Triggering (SI) - Im Losing My mind, and i need replies.

[Justdan]

Ok, This is going to be big so i hope you have the time to read this.

Right bassicly me and my girl friend met off myspace and it was love at first site. now since then i havent stopped loving her and im still deeply in love with her , but i feel when we argue or when its triggerd off to an arguement,ill suddenly become this diffrent person, ill start blamin myself for everything and then ill be like "babe im sorry i really shouldnt of said that"
Or "it pissis u off i shudnt do it" this point i feel as if i should bow down to her and because my mind is so ****ed up i act as if i am , but i cant overcome how much im in love with her , so ill do wot ever she asks now i aint her slave and i dont do everything but its like ill do it to please her...

take sex for example, ill get her sorted etc, go down on her even tho i dont feel like it but cuz i want to please her ill do it, now if say yourselfs u went down on a person and you asked for something in return would that person do it cuz its sumit u do in a relationship isnt it?

With us it isnt , when i expect oral back to me she wont do it but when i do it to her its cuz shes asked etc...

but anyway , i feel as if im cracking up , i have no exit , and along all of this were engaged weve been toghether a year next month , n were plannin everything like a party n along side tht a wedding BUT im working in game atm, and im being payed 95 every 2 weeks n they wont giv me more hours cuz they cnt cuz their struggling to give anyone hours.

and i cant quit cuz i need to get my girl friend somehting for her bday on the 22nd of march and if we can get back down to cardiff (cuz we live in manc) i dont fink i will have enough to go out clubbing along side **** on top of tht.

i dont know im losin my mind and i dont know what to do , if anyone can help or if they have msn to tlk more in the mean time please let me know i feel as if im losing my mind and becomin a mental person.


Thanks.

[Stellata]

Have you got a history of blaming yourself, doing yourself down?

I don't think you're losing your mind. I rather think you're insecure right now and also feel a need to remain your own person and in some kind of control.

[Justdan]

i havent had a history but i tend to fink i do a lot of things wrong like i cant get anything right...like in work and that.

[Eve of D.]

hi, i dont know much about relationships, but if the way yours is going is making you feel bad about urself or hurting u, you should talk to her or something. you don't deserve to feel like that, especially with the person you love. marriage is a big commitment, if it were me i wouldn't want to go into it in while in that position; (i would end up resenting the other person for making me feel that way, personally). have you tried talking to her about it? and does she know that you tend to blame yourself? she probably doesn't want to make u feel that way but when ppl fight i guess they just don't think that much about how it affects the other person. Good luck.