Triggering (SI/ED) - I Can't Fight This *Trig everything*
I can't fight this.
I'm not a strong enough person.
I'm sat here in tears while my two best friends are telling me on msn that I have problems and that I need to tell my mum that I still SI and that I'm harly eating any more.
I can't.
I can't hurt her and tell her that.
I can't even fight this. Once one thing gets better the other gets worse.
Less SI, more restricting. More binging, more SI.
I'm lying to everyone.
I'm not strong.
I'm fucking weak.
I don't deserve friends. I don't deserve anything.
I just can't.
hey my lovely,
you do deserve friends, you deserve everything, to be happy and no hurting anymore. Im sorry things are so hard atm. I know what you mean, i really do, when im not cutting in ODing, or harming in some other way.
I dont want to tell my mum that i am still struggling, but maybe you could just have a general chat, about underlying probs, like maybe self esteem or something. Although my mum doesnt know the half of it i felt better for saying to her 'I am ok, but im still not feeling myself' Its hard when friends are pressuring you, im lying to my friends to, cos it was thru my best friend my mum found out. But its because they care, and dont really understand why we do this to ourselves.
Maybe if you dont feel you can chat to anyone you know and tell them to truth, you could call a helpline for a chat? i did that the other week, and they were really helpful at just chatting through my feelings.
Take care of yourself, and keep fighting, you arent weak at all.
im always around online so PM me or add me to msn if you want someone to chat to :)xxxx
"If only everyone could know and live with their inner craziness…people would be fairer and happier." Paulo Coelho
Hey hun,
You do deserve friends, you deserve a LOT. I totally understand about how when the restricting gets better the SI gets worse, I have exactly the same thing.
Telling your mom can be hard, but I promise you she won't be upset at YOU. She'll maybe be upset, but not at you... more for you... she'll be sad and feel confussed and might not know how to help you, and she might appear angry at first, but give her some time- she most likely will be more angry at herself than you, she will think she did something to let you down... But even if she feels that way at first, she won't for long, it won't hurt her I promise. She's your mom, she'll want to help, and once she understands it and realizes how much courage it takes for you to tell her, I think she'll feel really honored and special because you trusted her enough and loved her enough to ask for her help. But, you have to be ready to tell her too... it can be difficult to open up to someone and tell them these things. Maybe if/when you do tell her, have resources available for her, to help her understand. Maybe write it down in a note for her, you could leave it where she'll find it, or you can just hand it to her and tell her "mom, there's something we need to talk about, but I wrote you a letter... I want you to read it when I'm not around, and I included some information for you to research, and after you've learned some about it and have a few days to process it, then let's talk"... just a few ideas... but do what YOUR comfortable with.
Well I believe your strong enough to keep going. Deep down you wanna fight this, because if you didn't you wouldn't be reaching out to people on RYL. And you deserve the world! don't ever doubt that. You just got to take it day by day.
Much love and hugs. And don't hesitate to PM me if you ever need somebody.
The fact that you are here right now proves you are strong. Even the strongest people have problems, sweetie.
You can do this, you can. Because you have made it this far, you have done so well, you just need to keep fighting.
There's always a light at the end of the tunnel.
I told my mum after a lot of persuasion, and I thought she would be hurt, she wasn't. She was really grateful I had told her, was more upset that I have waited so long! She might be able to really help you, but if you aren't ready then don't. And don't let anyone force you either.
