.
Hmmmm.
Don't know quite what I'm getting at.
I guess I don't think it was rape.
But then I don't know much about it.
For what it's worth it was worth all the while. I hope you had the time of your life...
I can see you're sad, even when you smile, even when you laugh; I can see it in your eyes, deep inside you want to cry
~ ddoouubbllee lleetttteerr tthhrreeaaddeerr
~ honourary emma
~ honourary katY [Kat*Y* with a *Y* Club]
everything that you've said is the debates thats being going on in my head. i agree with everything you've said.. both sides.
I don't know alot about the other girl as I dont actually know her, only heard second hand about it.
But for me, I was just confused, i said "stop" if i remember correctly, but thats cos it was hurting me, not because i didnt want the sex. i just expected a bit more consideration as it was my first time, for him not to just carry on anyway. but then again...i didnt stop him.
I'm not trying to make out he's a rapist or anything (altho technically he is..but thts abt sumthing else). I know he thought I wanted it, depite me saying i didnt know if i wanted him to carry on. I dont blame him, just feel hurt that he didnt consider my feelings more, considering i was in a lot of pain.
I'm gunna end my responses here.. cos I'm affraid it could get into a flaming session, as i know someone on this thread already will side with him. sorry if that sounds unfair, please understand this is difficult and the reason why i havent talked abt this properly on RYL.
I dont expect anyone to care for me, I just want to know people's opinions, so feel free to carry on posting in here. thanks in advance.
I think it's rape, because it's happened to me.
My last boyfriend and I had sex for the first time together and I feel like we did it when I wasn't ready. We were in a long distance relationship together so it wasn't really a big deal that I felt that we'd had sex too soon as we didn't have to do it again, at least for a while. Then when we met up again (he'd come up and stay in my house for a week) all I wanted to do was hug him and know that I wasn't alone, but all he wanted was sex. And when I'd say I didn't feel like it he would give me the cold shoulder. I felt like he was the only person who would ever love me, so I gave into him, so frightened that I would be left alone. Each time we had sex I would protest but eventually give in and then go to the bathroom and cry as I looked at myself in the mirror. I felt disgusting and horrid. We met up once again for new year. I was too afraid of being alone. But when he emotionally blackmailed me into having sex when my little cousins were in the next room that was just too much for me to bare. I managed to shut myself off from him in a way. He had emotionally blackmailed me into having sex with him. He had "emotionally raped" me, as I saw it. And it completely destroyed me. I may not have been forced physically, but I was forced mentally. My current boyfriend helped me leave the last one and supported me. If my last boyfriend had truly cared about me and had truly been worth my time then he would have respected me. I feel that it was rape. Just thought I'd tell you my story..
- Melody x
Last edited by Grotesque : 12-11-2007 at 09:20 PM.
Reason: Missed a bit out!
