I have realised now that Ive lost control. My cutting used to always be in response to something bad or just something I couldn't deal with at the time. I don't know if it's due to events of this year so far or if it would have happened anyway but I now know I'm addicted to cutting. It's all I think about and given the slightest excuse its what I do. I'm so ashamed. I hate that I do it but I just can't seem to help myself. I always seem to have an excuse for it. I realise this may sound really silly to a lot of you who have actual problems and "reasons" to do what we do but I can't seem to get my head round it all. My partner is currently trying to quit his own addiction(pot) so I know he understands the basic idea, he just doesn't get how one could be so obsessed with harming themself and I feel bad trying to talk to him when he's got enough on his plate already.
So. Here's my admission of guilt.
I have cut on 3 seperate occasions this week. None of whichwere anything bad or triggering, it just kind of hapened because I felt it should at the time. I have the biggest guilt trip just moments after, but I don't know how to stop.
I am an addict.
I need help to quit.
If the only true wisdom lies in knowing that you know nothing, then I must be a f***ing genius
Hey, I don't really have any advice for your, but I just wanted you to know that you're not alone. I used to cut for no real reason too, sometimes even just out of boredom. And like you said, I reached that point after I had been cutting for a while. So anyway, you're not the only one who does it. *hugs*
Laura
"I have found the paradox, that if you love until it hurts, there can be no more hurt, only more love." ~Mother Theresa
I know how it is addictive. Getting into that topic here would be major bad news.
I've been doing it as a way to punish myself and make myself ugly. To make my character defects clear to the world.
I don't know how to help except to say that I'll listen when you want to talk. I'll always have a hug for you.
*gives you a hug*
My husband is my best friend.
In forgiving others, we are not exonerating them. They may not deserve exoneration. Rather, in forgiving others we are giving up our anger over the fact that what happened is not what "should" have happened or that our life is not the way it "should" have been.
I'm sure there are many of us, even most of us who are addicted to this thing...None of us are alone, even though sometimes we may feel as though we are, and if we just take the time to look around to our left, and to our right, we will see others next to us, that have something in common with us...take care, and know that I am here for you, if you ever want to talk.
hey , im an addict to , i have a few more addictions , the list is pretty long so wont bore you with it , even my work is part of my addiction, my adviceis try to find other stuff do to , get out of the cycle the one that only goes in downwrd direction, anything to distract or change the thought process (easier said than done )... i know. even if you can only make smal changes at first, its a step foward all positive things, and if you **** up dont get to hung up about it just move on and look at the next day or goal, try to find things to keep your mind busy, my dogs help me a lot apart from being the cudliest / flumping canines in the world it some that ets the mind out of the cycle , ive failed and relasped many times but the fact that your trying and the days or weeks or even months or years you are succesfull r what counts avoid the negative stuff try to find a postive ... if you relapsed you could think well (random example
) i normally cut 8 to 10 times or drink 3 bottles of wine but today i did only 4 cuts or 1 bottle of wine... etc, set yourself obtainable goals , goood luck , if you need more support you can pm anytime. p
There is an idea of a Patrick Bateman; some kind of abstraction. But there is no real me: only an entity, something illusory. And though I can hide my cold gaze, and you can shake my hand and feel flesh gripping yours and maybe you can even sense our lifestyles are probably comparable... I simply am not there.
SI can be very addictive, due to the endorphins that are released when cutting [amongst other reasons]. 3 years ago I was completely addicted to it, so basically I'm just going to post a list of things I did to get out of the cycle of it.
I am wondering if you have a set time/pattern for cutting. A lot of smokers find it hard to quit [smoking, not cutting!] because they have their routine they get into. A cigarette before lunch, every 2 hours at work, in the car, after dinner etc. If you notice you're doing it at set times of the day, try to arrange another activity to do. Perhaps go to the Cinema one day, go out to dinner with friends, go for a walk. etc etc.
I found the 15 minute game really helpful when I decided to cut down [forgive the pun!]. Basically, when you get the urge to cut, you give yourself 15 minutes. If you still want to do it after 15 minutes, you can, but you can't in those 15 minutes. When you get to the end of the 15 minutes you give yourself a point [I used to have a star chart]. And then start the next 15. I used to say that every time I got 6 points [and therefore lasted an hour and a half! But broken up into 6 segments it doesn't seem as much] I could buy myself a CD, or have a nice relaxing bubble bath, or something. Reward yourself for the good stuff you do, instead of punishing yourself for the bad.
There are a lot of distraction techniques on RYL and the internet, as well as "in real life" [yeah, I know, as if there's a life outside RYL...] that can really help. If you have a favourite TV programme, tape it. Watch it later on in the evening than if you would watch it on TV, and then if you get the urge to hurt yourself you have half hour's distraction readily avaliable to you.
I don't know if you like cooking, or arts/crafts, but that used to really help me too. Or try to learn something new.
I know there was more stuff that I did, but I can't think of it off the top of my head. However, feel free to PM me if you want.
