I just don't know.

[Kayleigh10]

I don't know why I can't move past the things that have held me down for so many years. Why can some people go through traumatic events and keep living their lives like nothing happened and I can't? I'm just tired of being in pain. I'm tired of having to come up with excuses as to why I have scars on my arms and why I never wear shorts or skirts. I want to get the truth out to someone. I can't wear shorts because I have disgusting scars all over my legs. Why did I ever have to start doing this to myself all those years ago?

[Wonderland.]

Everyone deals with traumatic experiences in different ways. Have you ever had support to help you work through the traumas you have been through?

[Gem-Louise]

Hello hun ,im so sorry to hear your struggling right now .
I know how it feels to not be able to get past an event or even stop thinking about it .
Do you have any support right now ? anyone you can talk to a family member? friend?
I am always here if you need to talk just send me a PM .
Take care x

[Ranger Fairy]

I can really relate to how you are feeling. I often wander why I couldn't deal with the traumatic experiences I've gone through differently. But everyone deals with it differently. Take this site for example, lots of people who have gone through traumatic events have dealt them with destructive behaviors.

Do you have any support/help to help you to work through these experiences?

I know scars can be difficult to explain and hard to accept *hugs* Are you working on any healthier coping strategies?

[DontLookUp]

Im really sorry that things are so difficult for you.
I completely understand that feeling and irritation of other people just being able to cope better naturally. And just not understanding why you couldnt be the resilient one.
But i guess we are all born with things that are naturally easy for us and things that are not, and resilience just happens to be one thing that we need to work on?

I think its about accepting that you deal with trauma differently to others, and not seeing it as a weakness, rather something that you will need to work hard at.

i know how hard it can be to regret SH and wishing we hadnt but at the same time think back to when you were doing it, at the time it seemed like the only option and sometimes SH can be suicide prevention or the only way to remain functioning because you didnt have other coping mechanisms at the time or you were in too much pain. Try not to beat yourself up about it. The scars will always be there but regretting and hating them will only cause you more pain, its something that you also have to accept about yourself.
Could you consider telling someone about them? It might take away some of the shame because keeping it hidden makes us feel more guilty about it.

Take care xxx

[Kayleigh10]

Thank you so much everyone. And as far as support, I really don't have any, I have grown apart from the one close friend I had and my family are just a bunch of strangers who frequently scream at each other living under the same roof. SI is not something I can talk about easily and don't want to be a burden so I keep everything to myself instead. I just want to figure this out before I graduate (next year) with my social work degree. Because who wants a Social Worker who cuts herself?

[PassedExpectations]

maybe when you have urges you could think about what you would advise a client to do, and then see if you can do that for yourself.

not having anyone close to you in terms of friends or family can feel very lonely and isolating. often people's immediate reaction to that is to hide themselves away even more, and think that maybe people don't want to know them, but all that really does is make things worse. it is important to keep going out and trying to build new friendships or strengthen ones that you already have...

[Epicene]

Is there any chance you can access support through university during this year before you graduate? It sounds as though you could benefit from opening up about both your self-harm and past traumas. Feeling so isolated and unable to discuss it with anyone in your personal life is bound to make you feel even more uncomfortable.

I can understand that you feel pressure to be recovered before working as a social worker, but don't be too hard on yourself. Yes, you do need to be well enough to work in terms of occupational health. However, your experiences will be valuable in being able to empathise with others. Remember that you want to enter a career that supports those in need; if others are allowed such help to overcome trauma, so are you.