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Anxiety's really playing up.. *Hypochondriasis Trigger*
Hey guys,
I know that there was a support post made for me the other day, & I'm sorry that there seems to be so much space taken up with me at the moment, but I could really do with some more specific support & hopefully some advice.
I'll give you a bit of background..
I suffer from (undiagnosed) anxiety. It mainly stems from a fear of being ill and/or dying, and is also known as 'hypochondriasis'.
When I'm anxious, I become very edgy & need a fair amount of reassurance. I can sometimes do this reassuring myself, but once my anxiety becomes bad (or what I see as bad - for me anyway), I need someone who knows me & my situation, etc. Generally, this is done by Dani (my fiancee) & in the past, Sarah (plastic roses - one of my friends who has suffered from this form of anxiety herself).
If I get a pain, basically anywhere in my body, if I'm anxious or sensitive (and often if I'm not..) then I'll interpret it as something much worse than just a random pain. Example: I have a headache. Instead of thinking of it as a normal headache due to.. I don't know, dehydration, too much time on the PC, whatever.. I'll think of it as a brain tumour/brain haemmorage (sp?) or something equally life-threatening.
& to be honest, it's pretty damn hard to live like that. Most people get what, a few random pains every day? Imagine if you thought you were dying/seriously ill on a fair few of these occassions..
I constantly check my pulse, press my stomach (appendix check), deliberately become hyper-sensitive to my body's sensations just so that I can check that nothing hurts or is uncomfortable, etc. It gets pretty tiring. And of course, doing these things can, in themselves, make me feel anxious. If I think that my heartbeat's a bit fast, I'll get anxious. If something slightly hurts (especially if it's my chest or left arm), I'll panic.
And of course, when I go into panic mode, my heartbeat races due to the adrenaline (not that I interpret it as that), I start to get random pains, pins and needles, feeling sick, getting lightheaded.. & other things. & these things just Do Not Help when the first thing I was worried about was being ill! The body is incredibly clever, but sometimes it just doesn't help..!
It's becoming really hard to live my life normally, to just be able to function.. When anxiety's around. I'm basically having complete breakdowns about twice a week at the moment.
I've suffered from depression in the past & in my experience, nothing has compared to how I feel when I'm in a full blown anxiety attack. Nothing has ever made me feel so suicidal or stressed. I'd rather sit an A level every day to be quite honest.
Anxiety is REALLY playing up at the moment. I'm having regular anxiety attacks & not being able to focus, not being able to go out (or even stay in with other people) socially as much as I'd like (I'm a first year at uni for crying aloud!).. And sometimes when I do go out socially, I'll end up coming back because of anxiety.
I just really don't know what to do at the moment. I'm at a dead end.
I should be starting to see a student counsellor starting very soon, so hopefully that can help, but I don't hold out much hope because of their counselling style.
I'm sorry this was so long, I do realise that I probably won't get more than 2 replies.
Thank you SO MUCH if you've bothered to read all of this.
Luce x
Last edited by Accidentally Abstract : 31-10-2007 at 03:29 AM.
Reason: Adding a detail
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