im sorry if this all wrong this is only my second thread though i have done update replys on my first. i have been feeling really bad latly and it just keeps getting worse. on my first post i said i was scared i would cut, well unfortunantly i did, not as bad as i have before but bad enough it could use sutures. anyway im not here to sound likeim bragging sorry if it does. anyway i thought that night would be enough but it wasnt i cut again last night. the thing is im not cutting bad enough, as sick as that is. i mean i was trying to stay as safe as i could. anyway now not only do i feel like cutting but i want to just die, not because i want to be dead, i just dont want to live like this. i told my therapist last night and she put me on a contract till i talk to her tonight, but after we talk im not sure what i will do. the worst thing is that i have an im buddy who i have come to trust, unfortunantly, and so i told her how i honestly felt. now i feel terrible because she is worried like crazy about me and i had to tell her i would not try to kill myself to get her to go to sleep last night. i dont want to hurt anybody, and i know suicide does that. i have lost a few friends to its clutches and my own mom has attempted it a few times and has already told me that if she gets that depressed and desperate again sh ehas already worked all the kinks out and knows what went wrong th elast few times and so she will get it right this time. when i think about her killing herself i just want to scream. i mean i have told her what it would do to me and she and my brother are really close so i asked her how she thought he would feel and she was like my kids are grown you kids can deal with life now on your own so im sorry, be happy for me though i wont hurt anymore. i tol dher well what about the grandkids and she was like i expect you to explain it to them that i was sick and i was like yea well eventually they are gonna wanna know what you had. anyway i said that just to explain that i do know how suicide affects people, and i dont want to do that i just want to stop hurting and i feel that all other efforts to do this have failed and this is my last option. im a fighter but even a good fighter knows when to just give up and lay down because their challenger can and will defeast them. anyway thats my post. bye thank you for listening
I'm really sorry you are feeling so bad, and are going through so much.
Despite the fact you seem to be very low at the moment, you appear to be thinking quite rationally about things, which really is a good thing. You said you know the effect suicide has on those around you. That effect is because those people around you really do care about you.
Try and hold on to that - there are people who care. It may seem like that's not enough sometimes, but it is. Love is the best thing anyone can ever give you, try and hold on to it with all your strength.
Is there anyone you can speak to about how you are feeling? Your GP perhaps? Professional help really could do some good hun.
You said you're a fighter - keep fighting. There is no point at which someone should say enough is enough in terms of their life. Things can and will get better hun, you just have to keep fighting your way through the bad times to reach the good times.
Try and keep safe, if you need to, then try the Samaritans or speak to your GP.
Hey there, I know what you're going through right now must be really tough, but you're thinking about things fairly rationally, which is a really good thing for you. You said you're a fighter, so keep fighting it. Every good fighter knows when the battle is lost, but that doesn't mean the war is lost, just a small battle. You just pick back up and keep going. Don't give up on your life just yet, you can make it through. (Sorry, I'm not the best with war analogies) Is there anyone you can talk to about this? A therapist or good friend?
I know it might seem at points that no one cares about you, but there always is and always will be. Remember, you might just be one person in the world, but you're the world to someone else even if you don't know who.
Take care of yourself, and if you ever want to talk, I'm here for you.
xx
Laura
Hey there.
It seems like you're going through quite a rough time at the moment. What you have said i'm sure a lot of people can relate to so you're not alone in feeling the way you are doing honey.
The one thing that you have got to bare in mind that situations change, feelings change, you change. Things seem rough at the moment, but things will change. Everything changed given time and you have all the time in the world for it to change. Feelings can and do change so you have just got to keep hanging on for that and it will work out honey. Don't give up too soon.
Just think back about all the happy times you have had. If you felt like this then then you would have never experienced the good things in your life, wouldn't that be a shame if you hadn't? .... the same goes for now. you will have so many more happy moments which you have yet to experience, which would be sad if you didn't get the chance to enjoy them. Keep holding on for them. There is no reason why things won't change for you honey.
As cliche as it sounds, give it time and things will work out.
You're strong, and i have no doubt that you're not going to be able to do this because you are. We're all here for you =)
Take care of yourself.
Chloe. xx
Times like that are never easy. My mother suffers from depression and as you know, I'm sure, it isn't an easy thing to live with. Especially when your own mother talks so calmly about suicide. Its scary.*hugs* You've got to remember who and what you're here for. Don't sacrifice your dreams and hopes for others. Stay strong, hold out, and take the ladder one rung at a time. Eventually you'll get to the top. Feel free to PM me any time.
Why can't you just ??
all-hope.lost-forever is my tasty jelly bean!
oderint_dum_metuant is my BEAUTIFULANGEL. NoSanity is my FlOaTiNg BuBble.
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