Triggering (SI/Abuse) - 8 Years. I Need Help. (Suicide)
I just posted this on Ranting/Venting but I need replies; please.
Tonight reminds me so much of that year 8 years ago.
The all night parties while I was lay in my room crying because you'd hit me, screamed at me, used me to amuse your friends by degrading me in whatever way.
I didn't think it had affected me but now you're downstairs, with your friends, drinking and partying. I'd normally be okay but it's bought all the memories back.
I cant run away this time because I have no where to go. I stayed at Nan and Granddads for 18 months through all that and the time after; I hated you. Tonight, I hate you again.
I want to cry and slash up my body. I want to get so drunk that I pass out and never wake up. Or at least drunk enough that I can hate everything enough to cut so deep that you wont be able to save me in your drunken state.
You wouldn't even care. You wouldn't find me until the morning by which time it would be too late.
I wish 'she' was here. She knows who she is. I love her so much, more than you'll ever know. More than I've ever loved my sister. I worry when she doesn't contact me for a day, I cry when she leaves me or I leave her. I smile when she texts me or comes on MSN. More than I ever have with anyone else.
Please, let her come to me. I want to leave everything behind. I mean EVERYTHING.
I give up.
It's all too hard.
I've tried fighting and I can't. I'm not strong enough now or ever.
I'm sorry, but I dont think I'm going to last tonight; much as I try.
They're all really drunk and singing and swearing really loud now it's bringing back even more memories. I'm sat in my room crying. I've got things around me that are making me even less safe; I dont know what to do. I need to get out of here but it's 11 o clock and I have no where to go. I dont know what to do. I need help. PLEASE.
Last edited by Strawberry.Bananas : 15-12-2007 at 11:58 PM.
Reason: Grammar Error
Baby, please stay safe! I know how these kind of things feel. Leave where you are. You have the power to just get out, especially when you are in a place that is potentially dangerous. Do you have a friend close by? Go to them. Or walk to a close store. Since it's late, bring someone with you or make sure to be very careful, staying in well lit areas and not going far. But please, get yourself to where you feel safe.
Stay strong, sweetie. And once you get somewhere safe, please port so that we know you're okay, please.
Sending prayers and good vibes your way. <3
Every day of our lives, want to find you there, want to hold on tight. <3
Those who like, find excuses. Those who love, find a way.
~
Live up to your own potential instead of imitating someone elses.
Of course it's effecting you, and it's hurting so bad. You were abused and this still haunts you. Try not to give him power still by hurting yourself more. And you owe it to yourself to make sure you get some emotional support through this.
Oh sweety *big hug*
like lovely dramatic said, get out at go to a friends.
You always have support here when you need it hun.
Please stay safe, we all care about you!
I know you don't feel strong right now, but you are!
Keep us updated hun,
*BIG BIG BIG HUG*
Sarah
xxxxx
You see a mouse trap
I see free cheese
And a ****ing challenge
Thank you everyone, I'm sorry I couldn't follow your advice and ended up in hospital but your support has been so much appreciated and helped me to come through.
It's strange to know people care even when they don't know you and it helps you fight. Well, me anyway.
My friend has been looking in on here and passing on your messages.
You're all amazing, thank you. And thank you especially to Abbie (? lovely_dramatic) for her PM.
