So on another thread it seems thats there a lot of people who are worried about paedophiles in schools. Im wondering if people think that paedophilia is more like to be happening in schools then other places. Would people ever feel safe sending their children to school if theres a chance of there being a paedophile teacher?
Also if there are any teachers/teaching assistants/nursery assistants etc how do you feel about the possibility that parents might think youre interested in their children?Does it affect how you act towards children?
My opinion:
I think that a lot of parents are too scared of there being unsavoury people working in schools. I work in a school as a teaching assistant and I find it very hard to be totally myself there. You cant even hug a child without feeling like youre doing something wrong.
Children at the age i work with (6-7) are naturally tactile and they want to hug, hold your hand, sit on your lap etc. Personally now I just hug back, but I feel uncomfortable like im doing something wrong!
Although I totally understand that childrens safety is paramount I think that there are very few teachers who have any interest in children like that and I actually think that people like that are more likely to keep away from working with what they think about sexually.
Its frustrating to think that people look at me, or the teachers I work with like were going to abuse their children!So it would be nice to know what people felt about this.....do you think theres an increasing number of paedophiles in school?Or is it the same and people just think about it more and fear it more?
Im very interested!xx
Last edited by random.swirls : 10-04-2009 at 11:50 PM.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I work in a primary school, and it's so awkward with the children I work with because they're very huggy. I'm not allowed to hug them back, but neither am I allowed to say that I'm not allowed to hug them back.
It's being taken too far.
Addition: When I was recieving 'counselling' from my teacher (I used to go and rant to her), she wasn't allowed to close the door of the room we were sat in for 'security reasons'.
Last edited by shieldworld : 07-04-2009 at 12:56 PM.
Reason: addition
I sort of end up just one arm hugging them side on! which makes me feel like im being really cold towards them!
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
Me and my grandma always complain about this! I have volunteered a lot with children and she was a nursery teacher when all the fuss about this first started becoming more public and she was told she couldn't touch the children and ended up telling them where to go because when a child fell over and was crying she wasn't just going to leave them she was going to cuddle them.
It is ridiculous you cannot protect your child all the time unless you never let them be with anyone other than yourself. Children are growing up to be afraid of everything because of the way they are bubble wrapped.
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
So on another thread it seems thats there a lot of people who are worried about paedophiles in schools. Im wondering if people think that paedophilia is more like to be happening in schools then other places. Would people ever feel safe sending their children to school if theres a chance of there being a paedophile teacher?
Also if there are any teachers/teaching assistants/nursery assistants etc how do you feel about the possibility that parents might think youre interested in their children?Does it affect how you act towards children?
So it would be nice to know what people felt about this.....do you think theres an increasing number of paedophiles in school?Or is it the same and people just think about it more and fear it more?
Oddly, my concerns on the PE thread actually had very, very little to do with paedophillia.
I don't think paedophiles are at a higher rate in schools than elsewhere as there are abusers everywhere. I'm interested by this though:
Quote:
Would people ever feel safe sending their children to school if theres a chance of there being a paedophile teacher?
I wouldn't take it for granted that a teacher wasn't a paedophile, if that makes sense. Of course, they've had CRB checks, but those only show up evidence for those who've been discovered by the police to be abusers. We'll still send our son to school though, it's a matter of assessing risk.
There is definitely more fear, but i think it's entirely understandable. Paedophiles have been uncovered in all professions and when people feel they can't een trust the police - as an example - they're going to be wary. Also, however safety conscious a parent is, there's always an element of fear; it's frightening to hear the stories on the news, children are still abused by those in positions of authority (and even worse) positions of trust.
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
with me if i ever have children yeh it would always be a worry about pedofiles in schools but in the end of the day no one can stop pedofilier as its not like they walk around wearing a tshirt saying they are one and tbh a pedofile can get in contact with kids anywhere especially with some parents who like let there kids run off in supermarkets and places that are open to the whole public. and to me if you chose to home school your kids because of this then u may aswell not them not leave the house.
it will always be a worry for people but all we can do is inform kids and teach em NOT to go off or go near people that they dont know.
Oddly, my concerns on the PE thread actually had very, very little to do with paedophillia.
I don't think paedophiles are at a higher rate in schools than elsewhere as there are abusers everywhere. I'm interested by this though:
I wouldn't take it for granted that a teacher wasn't a paedophile, if that makes sense. Of course, they've had CRB checks, but those only show up evidence for those who've been discovered by the police to be abusers. We'll still send our son to school though, it's a matter of assessing risk.
There is definitely more fear, but i think it's entirely understandable. Paedophiles have been uncovered in all professions and when people feel they can't een trust the police - as an example - they're going to be wary. Also, however safety conscious a parent is, there's always an element of fear; it's frightening to hear the stories on the news, children are still abused by those in positions of authority (and even worse) positions of trust.
If you saw a teacher hugging your son would you automatically think that there was something dodgy going on? Because thats whats really frustrating is that people actually think that!So if say your child (universal you) fell over and they were clamouring for a hug, would you prefer the person in charge to ignore that and just tell them its alright, or would you be ok with them hugging your child.
Yeah Katy, its very difficult having to second guess yourself and if a child wants a hug, usually ill do it, or if they hold my hand, ill hold their hand because Im not going to shut off what they obviously need because its not seen as 'right' or whatever.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
And I always talk to children wherever I go like in the supermarket I always end up talking to kids and I in the last couple of years I have noticed people getting pissed off with more but you still do get a lot who don't mind but then some people seem to think anyone who dares look at their child is a peadophile which is ridiculous! My neighbour plays with Luke all the time and he picks up and throws him about and I don't mind because I know he is just messing and he is loverly.
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
Abusers are FAR more likely to be in the home or close family of the child than not.
Children are seriously losing out as a result of curtailed freedom and fears about perfectly safe adults.
QFT!
It annoys me the whole paedophilia witchhunting going on in the media. And then you get braying mobs outside paediatricians houses because they are too ignorant to know the difference.
Yes parents should be aware of paedophiles as a threat, but if they are going to be paranoid over teachers then they should be equally if not more paranoid with uncles,cousins,grandparents,babysitters etc.
There is also a rather worrying trend in schools where kids in trouble will claim that a teacher "touched them" and that "they can't touch you, that's abuse". Which was something I witnessed when in school when a teacher stepped in to stop a boy throwing a table and on a few other occasions. In some way's it's insulting to those who have genuinely suffered abuse when the term is bandied about so lightly.
Heidi and Irene, both of you make so much sense!And I very much agree that theyre more like the be family/friends etc.x
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
If you saw a teacher hugging your son would you automatically think that there was something dodgy going on? Because thats whats really frustrating is that people actually think that!So if say your child (universal you) fell over and they were clamouring for a hug, would you prefer the person in charge to ignore that and just tell them its alright, or would you be ok with them hugging your child.
Yeah Katy, its very difficult having to second guess yourself and if a child wants a hug, usually ill do it, or if they hold my hand, ill hold their hand because Im not going to shut off what they obviously need because its not seen as 'right' or whatever.
I don't think children should be denied hugs, not in the slightest, but there is sense in being aware of the possible implications. I'll no doubt explain this terribly, but a teacher giving a child a gentle hug after scraping their knee is fine, but i would find it inappropriate for a teacher to be hugging a child, clutching them to their bodies, if that makes sense?
I think it's something that needs a sensible approach: comfort a child, but don't over do it. And to comfort a child in front of others, not in private, as it were.
18.11 28.4 6.5 22.31
My heart just needs his smile, that i can't forget, like so melancholy a kiss.
I have a teacher who is a very close friend (i only met her through school) and I hug her all the time, like I would any other friend. i also have her mobile and we text each other quite a bit, do you lot think this is over the line?
^ While she is teaching you yes. I was very close to one of my teachers and it wasn't until she left last year she added me on facebook even though she wanted to earlier because teachers are supposed to keep some distance from students.
You're entirely bonkers. But I'll tell you a secret. All the best people are.
the main reason she gave me her mobile was because i was in hospital and she wanted to keep in touch.
shes been there for me so much over the years. she has bought me a pregnancy test (probably illegle and should of taken me to the school nurse) and she buys me soothing products for my cuts. we get each other birthday cards and presents too and im always buying presents for her kids.
I could see myself being as involved with someone as your teacher is with you. But I think its very different when its someone who is at an age where they themselves should be able to differentiate between an ok relationship and a relationship thats not ok.
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I sort of end up just one arm hugging them side on! which makes me feel like im being really cold towards them!
I worked in a school for children with learning disabilities, and some of them are naturally really affectionate, I was told to turn my side to them and tell them hugs and kisses are only for mummies and daddies if they tried to hug me, it really crushed me to see the looks on their faces like they thought I didnt want to be giving them hugs. I did get told off for kneeling down and giving a little boy a proper hug on my last day there but he bought me a thankyou present, I was NOT going to turn my back on him then.
i know!stuff like that irritates me beyond belief!
There are times to stay put, and what you want will come to you.
But there are times to go out into the world and find such a thing for yourself.
I aint no abacus but you can count on me.
I worked as a teachers aid for kindergarten kids and would spend quite a while reading to them and they would try to climb in my lap becasue "that's where we sit when mummy and daddy read to us" and got chewed out for it by the principal. So I told her that she could come in and tell the kids that the reason I wouldn't let them hug me or sit in my lap when reading a story. So she did, and three kids cried becasue they thought they had been bad. So she had to try to explain to a bunch of 5 year olds why they couldn't do it. This was abuot... 8 years ago now, and things have changed again... but yeah. I do know of two cases at school in sydney where teachers abused there students (one was my p.e teacher in highschool) and the other was a grade six teacher.
But yeah, it's not going to stop me sending my kids to school!
"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind."
When I was in elementary school, kids used to sit against the teachers' legs and such to listen to stories (they usually weren't allowed to sit on the teacher's lap, but only because it wouldn't be fair to everyone else sitting on the floor), and teachers would hug kids who were upset and such all the time. That was ages ago, but even at the elementary schools where I volunteered in high school teachers would still cuddle a kid who was crying or whatever, and that was only like 6-8 years ago.
I worked at an elementary school last year, and I'm working in a middle school this year, and I've never been told I wasn't allowed to touch students at all. I'm not a very touchy person, so it never came up, but last year they did tell us we weren't allowed to be alone with the students (because we weren't allowed to be responsible for looking after the kids, not because we might hurt them), and even then they didn't say anything about touching them. At the middle school where I work now, the teachers I work with do things like put an arm around a kid's shoulders or touch their arm all the time.
I see nothing wrong with hugging kids as long as there are other people around and the kid either initiates it, or is crying or such, and I think it's ridiculous when schools ban all forms of physical contact, especially in elementary schools where touch is still a major form of communication for the younger students. I'm generally really careful about touching kids at all if I'm alone with them though, and even just tapping a kid on the arm to get his attention makes me nervous if there's no one else around. Although, I'm kind of nervous being alone with students in the first place, cause I'm fairly sure I'm not supposed to be as I'm just a volunteer, and I have absolutely no qualifications and haven't even had a background check or anything, so that might be part of it. But even when I'm alone with a kid, people come in and out of the classrooms all the time, and it's not like they knock first, so really if I were going to do something inappropriate (obviously I never would, just hypothetically), I'm almost certainly get caught anyway, so I think kids are pretty safe alone with an adult in a setting like that anyway. It's only when you get into things like a teacher being alone with a kid and locking the door that I'd consider it a significant risk, and there's no reason that a classroom or office door ever needs to be locked when there are students in the room anyway. Incidentally, I've noticed that my professors generally keep their doors open whenever they have students in their office (except for a few who bring their dogs to work) even though we're over 18, which I only even noticed that when I when to talk to my clinical psych professor about something and she closed the door so we could talk privately. So I think it's perfectly reasonable for teachers to leave the door open if they're alone with a student unless there's a reason it needs to be closed, like if they're talking about something private/confidential or the hall is really noisy, and even when the door is closed, it should always be unlocked. And I also think that's enough -- there's no need to ban all physical contact.
I don't see what banning all touch is really going to do anyway -- it's not like pedophiles go up to a kid in public and abuse them and look like they're just giving them a totally normal hug for a perfectly appropriate reason, and the kid would say anything if only they knew that it wasn't just a hug and was actually something bad. If something does happen, chances are it's going to be in private, and if the kid doesn't say anything it's because he/she is scared to say anything, not because he/she didn't know it was bad but would have if only teachers didn't touch kids at all even though the kids were never actually told that teachers weren't allowed to touch them at all.
Emily
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If we spend all our time being concerned about sending our children to school because there's going to be paedophiles in them, then we have to be concerned about baby sitters, grandparents, nurses etc. My teachers were always affectionate with my classes up until we stopped needing that affection (year 6 ish) If I fell over and grazed my knee, I got picked up and carried to the nurses office. Nothing sexual, nothing pervy, just a small child crying her eyes out because she's got grit in her knee. I used to sit on my childminder's husband's knee when I was younger as well. Was there anything sexual about that? No.
People need to stop with the paedophile witch hunts. I actually saw most of the kids I work with get distressed because I wouldn't hug back. I wasn't allowed to tell them why, I just had to stand there. There was no other option, as taking them by the shoulders and turning them round towards their work isn't allowed either.
