Triggering (SI/Sexual Abuse) - 30 days again

blondiebear · 13-02-2008, 05:20 AM

This is the second time since I joined RYL in September that I've had thirty days no SI. This time I don't feel like celebrating. I haven't put a white bead on my bracelet. I just feel resigned. If I keep up this way, i'll run out of beading elastic. I'm back to wondering when the marks will fade and hoping that after spring break I won't have to tape my sleeve down when I teach because i'm allergic to the tape.

I have so much psych work to do, including looking at the last time I SI'd to see what triggered it. I'm having more nightmares too. Most I don't remember but the failing a math class and being lost on school campus is back, differerent math class, different school, same feelings. I've been avoiding the child sexual abuse workbook because it looks like the next chapter is going to be emotional and difficult.

I believe in sharing my experience, strength and hope here at RYL. My experience is that I have 30 days no SI again. My strength is trudging the road in front of me and accepting that there is no miracle. The hope is that the farther away from it I get the less I will want it.

pea soup · 13-02-2008, 07:29 AM

well done on your 30 days. just keep plugging along. you are doing wonderful even if it doesnt feel like it.
much love.
xxxxxxxxxx

flying rain · 13-02-2008, 07:31 AM

Hey, 30 days with no SI is an amazing accomplishment. As long as you realize that, it's fine if you don't want to celebrate or anything.

You have so much more experience than just those 30 days. There won't be a miracle on the road to recovery, granted. I hope as well that you'll be able to pull away from SI (or whatever you want to want less and less) in time..and I think you will.

Lots of hugs to you!