Confused and hurting

[LittleCloud]

This year has been very hard with my partner. He has been working on his honours at uni and struggling with depression and debt and I've struggled heavily with anxiety and depression as I've gone into recovery for an eating disorder. To begin with, he told me he did not feel our relationship working. Things got very hard- he said what I was doing to my body was not attractive; his moods were also all over the place and we started sleeping in separate beds. We went through weeks when he wouldn't even speak to me. I can't say my behaviour was perfect but I was so confused- I didn't know what to do. We have been together 8 years. Through a huge amount of work he said we would try again just over month ago. I gave him a replacement engagement ring as our house had been broken into over the course of this year and his ring stolen. I had given my ring back to him when he told me he didn't feel our relationship anymore. I told him to give it back when he felt it was right. Things were just starting to work until a couple of weeks ago. He went for some job interviews out of town and yesterday came home after the interviews. He told me he wanted a fresh start with these jobs. He said he wanted to go alone. There was no real warning and I am hurting so much. There is so much I haven't had a chance to say. He is out and will be back and we will have dinner together. I want to talk about a proper trial living apart to see if this helps. I don't know if this is abuse exactly but I'm hurting and just needed to get it out

[Uglyducklin]

I'm so sorry that sounds awful. How are you doing today? Xx

[LittleCloud]

Hurting a lot and feeling very anxious. It is a friendly break, but I have never been in this position before this year. I have never been in a relationship or really had any experience with anyone other than my partner and that makes me feel vulnerable. He says we both need to work on our mental health then who knows? I just cannot know until then

[Uglyducklin]

I'm sorry that sounds awful. I am here to listen. X

[LittleCloud]

It's so hard to know what is right to do. Whether things might work when we are in a better space. How close or far to sit from him. There is still some physicSl contact. A handhold can mean a lot. I just wish I knew