Triggering (Suicide) - i think the trigger label covers it...

[~invisible~girl~]

I told me counselor today that I've thought about taking these pills I had. She made me give her the pills. It was that or she was going to call my parents. I had to stay an hour past the end of the session, and I had to talk to the director of the health center as well as my normal counselor. They talked about sending me to the hospital as a real possibility.

The thing is, part of me does want to go to the hospital... There's something really appealing about just giving up - not finishing the semester, taking incompletes or finishing the work at home, and letting my parents and student services and the health center arrange all of that, and not having anything be my responsibility for a while. Only I can't let my parents or friends know I'm struggling so much. They just can't know.

And I think I kind of lied to my therapist a little. When I agreed to give her the pills, I said there wasn't anything else I'd try. There's not. But I didn't mention that can just go to Safeway and buy another bottle of pills. It's open 24 hours, and it takes about 5 minutes to get there. And the pills I had only cost $8 for probably a lethal dose.

I also didn't tell her that I already did take a bunch of pills on Saturday. I'm not sure she'd have agreed not to call my parents or even not to send me to the hospital if I'd told her that part.

[Alone and Scared]

You sound like your finding things really hard - understatement I know.

Try as hard as you can to avoid going to Safeway. This isn't the way to go, you can fight, and it's going to be hard. Try to take a day at a time, sometimes even an hour at a time, and sometimes it will be an even shorter time, but you can get through this.

Why do you not want your parents or friends to know how much you are struggling? You sound like you could really do with some support, and sometimes we just have to give in and have those people supporting us.
xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[~invisible~girl~]

People knowing will only make it worse. That's what happened with cutting. My mom found out, and she keeps asking me about stuff even when I don't want to think about it, and even when I do feel bad, having her fussing over me just makes me feel worse anyway. And my friends I don't want to know cause it's embarrassing, and I don't want them to know that I can't do it... that may not even be able to finish my classes this semester, or that the reason I switched to biology was that biochem really was too hard, and I'm not even sure I can do this much, or that I really spend hardly any time studying anymore, even though I lock myself in my room for most of the day... I don't want them to talk about me, or walk on eggshells around me... I don't want to be different or sick or crazy - I just want to be normal