Anxiety from past bullying situations

LittleCloud · 16-12-2013, 12:34 PM

Over the past few months (but it seems to be getting worse in the past few days) I have been insanely anxious almost all of the time. I've been bullied through many situations- all through my family life, by friends, at work not to mention the assault by my sister in law and everything at the moment seems to invoke anxiety. Even when I am not being bullied, so often I am just so critical of myself it is as though I have built my own internal bullies. I obsess over getting things right, frightened that I will hurt people or I will get it wrong. I am talking with my counsellor a lot about these things- we are working to challenge the 'voices' which criticise my every turn but the effort taken to get through each day is crazy and there is still so much happening. I'm just exhausted. Any suggestions on how to get through would be great

Buttons. · 17-12-2013, 01:10 AM

One thing which can help is to give yourself space to relax each and every day, even if it's only 15 minutes, try to relax whichever way works for you e.g a nice bath, relaxing music, or even just a cup of tea. It's all about nurturing yourself and accepting and understanding that you deserve nurturing, and to be nice to yourself. It also might be worth when in a better frame of mind to write down qualities you like about yourself, or that others like about you to refer to to reassure yourself when the negative thoughts/voices start up. Hang in there. You are so much stronger than the bullies. The fact that they need to bully anybody shows their own weakness.

Daria89 · 17-12-2013, 09:05 AM

you can't do things perfect all the time! some of the best people I know mess up 8437563 times more than you do! they just learn their lesson and move on. There's no such thing as failure for them, only eperiences and results. It's perfectly fine to make mistakes. If you stop going too hard on yourself you take away an enormous chunk of negative energy out of your life. So don't be afraid, it's fine, I promise.
Next time you feel like you're being too critical of yourself, you should say this to yourself: "it's fine, it's not the end of the world, no one's gonna hate you for this, you haven't done anything wrong, people make mistakes all the time. I proud of you for doing this, this and that, I'm proud of you for taking this little step", like a mother would say to her child (sounds a bit wierd but it works :) ) or like you would say to your best friend. Say it in a kind, loving voice. It might feel a little bit awkward at the beginning, but it's ok just keep practicing.

Don’t say something to yourself that you wouldn’t say to a friend. Don't speak to yourself like you're your worst enemy.
That's how you build Self Esteem (the real kind).

Try not to focus on all the negative stuff, (yeah I know it's easier to say than to do), make an effort to shift your attention off obsessing over all the bad things in your life (we all have them), focus on all the good stuff instead!
You keep your focus on bullies and being miserable - you end up having more of it. What you seek you shall find.
Stay strong, you deserve to be happy xx

LittleCloud · 17-12-2013, 12:43 PM

Thanks to you both. Buttons- thanks I do try to build things I enjoy (at the moment gardening, when I have energy) into my day. Self-nurturing can be quite painful at the moment as I am trying to challenge my eating disorder and feeling the kickback, particularly tonight after a big counselling session. I'll hang in as much as I can- that's always been a strong point for me even if I can't do much else.
Daria- thanks for your comments. Lol- I'm a disability support worker and a HUGE offender when it comes to things I wouldn't say to others being said and done to myself. I'm trying, and some days are better than others. Often I can make a few hours before the voices drag me back under. Tonight I am numb and exhausted... I wish it all would just go away

Daria89 · 17-12-2013, 01:51 PM

your welcome!
exactly what eating disorder do you suffer from?

LittleCloud · 18-12-2013, 08:36 AM

Anorexia behaviours, more EDNO as I don't fit the weight criterion

Buttons. · 18-12-2013, 04:08 PM

I understand that thoughts and feelings can be complex, especially with regards any eating disorder, having been through similar myself and supporting others through it, however immensely hard as it is, and I know it can be Incredibly hard when you have low self esteem it is worth slowly and surely adjusting to the knowledge that you are worthy, then gradually accepting compliments until it becomes a natural part of life.

LittleCloud · 20-12-2013, 12:40 PM

Thanks Buttons, I'm trying- its something I was taught as a child by my parents, that I am less- and teaching myself that I am the same as others is hard. You're right- and I am slowly adjusting. I guess the anxiety comes because A-Rex, who is much like many of the bullies does not want to let go. Thanks for your reply- what you say makes a lot of sense and it means a lot that you replied

Patent Pending · 22-12-2013, 06:41 PM

Hey honey *hugs*

I'm sorry everything feels so intense right now.

There is not much more I can add to what's been said already but you are every bit the same as others - you deserve the same love, respect and happiness as they do. Try to keep telling yourself that.

Unfortunately, like all MH issues, it has claws and digs in pretty hard...but slowly you can get away from it.

Well done for keeping trying.

x x x

LittleCloud · 23-12-2013, 12:12 AM

Thanks so much Mixtapes. I try- and I know that from the love and care I put into others around me that is true. I guess it will come true for me if I just keep it in the back of my mind. A-Rex has been relentless

Thanks so much for your reply- it means more than I can say

Patent Pending · 05-01-2014, 08:12 PM

Hey,

I hope things are feeling a little less distressing for you right now.

Try to keep that in your mind and little by little you will start to believe it.

x x x

LittleCloud · 06-01-2014, 01:02 PM

I'm struggling a little at the moment, but doing ok thanks Katie. It's those past situations that get you. Trying to swap a shift tonight combined with eating out (even eating out healthily) left me feeling a bit shaky and there is also a situation at work where a colleague has tried to bully me out of a few hours of work on a shift. My boss supports me and as she has made it quite public, so do other colleagues, but I feel a bit nervous that I might miss out on more work for it. I guess there is also a possibility she will respect me more for standing up to her but it's hard not knowing

Patent Pending · 06-01-2014, 05:59 PM

That does sound like a tough situation - well done for trying to stand up to her. I'm glad your boss and other colleagues are supporting you, but I know it doesn't make it any easier sometimes.

Well done for keeping going honey.

x x x

LittleCloud · 09-01-2014, 08:53 AM

Thanks Katie- the boss gave her her way in the form of a shift the same length as mine. Why? I don't know, but I'm glad things have calmed down as I'm so tired. Court case with my sister in law has been postponed for another two months so won't be until 24/3. Frustrating as I will be in a new job by then and will have to take leave if I'm given work on the day. I feel like I'm living on the edge at the moment- A-Rex is screaming inside my head and nothing seems to make him stop. I have to follow the rules or I just get no peace

LittleCloud · 18-01-2014, 11:59 AM

I start a job with a new Non-Gov. Disability Support Agency on Tuesday. They look really good- really thorough and useful pre-employment testing and clients I know who use the service seem really happy, but because of my past experiences with bullying in the workplace I feel really nervous and uncertain. In the past I've had plenty of verbal bullying from almost every support organisation I've worked for (except the one I'm with at the moment) and have even had a few situations where other workers have used their size to intimidate me. I know this isn't EVERY organisation, but I feel nervous about changing. I've been offered permanent work though, and the government disability org I'm with is being disbanded to Non. Gov in the next 3 years in with the new Disability support scheme so there is a lot of uncertainty and I cant BEAR to watch if the quality of care for the people I support slips with the change. In the past I've always stuck with my clients, sometimes to the point where I've been unfairly dismissed by bullying organisations because I follow policies regarding the rights of the people I support, which is sadly something a lot of people in my line of work do not do. I feel a bit sad about having less time to work with my great clients now, but will see a few of them in my new work too. I just feel so many different emotions- I guess over the past year I've built up skills and strength- I have to fly sometime

Patent Pending · 20-01-2014, 03:50 PM

Hey honey,

I'm sorry the court case has been postponed - it must be hard having it hanging over you.

I hope the new job goes well :) Did you speak to them about the concern you have about workplace bullying etc. that you have had trouble with in the past?

I know it's hard when you have had incidents repeating themselves, but I'm a firm believer in every new start being a chance for things to improve and be different.

I'm sure you will do well :)

x x x

LittleCloud · 21-01-2014, 02:13 PM

Thanks Katie- confusing with the court date because I haven't heard anything more on it and surely if it would be postponed they would let us know a new date? I now have work planned that day and my boss breathing down my neck and starting new work- they seem excellent but I still feel so nervous. I guess it will pass and hopefully my boss will get over himself. I hear this morning there is an "issue" he wants to discuss but then he doesn't say what or when. I'm over it already and it can't be that important. I also have to connect back with a group home where I received a lot of bullying through past work. I'll just take it straight to the support union or the police if anything happens again though.
I also asked more about counselling because I have next to no counselling available until May. I feel like I want the time without being watched and I don't know if I can say that's safe at the moment. It also means I won't have any support before or after the hearing. I feel a bit stressed not knowing and having to rearrange things if it is on. I don't know if I'm ready

LittleCloud · 02-02-2014, 09:50 AM

The court case with my sister in law was adjourned AGAIN so we're now looking at 25th March. I'm not sure what to expect really, other than a LOT of lies from my sister in law. My brother in law has been trying to do a custody mediation and it came out that she has been lying to her lawyer- saying that I can't have kids so tried to steal hers (which she claims is why she attacked me); that my partner sells drugs to kids etc- it is amazing the crap she has come out with which she apparently believes despite there being no evidence at all. I am worried that I might not be believed because of her lies. She has been in the past very good at convincing people and despite my partner's, my neighbour (who saw the assault) and my own statements being next to identical it frightens me what might happen if she gets off... the assault was deliberate and planned. What will happen if there is noone to stop her?
And what about my nephew- she hid her speed stash in his playstation games and used that to get them in to the women's refuge here, not to mention drugging him with Oxycodone which is why we reported to community services and why she assaulted me.
Apart from all this I'm a bit nervous about the whole process- I've never been in a courtroom before and have no idea what will happen. I was thinking about talking to the officer in charge of the case and getting him to explain what will happen. It's been so hard to get information and in so many ways my partner and myself have been treated like the ones who have done wrong. It is only through my counsellor following up that I have more counselling sessions and after the assault I wasn't even directed to the hospital- just told to make a statement. Does anyone know how I can find out what will happen before I walk into the court room?

Patent Pending · 02-02-2014, 01:09 PM

I'm sorry it's been postponed again - I imagine that it causes a great deal of stress each time.

Try not to worry too much about whether you're believed or not - court give you the chance to be heard and these are people who do this every day - they should be able to see through any lies and see what really happened. The fact that all of your statements are the same and hers is different shows she's lying.

Perhaps you could talk to your lawyer or as you suggested the police about what will happen when you get to court so they can put your mind at ease?

x x x

LittleCloud · 03-02-2014, 07:48 AM

Thanks Katie- yeah, my sister in law has made threats to snatch my nephew from his father and has also approached my house several times. Things seem to have calmed down a bit. I just want it over- you're right talking to the lawyer or the police would be best. I'll try to make an appointment tomorrow