I've been posting here all along about the problems with my parents, with my childhood and with my uncle. I've been working at separating from my family over a 1.5 year time.
July 2006 I did not share cake with my parents for my 40th birthday.
In September 2006 I let my parents know that my husband and I would not be spending Christmas with the family. Mom cried out that I was rejecting her just like i had at my birthday. I was not only physically and emotionally breaking away from my parents and sister, I was accepting that the idea of loving family with them had only been an illusion.
In September 2006 I made for myself two bracelets out of Jet, which was used for mourning jewlery in Victorian times. On one of them I alternated the jet with amethyst for serenity and on the other with garnet for anger. Since then I've been wearing shirts in black, grey and purple, traditional colors of mourning.
December 20, 2006 I si'd for the first time in three years.
December 21 2006 my aa sponsor fired me after i had a bout of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, shoving at someone who was trying to hug me as I was in a panic and trying to get away. My sponsor fired me because she feared for my physical safety. I went back to the sponsor I'd had before who was there when it happened and knew I didn't mean to harm the lady who was trying to hug me.
January 2007, my uncle kicked me off his property for saying that I'd heard something my aunt was telling all of the neighbors enough times. I meant that I understood the situation. I was on my way to the turtle pond in their back yard so I could pray for their neighbor until it was time to go and help. He never responded to my letter of apology.
As of Monday Jan 28, it has been a year since my uncle kicked me off his property which was the last of the separations.
On Monday I put the jet bracelets in the jewlery box where I keep my holiday stuff. If I want, if I lose a family member or friend, I can take them out again.
My AD's are really starting to work after months of experiments and changes.
Today for the first time in a long time I wanted to wear something bright. I pulled out an obnoxiously bright green T-shirt. I put a berry pink paisley overshirt/sunshirt over it.
I probably won't give up wearing black sometimes. As it turns out I look good in it.
I still have a lot of work to do. I have 2/3 of a workbook on overcoming childhood sexual abuse to go through.It isn't long until my father's birthday and i'll have to decide about sending a gift or card. My cat is 18.5 years old, senile and starting to not yet fail but fade. I know I'll have bad days. It hasn't been long since I SI'd. I still have to tape down the sleeve of my shirt when I teach. There is a new word I want to use too. I'll still be here asking for help!
I'm done with my year of grieving and mourning. Today I want to feel the warmth of the sun on my face instead of hiding away from it.
THANK YOU!!!
