Triggering (Abuse) - three months

[blondiebear]

Today I have three months free of SI. Yesterday I remade my bracelet, changing out an orange bead for a third white one.

I'm excited and nervous and scared. I don't trust it to last this time even though the desire to injure has eased. I don't know when things will become overwhelming again and I'll be off.

I am doing a lot. As I think about the abuse I suffered I refer to my parents by their first names, to give it distance and perspective. Last weekend another wave of pain washed over me, about why wasn't I good enough to deserve food and to eat. My sister-in-law was over so we kinda wept together. As I remember things, I can put them in perspective and take the pain out of the memories.

My hands are shaking from my AD's and from nervousness. Nervousness because I gave daddy-friend some info about SI excerpts from an article from an online encyclopedia and the front page and forum lists from here because he asked about what I was getting from this site. He seemed interested in the stuff last night when I gave it to him.

My hands are bad enough that I have to work very carefully to keep my writing legible. My husband will have to do our holiday cards this year. fortunately the shaking is worse in the afternoon and less in the morning so I can plan some of my work around that. I have to alter and re-draft a sleeve pattern but I can do that in the morning and work carefully.
I've had to use my emergency asthma inhaler and one of its side effects is that it is a stimulant. I'm going back on my maintainence inhaler for a while.

I see my psychaitrist on Monday Dec 17. I've already made a list of things I want to talk to her about. Shaking hands is at the top of the list.

I'm excited and nervous and cautious. I can not and will not take this long since SIing for granted.

Thanks to all of you for your help. I'd like to hug everyone here.
Hugs all around!

[Pomegranate]

Congratulations!! That is an amazing achievement and you should be so proud! *hugs* xxx

[Seraphsigh]

Oy. Did you say before that you were on Wellbutrin? If not, whoops. But damn, I've got bad tremors from that, but the benefit outweighs the problem, even if it takes me hours to make reeds!! But paired with a stimulant? Oy again. Poor thing.
But THREE MONTHS!!! That's incredible. You ROCK.
I am soooo proud of you, and hope that you continue to be safe and continue to build your trust of sharing with daddy-friend.

Love,

D'Arcy

[sparklyshoes]

you have done really well, keep it up! For yourself xx

[blondiebear]

Yeah, I take wellbutrin. So I can understand how difficult it must be to make reeds. Even with my hands shaking i'm doing okay with sewing. It is writing and crocheting that can be difficult.
Hopefully once I get enough of the daily maintainence asthma med in my system I won't need to use the emergency inhaler. It is kinda like ADs, it takes a while to build up to theraputic levels.

I have a character defect that is kicking me black and blue. It scares the spit out of me. I worry that's what may trigger me into my next SI.

I can not take this for granted!

[*Gothic*Angel*]

*hugs*
well done sweetie for getting to three months.
thats an amazing acheivement.
i am so so so proud of you.

lots of loving hugs
lisa xx

[eeyore86]

Congratulation, *dances and hands you a 3 month medal!*

Keep up the good work hun, I know how hard it is.

Mwa

Big huggles and much love
Mary
xxxx

[pea soup]

im really happy for you Susan.
that is great news!!!!!
much love.
xxxxxxxxx

[crazykat]

Congratulations on reaching your three month mark. Hope it went ok with your pyschiatrist.

[Cazki]

Well done on 3 months free.You should be so proud of your self. I hope that things continue this way.

All the best Ian xxxxx