How do you make friends as a socially inept 'adult'

[Doikers]

I'm 35
My Only IRL friend is moving away and neither of us drive due to a combination of MH issues and Meds.

She is the only Friend I have had IRL in 18 years.

We met in a psychiatric ward in 2008.

In year 7 at school I was bullied (Aged 11) So I refused to attend school therefore not actually developing any social skills.

I really don't know how to meet people and I am so desperate.

My last Locums advice was "to get out there and stop drinking" The guy is sodding clueless . Getting out in this town means drinking, there simply is nothing else to do , I'm too old for the youth club and too young to join a seniors club. The church does a cheap meal nigh every fortnight but the food is never veggie and I am. I have used up or been abandoned by every support network.

People cross the street to avoid me , I'm Large , 6"1 and X stone.

I'm getting thoughts about harming others but am reluctant to tell a MH worker as they would punish me.

I am pissed off . All . the . time.

I hate my life.

I hate Myself.

[Kahlia1981]

Firstly *hugs* big brother. You've had it pretty hard for quite a while now. Alcohol is one of the hardest drugs to quit. Obviously I can't really speak for the UK having only been there for two weeks both in 1994 and 1998 but in Australia there are billboards and advertising everywhere you go, including the supermarket, advertising alcohol, not to mention all over the television and visible everywhere in pretty much every sporting type activity. This may seem a weird question to ask, but are there AA (Alcoholics Anonymous) meetings anywhere near you? My husband had a massive drinking problem and was able to use them to get sober. If there is a meeting somewhere close to you maybe you could go? Even without saying anything at all you might get an idea of it will help you. That would also get you out of the house, even just for a couple of hours. My husband's only warning is not to make it general knowledge that you're on psych meds because some of the real old school AA members believe you shouldn't be taking anything at all, but the newer thinking members say not to come of meds if they keep you alive or sane. Just a thought and as I said I don't even know if there would be one around you.

With regards to your weight, I do confess that I had to use Google to do the conversion, I fully get you. When I went on olanzapine I just ballooned out and every time I tried to take myself off the drug my parents forced me back on it - the pains of starting psych meds while still a teenager living at home and I went from far too skinny - but what do you expect from an anorexic - to an extremely obese weight before my parents and doctors agreed it was the meds and allowed me to come off them. It took about five years of being off that drug before I was able to lose any weight and it's been a very slow process. Today I weigh less and my psych knows that if a drug starts to make me gain weight I will immediately stop taking it and email him. Unfortunately it is a very long, slow and frustrating journey regardless but I've managed to lose the weight and dropped massively in dress size.

Sorry I went off on a tangent there. I don't know what, if any, psych meds you are on but they could be contributing as may your mood. One thing most people don't realise is that alcohol is completely full of sugar so that may be a contributing factor also.

I can understand why you're angry and, to some extent, why you would feel like harming other people. I'm not quite sure what you meant by the doctors punishing you, being sectioned?

No matter what big brother I am here for you. If you'd like, and have Skype or something and you'd like to chat either with me, or with my husband - he's happy to have a chat and also happy to talk with you about AA if you're at all interested - I'm sure we can work something out with the difference in time zones.

*massive hugs* and ......... *glimpse*

[Doikers]

*Glomps Kahlia* Thank You Hun , I may well take you up on the Skypeing offer :)

I am on Olanzapine as well . Years ago I was briefly in rehab , I went for the assessment and was told I would be allowed my meds but when I rocked up they took them all off me and as I was on 5 different psych meds it took about 2 days for me to flip out and they kicked me out , without my meds , they were an AA based place, I simply don't trust AA but shall Google my area to see if there is one here.

I'll see your glimpse and raise you a *Glurp*

[Kahlia1981]

Thanks for the glomp big brother. Always here for you.

My husband asked me to give you these web addresses to help you see if there's an AA meeting anywhere near you.

General: www.alcoholics-anonymous.co.uk
- If you click Members on the navigation bar, choose your area which will give you local information about general AA activity in your area
- or click AA Meetings, click the link that says "find a meeting", this gives you a map under which you type to find where local meetings are held.

AA Online, for the AA Big Book: www.aa.org
- Search the site with the search string " the big book online".
They also have a mobile version on the main website.

I hope at least some of that is helpful.

[Doikers]

Thanks to you both Kahlia and Mr Kahlia ;)

[Kahlia1981]

Lol. He's able to Skype, chat, whatever now. Just PM me.

[Doikers]

Sorry Kahlia , I'm not really feeling up to face to face talking atm , I'm not sure I've even got Skype on this machine but I'll look into it at some point ,I'm not feeling crash hot and trying not to dwell on my depression as that tends to make it worse . Also am super Anxious about meeting my SW tomorrow as have yet to have any contact with him since last year . Eep!

[Kahlia1981]

That's all cool Mark. Anything like that is always going to be on your terms. Wow, that's quite a long time between now and the last time you saw your SW. I hope it goes well.

[Serendipity.]

How did it go with your social worker Mark?

I hope you're doing okay.

[Doikers]

It was Okay thanks , However he couldn't give me another appointment as his workload is so packed , they've been letting people go at the CMHT for years and not replacing them , So , yeah . . . . .

Seeing as the only reason I've wanted to stay in this town was that my IRL friend is here I'm thinking about trying to move back to the village where my folks , Sister, Bro-in-law , Niece and Nephew live..

[Bellatrix]

I can really empathis on the whole meeting new people front. I find it really hard too. I can talk t people and generally do when I'm out with friends but I struggle to meet new people in my area and generally all my friends live far away. I only have a couple in London.

Are there any groups you could join? I know near me they run a gardening group and pottery courses - maybe you could look into something like that. There's also a community center that I've never been to. Also Mind tend to run day centers and stuff so you might be able to find one in your area?

[Doikers]

Thanks For your response Bellatrix , There really are no clubs here , I have looked into it , the cyber cafe closed , the snooker club closed , they are trying to close the library as well and the volunteer beuro is gone.
There is a mind day centre but apart from making me feel VERY uncomfy and an outsider ( it's very clicy ) and basically being forced to go there my a former worker who sat with me for 20-30 minutes then said 'lets leave' and advised me that I shouldn't go back , people who SI and have done so in the past show their scars and wounds , and that triggers the Flying **** out of me. There really is no place for me in this town , It's a rural town , nothing but a few small villages for about 25 minutes drive away , and I don't drive. Also Anxiety prevents me from taking public transport or using the phone . ( Seriously , I could not even get a bus to the hospital when my Dad had his Heart attack , I waited around for my Bro-In-Law's shift to end for 4-5 hours to get a ride . . . .

I Need to get a Flat/Bungalow/Whatever is my old Village. then at least I'd have Family about.

[Kahlia1981]

From the way you've been writing Mark it really does seem that a move back to your old village would be a positive step. Part of the decision to move is always knowing you would be leaving your support system behind bit from what I have read you don't really have a support system where you are that you wouldn't be happy to leave behind, for the most part anyway. Why don't you look into it and see what your old village has in terms of possible supports, clubs or groups you might be interested in as well as the cost of renting somewhere and of moving? Knowing what is available there might help make the decision. Having family near by that you seem to have a positive relationship with would help add to your support system as well.

[Doikers]

Thanks , Kahlia , Fact is as the village I need to live in is in the same county as my current town my support system would not change. Also as my County ( Powys ) has such a poor record with MH issues the MH service here are being controlled by Gwent ( And they wonder why no-one wants to work for them ) . There is now 1 Consultant Psychiatrist in the whole county ( Including Child Services ) and Powys is the biggest county in England and Wales . . . . it is not a good place and time to need MH Support .

[talaiporia]

You've probably heard it before but have you thought about volunteering ? I volunteer and there are lots of equally weird people as me and everyone gets on because I think that people who are spending all their free time volunteering are probably looking for social interaction.

[Kahlia1981]

Wow. There really does seem to be a severe lack of MH support throughout your region. One consultant psychiatrist for the county really doesn't sound positive and from what you've said above the locum psychiatrists that they get in aren't helpful either. It is bad enough having a MH issue or disorder without the added stress of not having a stable psychiatrist.