Don't know who els eto turn to everything is such a mess. All i can think about it taking those pills in y purse, finishing it. Had a date but stupidly told my best friend and now shes toldl me that she has to tell my psychiatrist on thursday. Don;t know what to do. I nee dout I have to I can;t let her stop me I have to die I have to I ant bare any of this anymore., Im constantly crying and cutting and I keep seeing it, over and over again not just pills, flying of bridges into the floor, everything round and round it wont stop I know I have to, So alone saw my GP today and Told him how bad I felt \and that I coulndt cope, he tried he did but now I feel even more alone. I thought mayeb he could do somehting. But he cant and now i know its the only way x
Hunny, it s not the only way , i know you feel alone but your not, i m here and we are all here for you, there s help for you, i think you might need to talk this out, telling what s on your mind, you don t have to keep all this pain inside. I m here if you wanna talk, any time, just pm me, hold on hunny, hugs !
Alex xxx
in a daze cause i found god... says: id be shit if i just let you do that These fragile bodies of touch and taste. This fragrant skin this hair like lace.... (97) says:
what would you say
in a daze cause i found god... says: to alison? in a daze cause i found god... says: i'd tell her that you'd confided plans of suicide, and that i can't not take it seriously. i'd tell her that im really worried about you MY psychiatrist will tell them i;m sure, she wont let me go home, I wont be able to go home. I do have to die, I;m sick of all this almost 4 years and they expect me to still smile and laugh and be normal but i cant its too hopeless, I;m too hopeless. Need to cut so so much, everythings futile. They ask me why I do it but is it really that bad to clutch at any second I can of relief?
Your not hopeless hun , you deserve to get better, and you will , i m sure you will, all this pain inside, you need to tell someone about it, no matter what it is, it mighht actually really help. I m here if you wanna try, i wish i could do more .... Big hug ! Alex
xxx
I don't know what it is, it's just there and it won't go away. I know it never will and now they're trying to take away my get out card and I'm going to be given a life sentence...I can't let them, before thursday I have to go..consequences of my friend telling my psychiatrist are too much, I'll be left more alone and more trapped in this body and mind that loathes me
My dear EmTeeEm ,i know how u feel ,i had my planes my tools to end my life so many times ,
before few days ago i felt the same i didn't know what to do i've almost killed myself but i decided to come to this site and ask for help and so i talked to Jen here who helped me amazingly to get through it it didn't go away but it helped me to prevent the suicide ...
I may not make sense to you now and if iread this myself i would say what is this crap ,life is not worth living ,
But you have to believe me ,I woke up the next day feeling better and i iwas very glad that i didn't kill myself that day .
We have rough times that we can't cope ,But you can't let evil win ,If u feel like you are going to hurt yourself or that you are doing great harm just leave everything and go out for a walk ,clear your head .
Suicidal thoughts are strong they crawl like a disease in your head ,i know i suffered them and still But what matters is that i fight ,there are moments of weakness that you feel that you can't stay in this life -But The most dark hour is before the dawn ,
Stick with this forum ,keep yourself busy i know you can save yourself ,we are here to help you dear...
*hugs*
A little angel fell into my arms at the 7th of december 2010
I can't I'm not strong, I've tried so many times before. This timehas to be absolutely perfect. It has to work. I can't coe with another morning after. Nothings changed for almost 4 years, I've just been in a steady decline til now and I'm spiralling out of control. I can't do anything other than think about it, plan it, dream about it. I see it when I close my eyes. Its the only comforting thought I ever have. No one can or will take that away from me they can't. Without it I'm trapped here. i can't be. i don;t want to be here. I don't want to survive. If this ever did miraculously just stop then still I woulnd'tn want to stay, living in the knowledge that this could happen again, and again. It's a permanent cure. Its the most precious thing I have. Sorry x
My dear ,
I know how you feel gotta believe me i felt like this the night before ,i felt like i'm trapped in life ; I'm not enjoying it not helping not making a diffrence and i can't die i can't kill myself ,I thought of all that i will leave behind the ones whom i love and i care about ,My aunts my mum my dad my sis my friends ,and i thought if they know how much i'm in pain they would forgive me ,BUT my dear ....death is never the solution ,NEVER ,what is there is death that makes you want it so bad?
I know suicidal thoughts took over someone and never lets him alone ,it's and empty cycle ,BUT you can break it .....
you may fall again but will stand again i felt like this two days ago ,i had the plane and everything ,if i didn't ask for help i would be dead right now ,somewhere under the ground ...Glad that i didn't
*hugs*
A little angel fell into my arms at the 7th of december 2010
This has been a constant, after each attempt I only want it more. It's the only way for me I promise. I'm glad you're okay but I can chance it happening again. My family...they'd be better off without mex
Babe they would not be better off without you. I can promise you that. I know how difficult this is, and i can see how desperate you are feeling. But please, don't give up. Keep fighting this, i know you say nothings changed in 4 years.. but things CAN change.. and they WILL change. Just believe.
I hope your ok and taking care of youself
x x x
[If you think you can win, then you can win. Faith is necessary to victory]
Why do u feel this way ?ha tell me ?
Are you a mum?
Are you a dad ?
Are you an aunt?
Are you an uncle ?
No,so you don't know how much you mean to them you don't know ,they may get angry with you sometimes but they won't hate you ,they won't hate their daughter ....
Life is not a bed of roses but we have to do our best to make it better and to face it ,sometimes we fall, we crash,we feel like giving up But that is not something eternal Sun always come after the long night.
A little angel fell into my arms at the 7th of december 2010
I don't want to stay around to wait. I can't bare it. It hurts. I hurt. I'm a recluse. I don't go out, I panic. I dont want to eat and I just lie in my bed all day unless I get dragged out for exams. Its not a life its an existance. I want to die. Theres nothing left. No hope
Are you thinking about suicide?
Thinking about how, if killed yourself, nobody would care?
Think again.
If you kill yourself you will change somebodies world. That's right. They will see everything differently. Just hearing your name will burn their mind with memores. They wont be able to go near where you lived, even your town will hold memories. Listening to the radio they'll hear that song, remember,that song you sang with them once? They'll step past your locker every day and wonder why you are not there. Why are you not there??
Do you want to be responsible for your family members, the people who love you, crying every night? For your sisters or brothers losing part of who they are? Your suicide is going to effect most deeply those who care about you most. That's not right. One of your friends may break down, and just like you, their world will be dark. The pain you are in is awful, but why pass it on to hundreds of people around you, when you could try your hardest to work through it?
Your family will be paranoid. Suddenly everyone will be talking about them. Do you want to be known as 'the kid who killed themselves?' People you never knew will be crying when they hear what you've done. Yes, they will be effected. Everyone around you will stop and think ;; "was there something i could have done?" Suddenly the people of your world are dyingall the time. with guilt. All those little hints you gave, they'll remember them. Oh yes, and it will torture them
Your friends will think of suicide. Your closest friends are likely to go into a depression like the one that claimed your life. How will they cope, without you? This will break them, for the rest of their lives. And lets not forget the people who will plan your funeral. Your closest friends and family picking out songs for you, photos of you. Crying all the night before, and all the day of your funeral. And all the night after. In fact, they will cry now more than you ever did. Could they have saved you?
They'll be angry. Oh yes. Why didn't you tell them? They loved you. And now it's too late. They'll be angry with you because they know, they know you could have gotten through it. Then they'll be angry with themselves because they may have been able to save you if only they knew.
And one day, one day years from now, they'll remember you. They will all still remember you. The girl that sat up the front of your class; she'll remember you. The bus driver you saw every morning; he'll remember you. That little girl you sat with on the bus once, The kid you leant money to at the shop, all your siblings friends, the people that you dont see, but that see you everyday they will all remember you. And every single one of them will wonder; why?
But imagine your family.
You are part of them. Without you, something is missing. If you killed yourself then part of them dies too. They are incomplete. Every family gathering will be missing something. The photos on the wall are suddenly all cold reminders of what you did.
Who goes through your bedroom? Who cleans out your locker? Who calls the school to tell them one of their students has died? .. Who tells the students? Who calls the funeral directors? Who arranges a coffin for you? Who calls your best friend to tell them you're dead??
Who finds you?
Please, there are other ways out. I know sometimes the struggle is very, very hard. But it's not worth giving up on life. Life is all we have, life is everything. Its the beautiful moments, and the sad ones. Please, don't give up on all those around you. You can make it through.
My teacher said this about her father, who commited suicide: "I understand that the pain is overwhelming, but I will never forgive him for the pain he has caused others. It was just selfish. If you kill yourself you spread the suffering among thousands of people, it doesn't only affect those around you but everyone who has ever come in contact with you."
Please, keep fighting. You can get through this and see that there is life after what you're facing now. It may be hard, but you'll get there, and when you do you will appreciate it so much more. I understand that most people know that suicide effects others, but please keep this in mind if you're ever feeling so low. Give people the chance to help you.
A little angel fell into my arms at the 7th of december 2010
I cnat do it I'm sorry. I know what your saying is meant to make sense but all I can think about is the end and what relief it is. Its meant to be selfish I know but isnt it selfish making me suffer?
My dear ,
Answer my question ARE YOU SURE DEATH WILL BRING YOU RELIEF?
I"m pretty sure no!
Tell me what is happening there that makes you feel this way ?
Why do u feel like this ...
Please tell me
A little angel fell into my arms at the 7th of december 2010
I am sure. Never been surer of anything in my life. I tried in the beginning I really ddi I tried everything to make it go away I even thought it would. I hd hope. Its gone now. Its too bleak and black and heavy. Its time for everyone to give up and let me go
Let me ask you another question ,Can you chose what you can't have?
NO!
death is not a choice you can't chose it .
I've lost hope Can u believe it ? i've trusted it once while i was a kid things will be alright ,things will be alright and it betrayed me ,and my mum died ,
Here i am ,writing to you u'm still breathing ..
What matters is that i fight .
I know you can do it
If i could do it ,you can , it gets hard to breathe sometimes ...But things will be better next time ...
A little angel fell into my arms at the 7th of december 2010
I can chose death I already have. It has to work. Hope is a luxury. Without it, I feel I have no other way. I can't live. Exist maybe but its futile what's the point in staying if only for more pain?
If you are feeling suicidal now, please stop long enough to read this. It will only take about five minutes. I do not want to talk you out of your bad feelings. I am not a therapist or other mental health professional - only someone who knows what it is like to be in pain.
I don’t know who you are, or why you are reading this page. I only know that for the moment, you’re reading it, and that is good. I can assume that you are here because you are troubled and considering ending your life. If it were possible, I would prefer to be there with you at this moment, to sit with you and talk, face to face and heart to heart. But since that is not possible, we will have to make do with this.
I have known a lot of people who have wanted to kill themselves, so I have some small idea of what you might be feeling. I know that you might not be up to reading a long book, so I am going to keep this short. While we are together here for the next five minutes, I have five simple, practical things I would like to share with you. I won’t argue with you about whether you should kill yourself. But I assume that if you are thinking about it, you feel pretty bad.
Well, you’re still reading, and that’s very good. I’d like to ask you to stay with me for the rest of this page. I hope it means that you’re at least a tiny bit unsure, somewhere deep inside, about whether or not you really will end your life. Often people feel that, even in the deepest darkness of despair. Being unsure about dying is okay and normal. The fact that you are still alive at this minute means you are still a little bit unsure. It means that even while you want to die, at the same time some part of you still wants to live. So let’s hang on to that, and keep going for a few more minutes.
Start by considering this statement:
“Suicide is not chosen; it happens
when pain exceeds
resources for coping with pain.”
That’s all it’s about. You are not a bad person, or crazy, or weak, or flawed, because you feel suicidal. It doesn’t even mean that you really want to die - it only means that you have more pain than you can cope with right now. If I start piling weights on your shoulders, you will eventually collapse if I add enough weights... no matter how much you want to remain standing. Willpower has nothing to do with it. Of course you would cheer yourself up, if you could. Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.
When pain exceeds pain-coping resources, suicidal feelings are the result. Suicide is neither wrong nor right; it is not a defect of character; it is morally neutral. It is simply an imbalance of pain versus coping resources.
You can survive suicidal feelings if you do either of two things: (1) find a way to reduce your pain, or (2) find a way to increase your coping resources. Both are possible.
Now I want to tell you five things to think about.
1 You need to hear that people do get through this -- even people who feel as badly as you are feeling now. Statistically, there is a very good chance that you are going to live. I hope that this information gives you some sense of hope.
2 Give yourself some distance. Say to yourself, “I will wait 24 hours before I do anything.” Or a week. Remember that feelings and actions are two different things - just because you feel like killing yourself, doesn’t mean that you have to actually do it right this minute. Put some distance between your suicidal feelings and suicidal action. Even if it’s just 24 hours. You have already done it for 5 minutes, just by reading this page. You can do it for another 5 minutes by continuing to read this page. Keep going, and realize that while you still feel suicidal, you are not, at this moment, acting on it. That is very encouraging to me, and I hope it is to you.
3 People often turn to suicide because they are seeking relief from pain. Remember that relief is a feeling. And you have to be alive to feel it. You will not feel the relief you so desperately seek, if you are dead.
4 Some people will react badly to your suicidal feelings, either because they are frightened, or angry; they may actually increase your pain instead of helping you, despite their intentions, by saying or doing thoughtless things. You have to understand that their bad reactions are about their fears, not about you.
But there are people out there who can be with you in this horrible time, and will not judge you, or argue with you, or send you to a hospital, or try to talk you out of how badly you feel. They will simply care for you. Find one of them. Now. Use your 24 hours, or your week, and tell someone what’s going on with you. It is okay to ask for help. Try:
Teenagers, call Covenant House NineLine, 1-800-999-9999
Look in the front of your phone book for a crisis line
Call a psychotherapist
Carefully choose a friend or a minister or rabbi, someone who is likely to listen
But don’t give yourself the additional burden of trying to deal with this alone. Just talking about how you got to where you are, releases an awful lot of the pressure, and it might be just the additional coping resource you need to regain your balance.
5 Suicidal feelings are, in and of themselves, traumatic. After they subside, you need to continue caring for yourself. Therapy is a really good idea. So are the various self-help groups available both in your community and on the Internet.
Well, it’s been a few minutes and you’re still with me. I’m really glad.
Since you have made it this far, you deserve a reward. I think you should reward yourself by giving yourself a gift. The gift you will give yourself is a coping resource. Remember, back up near the top of the page, I said that the idea is to make sure you have more coping resources than you have pain. So let’s give you another coping resource, or two, or ten...! until they outnumber your sources of pain. Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.
Now: I’d like you to call someone.
A little angel fell into my arms at the 7th of december 2010
Don’t accept it if someone tells you, “that’s not enough to be suicidal about.” There are many kinds of pain that may lead to suicide. Whether or not the pain is bearable may differ from person to person. What might be bearable to someone else, may not be bearable to you. The point at which the pain becomes unbearable depends on what kinds of coping resources you have. Individuals vary greatly in their capacity to withstand pain.
Now, while this page may have given you some small relief, the best coping resource we can give you is another human being to talk with. If you find someone who wants to listen, and tell them how you are feeling and how you got to this point, you will have increased your coping resources by one. Hopefully the first person you choose won’t be the last. There are a lot of people out there who really want to hear from you. It’s time to start looking around for one of them.