Training bad kissers (don't read if kissing bothers you)

Seraphsigh · 02-01-2008, 08:57 PM

So first some background:
I haven't had a boyfriend in forEVER because I'm extremely picky and otherwise completely cut off from the outside world :). Anyway, turns out I found one. We share so many interests and personality traits, he's extremely cute, and he likes spicy curry (that about cinched it). The only problem is that he's a TERRIBLE kisser. Well, for me, anyway. Usually, this would be enough for me to not call him anymore (I know, picky) but this time I'd like to find a way to keep him.

This part is anatomically graphic (mouth parts):

How do I do that? I have no idea. I already started by telling him to please not make his tongue occupy all of my mouth space. Then we discussed rhythm. I still dislike it though. Very slobbery. Very messy. Very icky. He's a musician too, but it's like he can't count. :)
He seems okay with me bossing him around, but I need a more definitive plan. Has anyone had any prior experience with this? I'd take an entertaining story instead of advice. :)

xoxoxo

02-01-2008, 09:24 PM

Ah, training bad kissers. Nothing more fun.

Tell him "More lip, less tongue"

And just lead by example.

Hahahaha, at least you get the fun of training him :D

The first guy I ever kissed (god, what a waste) seemed like he was trying to taste the back of my throat. It was horrible. My god. AND he tasted like corn (I cant STAND corn, btw)

But after a little while, I got him to stop choking me and start kissing me. I couldn't believe it though. He was my first kiss and I was giving him lessons. Man oh man.

He was impressed and I spent the rest of year ten trying to live it down :p

griddlebone · 02-01-2008, 09:46 PM

oh i have no help im afraid but at least hes not licking around your mouth dog style like my ex :p

Nat · 02-01-2008, 10:42 PM

No idea but good luck and let us know how it goes :P

Papercut · 02-01-2008, 11:21 PM

Ah how loving

XD young love

aha

sorry its not really funny. but i find it too tempting to make a joke of it. like my dear old bat of a mother always said, you either laugh or youll cry.
But in your case it may seem choke :|

battlekitten · 02-01-2008, 11:41 PM

I think vulnerome has a good idea, start slow, like don't go into full on snogging. Perhaps make a game where her is sort of not allowed to kiss you, like he can only respond a little bit and not really really kiss you back. That way it might make him slow down and also show him what feels nice.

griddlebone · 03-01-2008, 12:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vulnerome

^ ew, that sounds traumatic Liv.

it reeeeally was.we were in the pub and i leaned in to kiss him and he started LICKING my face. some people need to watch more romantic films,no one kisses like that in RomComs!xx

battlekitten · 03-01-2008, 12:44 AM

^ EWW oh I hope he got better :S

Spookshow Baby · 03-01-2008, 12:59 AM

LOL. My ex was THE worst. I was about 14 and we were together for about two months but MY GOD he was THE worst kisser. Like one time, we were at his house and it was all romantic. We were watching a film with the fire lit and eating snacks and laying together. Then he ate a crisp, half chewed it and swallowed some, but not all. He then took me by surprise and stuck his tongue in my mouth. It was covered in crisps and I wanted to throw up. He was a bad kisser anyway (big mouth and too much tongue) but that just made it even worse.
His only saving grace was that he WAS romantic and he had a big willy. (No, I didn't sleep with him, just played.) Hahahaha.

Seraphsigh · 03-01-2008, 01:10 AM

Hahahahaha! Thanks for the advice, ladies. I KNEW I'd get some good stories out of that! I like the idea of starting slowly...we'll see what happens :p
I want more stories!!

D'Arcy

Mandimoo · 03-01-2008, 01:13 AM

tell him you're playing a game. where he's not allowed to kiss you, but you can kiss him. show him exactly how you want to be kissed. then ask him to try to copy you exactly.

the other trick is to do exactly what he does and when he complains just say 'sorry i thought you were into that because you do it to me every time'.
mand x

Seraphsigh · 03-01-2008, 01:18 AM

Ha! That's a good one. If only you could use it for every facet of a relationship.

griddlebone · 03-01-2008, 01:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by battlekitten

^ EWW oh I hope he got better :S

ha ha.you think i kissed him ever again?! i have no idea about now, he probably is fantastic now!

blondiebear · 03-01-2008, 02:01 AM

I got to teach my husband how to kiss. At one time when we were dating it seemed like every time we went to kiss each other at the end of a date the city police helicopter had to hover overhead for a bit.

I make a point of kissing him goodbye in the morning. No matter how busy or upset we might be it is a way of...I dunno, can't find the words...keeping in touch, making sure he knows I care and reminding us of what's important.

battlekitten · 03-01-2008, 04:25 PM

That's really sweet blondie

Also, what is it about blokes and ramming their tongue in your mouth? Geez, makes me glad I switched to the other team

03-01-2008, 09:36 PM

Haha, nice battlekitten. You're not off the mark, on average, girls are better kissers then boys, though I have kissed some boys that have been amazing kissers.

Oh, that reminds me, I actually gave a friend of mine kissing lessons one night. She had the problem of being to... rapid with her kissing technique so, in front of her soon to be boyfriend, i taught her how to be slower and more sensual with her kissing. She was happy for the lessons (and the making out) and he was happy for the show and i walked away knowing I had made the world a better place. :D

Seraphsigh · 04-01-2008, 07:07 AM

*puckers up*
:)

I too have found girls to be much better kissers...but alas, it's a boy this time!
He's coming back next week. Hopefully he's practiced and by then I'm sure I will have compiled the perfect plan of attack...with your help, of course.
xoxoxoxo

04-01-2008, 08:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by vulnerome

I would just like to confess that I am useless at kissing and badly need some lessons.

:P

*sigh* its a hard life. Pucker up sweetlips

04-01-2008, 08:14 AM

Practiced how exactly, without you... do you REALLY hope he has practiced

he doesnt have a dog, does he?

Sephy · 04-01-2008, 08:28 AM

I once knew a guy so hot he was beautiful, and actually really intelligent too.
His name was Joe.
I lusted after him for a while, and when we finally did kiss, it was as if he had lost his watch in my stomach and was prepared to fight tooth, tounge and nail to eradicate my face, open up my throat and retrieve his god damn time timepiece.
When I deflatedly relayed the slobberly affair to a friend, she began to laugh and said 'Sloppy Joe'
<3
x.