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Fighting addiction & depression at the same time
Hi all, new to this forum. I came here in hope to find good advice from people who have went through a similar experience.
I have been addicted to marijuana ever since I first used it at the age of 15. Been smoking on and off ever since. My life definitely revolves around this drug. After many years, I came to conclusion that I have anxiety and by smoking weed I am able to mask my social anxiety and other related anxiety issues. As a teenager, I didn’t notice this, all I understood was that this drug would make me happy and careless. Now at 22, I use cannabis to free my mind of daily issues which I can’t seem to get over.
As I grew up, until just a few weeks ago, I wanted to become a musical artist and tour the world. I’ve been at it for 5 years and can say I’m getting very close to my goals but as I grow older, I now realize that I don’t need or want the attention that comes with this career. After reviewing many interviews and analyzing various celebrities, I came to conclusion that this lifestyle was not for me. This is where the depression comes in. I think I have been depressed for 2-3 years now, knowing deep down that this career path I chose was not for me. I got all my friends and family to support me, now not only am I breaking my own heart by seeing my dreams fade away, but my peers will also feel sad for me and try to tell me to stay in that path when I know it’s not for me. I still somehow want it because I’ve been at it for so long, and I believe I’m pretty talented, but I hate the music industry and the amount of attention a “successful” person gets.
With these two problems combined, my life feels pointless. I have an amazing family, friends and girlfriend with an awesome job but can’t seem to find hapiness in these things, anymore. Sometimes I think about running away, burning all my ids and starting over somewhere in the wild. Sometimes I feel like this is not my place and that people are the ones causing my depression and that I would be far better off alone knowing that I owe nothing to anybody.
I no longer want to struggle in my career and wait for every paycheck, but at the same time I don’t want to have a boss and work 9-5 monday-friday. I know for a fact that I’m more efficient when working on my own and all the freelance stuff don’t buy shelter and food. I’m stuck in a loop of WTF should I do.
I obviously want to avoid running away, and I would like to live a happy life and appreciate what I have. I’d love some advice on how I could approach these situations with a different perspective. I know I need a new “hobby” or a new “meaning” to my life, but I just can’t find enough motivation for it.
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