Triggering (SI) - My father called and ive completely lost it...
so im sitting here replying to threads the best i can and he calls. my brother isnt here. my father acts as if i dont exist but after what aaron said yesterday and then hearing my dads voice i freaked out. i had a terrible flashback. and now ive tried to break my arm only to leave it swollen and bruised, ive busted my lip and knocked 2 teeth loose, and ive busted my eardrum or at least i think i have. its in extreme pain and has crap oozing from it.
yeah...i guess you could say i completely freaked out. i was here alone so no one to scream to or anything and i didnt want to scare my dog either.
so now ive got some injuries that are going to need explaining as my mouth, ear, and arm are killing me. i cant go to the hospital because they will know i did it on purpose and commit me again. if the hospital did any good for me, i would go. but we sit there and watch tv all day and are doled out meds. thats it.
ive called my therapist and told him of what ive done and we may have a phone session later today. im so upset but a bit relieved also. the whole ordeal exhausted me.
and i thought i was getting better???? wtf?? all it took was hearing his voice!!!!
Jesus, I dunno what to say to you Rachel. I feel so worried for you. I think you will need medical attention. Maybe try the first aid folks on here or phone the US equivalent of our NHS direct? I can relate to that, after my freakout last night, though I didn't harm (for once) I have similar strong reactions to my dad, I completely get that, though I imagine yours are worse from what I've picked up here in Vets.
I care about you and want you to be ok. I dunno how much that means but there it is.
*snuggles you*
Hon, you need to get those injuries looked at. I don't know what else to say. I am so sorry you are feeling so bad, hon. Please take care.
Much love.
Alyssa
I'm selfish, impatient, and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I'm out of control, and at times hard to handle, but if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best.
~ Marilyn Monroe
i couldnt get a phone session today as he was booked up...i'll try for tomorrow. my injuries are ok. the arm is sore and bruised but not broken. my teeth are loose but havent fallen out. but my eardrum is perforated, but should heal itself within a week. so....thats about it.
i hope that never happens again. i barely remember any of it.
can't you call your telephone provider and get his number blocked from incoming calls? that way your mom and brother etc can call him but he can't call your house. then you are in control of when you want to speak to him etc. mand x
Mand, South Wales, Full-time working, single mother to 2 scarily independent girls.
I AM A PROUD PLUMERIA SISTER
This is not good Rachel. I know you dont like hospital, hell who would but at least you are safer there.
Please consider all options. you are at risk to yourself.
please take care
matthew xxx
~Phoenix~ is my Little Sister of Awesomeness and Self-Delusion :P Bitter Angel is my Mitten Animad is my Top Trump All Im Living For - Is my beautiful and special daughter who isnt called Kim but will moan if i dont add her :P
"...that incremental suicide of turning your life into a dream, to make being awake as similar to sleep as possible. Drowsily, lazily, dry-mouth your way through the day's ceremonies, fumble your way back into the dew-bather you never really left, draped in brown, brown now all around, the haze!" - Russell Brand on drug addiction.
"Si ma êkh gûndo piyiamásko...ándo bírto barruno. Bírto, bírto barruno."
