I cannot do this. All I've done for the last few days is cry. My self harm has got a lot worse in the past few weeks. I have a notebook of ways to end my life and stuff with prices and where to purchase things I need. All I can think about it death. I crave it. I want peace. In death I find peace.
People have shown me there true colours hitting me in the face giving me a nose bleed only wanting to know me for money or to use my phone. I actually started to think not all men are bad. I was so wrong. I told my bf about being hit and he wanted to kill the person who done it. He knocked on my door tonight I was terrified I don't know why.
I've struggled with my weight for years. Comforting eating, being strict with what I have. I've contemplated making myself sick after. Which is a big thing for me as I have phobia of being sick. Anything to stop being like this.
I have debts I can't pay. When I feel really bad and harming myself isn't enough I go shopping to cheer myself up it doesnt help after tho
I constantly think about death and overdosing.
I can't fight any of this any more.
.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. ~ Girl Interrupted
When you dont want to feel, death seems like a dream. ~ Girl Interrupted
Hi there, it's been so long since we've last talked, you probably don't even remember. But I'm really sorry that you're still struggling with things. Have you tried telling anyone else other than your bf about being hit? I understand why you would be terrified, having everyone else turn out to be someone other than who you thought they were certainly would lead to some fear. But it's important that you stay open with him as you seem to be doing so that you can be sure of where he stands and who he is. If those people aren't doing anything good for you, then it's best you let them out of your life. Sending lots of love and support~
"I Desire The Things Which Will Destroy Me In The End"
-Sylvia Plath
Hmm I told my counsellor, support worker and best mate.
I'm trying my best to avoid the guy. It's hard when we live in the same house. He's always around. A big row happened at night between him and his friends and they aren't talking. So now he wants to talk to Me.
I don't know what to do any more. I honestly just want to die. I'm do e with life. Too many thoughts. Too many tears.
I'm trying to not keep stuff from my boyfriend. I dnt want him to worry about me. Or let him know how bad I feel. I have to face it on my own. I deserve to.
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. ~ Girl Interrupted
When you dont want to feel, death seems like a dream. ~ Girl Interrupted
You do NOT deserve to go through this on your own. Everyone has the right to help, support, love, compassion and just to be heard. Even prisoners on death row don't have to go things alone.
I can relate to you in so many ways. The weight issues, sickness phobia, debts and shopping, I really feel for you.
You said you have a counsellor, are you able to tell them how desperate you feel? It may help just to get it out of your head so things are a bit clearer and less overwhelming.
Is your bf supportive? It sounds like you trust him, could you maybe share a bit with him? I've been terrified in the past about telling someone I care about how bad I feel but trust me its easier than hiding it from them.
Its good that you've posted on here; something inside you isn't ready to give up as you are reaching out. That's a positive thing. You may not see it, but please keep posting and say how you're feeling.
It worries me that you've got ideas and plans and price lists etc you seem to have thought about this quite deeply. I really think you need to tell your counsellor that you need some more help and support, it would be so sad if anything happened to you and maybe just sharing a bit of this with one person may make things just a little easier to bear.
I guess I could tell my counsellor. I don't want a talk to anyone anymore.
Sounds so pathetic. My shower doesn't work right I've reported it so many times. To be told today that no one is gonna look at it because it's fine. Support worker had a look and reluctantly agreed it wasn't right. I'm sure they had a brilliant laugh at my expense. Lesson learnt I mustn't say anything.
I don't wanna tell my bf he has too much to worry about already.
I'm sooo ready to die. I don't wanna live anymore. I crave to be dead to feel nothing to be nothing
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. ~ Girl Interrupted
When you dont want to feel, death seems like a dream. ~ Girl Interrupted
I know you think your boyfriend has too much to worry about, and maybe he does, but I'm sure he's willing to make time for you. If he cares about you like I hope he does, then he's not going to consider you an extra burden. Besides, it would crush him to know that you're going through all of this alone and that you didn't come to him. The people who love you are more hurt by you not coming to them, than you actually coming to them.
"I Desire The Things Which Will Destroy Me In The End"
-Sylvia Plath
..ok this is all im going to say .. i love your life ! please look in the mirror and see yourself as a lovely person , who does not need to die maybe you can help others by getting better and then you can find happiness , you seem very intelligent , a very good planner , life wil get better , im telling myself that everyday , please be well be safe . have heart have hope!
when I see myself in your eyes I just want to go blind
"I don't need your retribution , I don't need your absolution "
It wont give up it wants me dead god damn this voice inside my head
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. ~ Girl Interrupted
When you dont want to feel, death seems like a dream. ~ Girl Interrupted
It just doesn't matter. I don't wanna live. I don't know what to say when staff ask me what can they do to help me. I really wish I had the answer coz extra help would be useful. What should I say? No one takes me seriously. I don't matter
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. ~ Girl Interrupted
When you dont want to feel, death seems like a dream. ~ Girl Interrupted
I've been waiting months for the CMHT to arrange appointment but they haven't.
Altho staff have my pills I really wanna go out buy some and od and die. I want to die. I'm just not gonna ask for help I can't keep asking staff here. Once it hits half 4 they do not wanna help they go home to there perfect lives and sometimes no one here for 48 hours.
Dying g is the easy way out. I'm just a pathetic person
Desperate to die
I know what it's like to want to die. How it hurts to smile. How you try to fit in but you can't. How you hurt yourself on the outside to try to kill the thing on the inside. ~ Girl Interrupted
When you dont want to feel, death seems like a dream. ~ Girl Interrupted
